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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24954079">What's in a Young Woman's Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTroninator/pseuds/TheTroninator'>TheTroninator</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fix-It, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, If Kataang makes you go "ick", Implied Sexual Content, Miscarriage, Mutual Pining, One story comprised of cuts between current story and one-shot style flashbacks, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Slow Build, Slow Burn, So if you like Zutara one-shots, TW: Blood, This is a zutara story, Zutara, but I tagged with Katara/Aang because they are still together at the beginning of the fic, ember island players aftermath, events happen after the comics, pregnancy loss, southern raiders, then this fic will probably make you go "ick" for the first 2 or so chapters, tw: miscarriage, you can just feast on the flashbacks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:27:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>49,582</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24954079</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTroninator/pseuds/TheTroninator</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After settling in Cranefish Town to help form the fledgling city, Katara and Aang can focus more on their relationship. But perhaps the added focus unveils issues lying under the surface? Memories from the past keep reminding Katara of what could have been. When something happens to bring Katara's true feelings to light, will it be too late to have a true romance?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aang/Katara (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>147</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. a month and a half before</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A month and a half before it happened, Katara almost left Aang. </p><p>They had been living in Cranefish Town for a while, having decided to stay and help form a society where benders and non-benders, earth and fire nation, everyone could live in harmony. The transition was not easy and the fledgling town had as many problems as it had people, cram-packed into overcrowded apartments and homes and spilling into busy streets all day long.</p><p> But, being the Avatar had certain perks. Aang was on a council in the city which granted a housing allowance, and with some convincing, pointing out that Katara’s input and influence was indispensable, he was able to secure housing for her too. They lived in a newly built apartment building, so different from anywhere they had ever lived before. It was new, so there was a cleanness and niceness to it, but at the same time, it was cheap. The walls were thin. They could hear the cries of babies, the arguments of couples. And the amenities left a lot to be desired. And all the while, Katara wondered why they have two separate homes within the building. They traveled together for a year and then had several more adventures after that. They slept side by side in Appa’s saddle, next to campfires, on beaches. Why bother with the formality of separate homes? It was a waste of good housing that someone else could have been using, especially considering how often they ended up staying the night in each other’s rooms anyway. It was on a night a month and a half before that Katara brought all that up.</p><p>Katara came through the front door of Aang’s apartment to find him sitting on the floor meditating. His shirt had been discarded, draped lazily over a chair. Katara collected it silently, so as not to disturb her boyfriend’s peace. She gathered up all the miscellaneous garments and placed them in a laundry basket. She would take them to wash in the morning along with her own clothes. She began examining a pair of Aang’s trousers when she noticed a small hole beginning to form along a leg seam. She made a mental note to repair it later.</p><p>As she studied the hole, Aang’s eyes snapped open. “Oh! Hey, Katara!” he said brightly. “I didn’t notice you come in.”</p><p>“You’re really good at meditation,” Katara said with a smile as she kicked his shoes toward the door to approached him.</p><p>As he stood, it was impossible not to notice how tall he had become in these last few years. So strange that he was once a little boy to her. She reached out a hand to his chest and ran her fingers down his skin. “Even as good as I am, you can still distract me,” he said, blushing as she traced circles down his abs and wrapped her arms around him.</p><p>“Aang?” she hummed. </p><p>“Yes,” he answered, slipping his hand into her hair.</p><p>“I saw some lovely dyed leathers in the market today. I couldn’t help but think how wonderful it would be to make a betrothal necklace from it.” She wasn’t planning to be subtle tonight. She was eighteen now, and definitely of marrying age.</p><p>“Betrothal, huh?” he said, planting a kiss on her cheek. </p><p>“Yes, I mean, it may be about time. And we wouldn’t have to waste a perfectly good apartment living separately anymore.” </p><p>Aang placed another kiss on her nose. “I see your point, sweetie, but we don’t have to be married to live together.”</p><p>Katara pulled away slightly. “I suppose not, but, it would make certain things easier, don’t you think?” She could feel herself becoming defensive. </p><p>Aang heaved a sigh and took a step away. “I don’t know, Katara.”</p><p>Katara could feel her heart breaking, but she dared not say a word. She couldn’t admit to him how much marriage meant to her. She didn’t want to seem stuck in some old, traditional mind-set. But she wanted to be married. To have a wedding. To have a family. She wanted all those things for herself and more. And now, like this, she felt like she was just being dragged along with Aang. She felt pathetic. Like an accessory to him. If she were his wife, it would be different. It would be purposeful. But sticking around a guy, just hoping for him to propose? Waiting for him to step up and be a man? It was not what Katara had imagined for her life. Not by a long shot. After a long pause, she simply said, “Oh.”</p><p>“Katara, it’s hard to explain. It’s just… The monks.”</p><p>“The monks?”</p><p>“Yes, in our culture, the monks weren’t given in marriage.”</p><p>“Where did the babies come from then?” Katara blurted stupidly. </p><p>Aang just cocked his head. “What do you mean?”</p><p>Katara almost rolled her eyes. Aang was sixteen, almost seventeen, and Katara still felt like she had to explain everything to him. It’s as though the monks didn’t teach him anything about life. But she didn’t feel like getting into it. “Nevermind, but what do the monks have to do with you and me?”</p><p>“It’s just that we were supposed to live life detached from worldly obligations. To be free.”</p><p>“But you’re the Avatar,” Katara said. “Your obligation is to the world. And marriage is not an obligation, Aang. It’s a blessing.” Katara’s flesh was hot with anger. She couldn’t believe the conversation was unfolding like this. </p><p>“I make a lot of sacrifices every day,” said Aang firmly, his eyebrows knit together. “I can never keep my culture completely. But the acolytes want to help rebuild the air nomads. And I just can’t see getting married as a part of that picture.”</p><p>Now Katara couldn’t help from shouting. “Then what are we doing here?!” </p><p>Aang’s face remained calm, yet resolute. “I don’t want to lose you, Katara. But being the Avatar, and being an air nomad means I can’t have it all.”</p><p>“But that’s exactly what you’re trying to do,” Katara spit. “You want to keep me around as your girlfriend, which just in case you didn’t realize, that’s not exactly part of the air nomad way of life, without having to really commit to me. So you can be free. You want to have your fish cake and eat it too!” </p><p>Aang frowned. “What? Katara, I’m a vegetarian. What do fish cakes have to do with this?”</p><p>Katara groaned. Just moments ago, she had been thinking about how much Aang had grown up. And now she was just thinking about how much he hadn’t. “Forget it. I’m out of here.” </p><p>And with that, Katara stormed off, pounding her feet against the concrete floor of the hallway, down all the flights of stairs, and out into the cool night air. She didn’t care about where she was going. Her temper didn’t allow her to make such considerations. “I can’t believe how selfish he can be!” she muttered to herself. She wished Sokka or Toph were in town. She could crash with them. Even Zuko would probably be accommodating if he were in the embassy building. </p><p>Zuko. </p><p>Her mind raced back to a memory.</p><p>It was last summer. She and Aang had stopped in the fire nation for an important cultural festival, celebrating the heat of summer. Zuko had been making huge strides in restoring the historical events in his country, many of which had been forgotten, casualties of a hundred year war. Aang was inside the palace with the Kyoshi warriors and Sokka, having a non-bending sparring match. Toph had no interest in the big pyrotechnic display, saying without being able to see it, it would just feel like a super hot summer night, which no one could argue with. Meanwhile, Katara and Zuko stood on the balcony, overlooking a fireworks display exploding over the capital. It was breath-taking.</p><p>“I can’t believe the others are missing this,” Katara remarked as a blue blast illuminated the sky. </p><p>“The Kyoshi warriors saw the festival when it was reinstated last year. And Aang probably saw it about a hundred and five years ago,” Zuko said with a chuckle. </p><p>“That’s true,” Katara said. “Still, I think I could watch this every night. You’ve done an amazing job with the festival this year.”</p><p>Zuko blushed. “It wasn’t me, really. It was the fire sages and a committee.”</p><p>“Don’t be modest,” Katara said, elbowing him. She looked up into his eyes as he glanced down at her with a gentle smile. There was a pleasant silence between them.</p><p>“Sometimes, being the firelord is stressful. But nights like this make it worth it,” Zuko said. “To some it may just be a festival. But to me, it’s a sign that peace is returning to my nation.” Then he almost mumbled, “I just wish I had someone to share this with.”</p><p>“What do you mean? I’m here aren’t I?” Katara said, her voice betraying her curiosity.</p><p>Zuko put a hand over his face in embarrassment. “I meant… The fire sages. They keep telling me that it’s about time to find a firelady. And I can’t help but agree. The palace is lonely.”</p><p>“Oh,” said Katara, her cheeks reddening too. “I suppose it must be.”</p><p>“I wish I had someone to talk to about all of it. Someone to help let off some steam.”</p><p>Katara’s eyes widened. </p><p>“I-I don’t mean like that!” Zuko said. “Nevermind. Just forget I said anything.” </p><p>“Forgotten,” Katara lied. </p><p>///////</p><p>As she walked down the dirty streets of Cranefish Town, she couldn’t help but think, if only Aang had felt that way. Of course, Katara was his shoulder to lean on. She relieved as much of his responsibility as she could. She was as close to a wife as she could be, she supposed. But he couldn’t do her this one courtesy. To carve a stone, attach it to a collar, and tell her he wanted her all to himself. Forever. </p><p>As she ruminated on this reality, she felt a hand grab her wrist. She pulled her other hand, grasping to bend the water in the gutter, but a sword slashed through the stream as her other hand was clasped. She tried to wrench her arms free, finally seeing her assailants, though dimly as only lit by the pale moonlight. They reminded her of Jet’s freedom fighters. Looking around there were the two kids holding her wrists, and a third standing in front of her. “Give us all your money, lady.”</p><p>Katara rolled her eyes and kicked her legs up and over in a sort of backflip, bending the water in the puddle with her feet until it splashed over the heads of those detaining her. As expected, they released her in shock. She almost started to laugh as she turned to leave the scene, but as she was beginning to get away, a chain looped around her ankle and tripped her, causing her to fall onto her chest. It knocked the wind out of her, but even as she was being drug along the rough pavement, she recovered, grabbing some water from a nearby bucket and freezing it over the chain. She kicked the chain with her free leg until it broke. This time, she didn’t give the kids the benefit of the doubt. She stood her ground, ready to fight. </p><p>“Don’t try any funny business, lady,” the leader said. “We said we want your money, now hand it over.”</p><p>Katara pulled the water into a whip, letting it hang by her side. “Even if I had money on me, I wouldn’t be giving it to you. Go home, kid, before you get hurt.”</p><p>“You benders are all the same,” the kid said as his two cronies stood by. “You think that we non-benders are weak. That we can’t stand up for ourselves.”</p><p>“I don’t think that,” Katara retorted. “It has nothing to do with you being non-benders.”</p><p>“Whatever, you hag. We’ll teach you not to underestimate us.”</p><p>It was a three-on-one fight, but Katara wasn’t worried. Three street rat kids had nothing on Azula or any other enemy she had faced in the past. Katara could take them. She pulled her whip back to strike. This could be fun, could help her get her anger with Aang out. She struck out against the leader first, but he deflected her whip with his sword. His two cronies rushed her, one with the broken chain as a weapon, the other a small knife. Katara pulled more water from the gutter across the street and froze it, causing the two boys rushing her to slip. But as the one wielding the chain slipped, he pulled Katara to the ground by the ankles again. She melted the ice, so that both boys were sitting in a puddle, and she pulled it up and refroze it. Both boys were stuck. </p><p>Katara jumped up once more, ready to face the sword-wielding leader now. He was already near her at this point, just one pace away. Katara pushed him back with a small wave generated from the remainder of the puddle, but he widened his stance, holding strong, then dashed forward. The two matched each other, blow for blow, that is until the water around his cronies melted. Katara was too busy, grunting with anger with every whip of her water and each jab of her fist, to notice that the two kids had broken free. The one with the chain bound her hands while the other kept his knife at her throat. They pulled her to her knees while the leader loomed over her. “What should we do with you?”</p><p>Katara felt ashamed more than anything. She was a waterbending master, brought down by three mangy kids. It brought to mind how rusty she was. How long it had been since a real fight. She imagined that she might teach waterbending someday, like Pakku. Maybe if she had stayed in the South Pole with all of the northern transfers, she could have. </p><p>“Are you even listening to me?” the leader barked, swishing his sword around to intimidate her. </p><p>She nodded her chin, just enough to bring the water over her feet. She froze it, then squirmed her feet out to kick him backwards into a sort of turtle-crab walk position, but the kid with the knife pinned her pant leg to the pavement before she could. Now she was in a sort of splits. One leg pinned back to the ground with a knife, the other stuck out, having lost its kicking force when she was pushed back down.</p><p>“You don’t know when to give up, do you?” he said. </p><p>“She never gives up,” a voice said from behind them. A giant gust of wind followed and all three kids were blown down the street. </p><p>Katara hung her head as Aang came up behind her and loosened her chains.</p><p>“What was that all about?” Aang asked. </p><p>“I was handling it,” Katara muttered. </p><p>“I know you were,” Aang said, pulling her to her feet. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t help, right?” </p><p>Katara pulled Aang into a hug. “These kids are getting pretty good,” she said as she buried her face into him. “But even still, I can’t believe I let it go that far.”</p><p>“You were holding back,” Aang said, taking her hand to walk back to the apartment. “They reminded you of the freedom fighters, I bet. The Duke, Longshot. It would be hard to unleash all your awesome waterbending might on them.”</p><p>“Did you come after me?” Katara asked, feeling a little better after getting some of her anger out. </p><p>“Of course I did,” Aang said.</p><p>When they got back to their building and climbed all the stairs, he pushed open the door to his apartment, still holding her hand. He did a twirl, Katara spinning into the living space with a laugh. </p><p>Another memory rushed her. </p><p>It was her father Hakoda’s wedding to Malina. Katara really had no desire to be there, but she had to. She had to support her father, even if there was a part of her that struggled to trust Malina. A part of her that felt like her mother was being replaced. </p><p>She sat at a table carved of ice on the periphery of the dance floor. Hakoda and Malina were gliding effortlessly, laughing and smiling. Sokka and Suki were pinned so closely together that you couldn’t have slipped a sheet of parchment between them as they danced. </p><p>Aang had tried to get Katara to dance, but she wasn’t in the mood, so he took Toph, who also didn’t really want to dance, but was at least more easily convinced. He promised to lead her well, since in the cold of the South Pole she had to wear thick boots which prevented her from seeing much. </p><p>Zuko had been looking sour too, but Katara couldn’t figure why. She walked over to where he stood rigidly along the wall of the reception hall. Misery loves company, she figured. “What’s bothering you? Specifically, I should say, since you’re so rarely happy.” She said this with a smirk.</p><p>Zuko smiled and made a snort. “It’s just that I never learned how to dance.”</p><p>Katara felt herself about to stutter, the answer shocking her. “Really?”</p><p>“Yeah, remember, culture and dancing weren’t exactly part of fire nation life when I was growing up. And no one ever taught me on the ship.”</p><p>Katara laughed at the thought of Zuko dancing with the crew of his little boat while he was hunting down Aang. And with that silly ponytail. </p><p>Zuko shot her a dirty look as she laughed.</p><p>She stopped herself after a moment. “Sorry, sorry. I don’t mean to laugh at you. But now that you’re working on restoring the culture of your people, surely you have learned a few dances?”</p><p>“Not exactly,” Zuko said. “Just traditional movements. Nothing like that.” He pointed to Aang and Toph, who were basically thrashing to the music. </p><p>“Zuko, that’s the easy stuff,” she said. “You just have to move to the beat.”</p><p>He gave her a skeptical look.</p><p>“Come on, I’ll show you.” She took his hand and led him to the floor. She held his hands in hers and swayed back and forth to the rhythm. “See, easy.”</p><p>His face was beet red. “I don’t know.”</p><p>“Move your feet too,” she said. “You’ll see.”</p><p>Zuko started shuffling. “This is humiliating.”</p><p>“No it’s not. That is,” she said, nodding her head to Bato who looked like he had too much to drink. He was jerking out of sync with the music while her father laughed. </p><p>Zuko snickered. “Yeah, that’s pretty bad.” </p><p>Katara released his hands and started to shimmy her shoulders and sway her hips. Zuko stopped and just watched as she twirled around him.</p><p>“I can’t do that,” he said, nearly going slack-jawed at the sight of her movements. </p><p>“Zuko, half of your firebending moves look like dancing. Just do that, without the bending, of course.”</p><p>Zuko sighed and began going through some of his forms in time with the music. “Like this?”</p><p>“You look great,” she said. </p><p>A warm pink washed over both of their cheeks. </p><p>At that moment, Aang hovered down by them. “Aw, great! Zuko, you managed to get Katara to dance!” And he took her hand and spun her off toward the rest of the party-goers, leaving Toph to take Zuko’s arm.</p><p>Katara gave Zuko a last look back as he led their short, blind friend around the floor on his feet. They exchanged a smile, having saved each other’s evening. </p><p>//////</p><p>Now Katara stood dancing in Aang’s arms as the sound of a neighbor practicing the Tsungi horn bled through the walls. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Aang said. </p><p>Katara simply hummed in reply, her face pressed against Aang’s shoulder as they swayed.</p><p>“I’ll think about it, okay, Katara? I promise, I will. I need to figure out what’s important to save from my culture, what’s flexible. It’s a big responsibility to shoulder, to rebuild an entire people. But I love you more than any of it, okay?” He took her chin in his hand and looked into her eyes.</p><p>She saw the sincerity there in his dark eyes. She couldn’t imagine how he felt. Having to navigate the restoration of an entire nation as just one person. Of course, there were the acolytes, his fan group turned monks. But they knew nothing of the past, of his people. And they couldn’t airbend. There needed to be more airbenders in the world, or Aang would be the last one. The thought bore down on Katara in that brief moment. Then he kissed her and the thought tumbled into the back of her mind to rest there. The thoughts at the forefront were now all about how good it felt to be wanted like this. </p><p>She wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed back, her lips parting as his tongue slid in. He had gotten much better at kissing over the last few years, that was undeniable. Her heart pounded in her chest, the adrenaline from the argument and her street fight still rumbling in her. She pushed him back into the wall as her hands now pressed against his chest. </p><p>“Katara,” he gasped between kisses. He pressed his hands into the small of her back, their two bodies incredibly close. </p><p>She fingered the hem of his shirt before lifting it. He obliged and allowed her to pull it off. She tossed it into the hamper without looking as she ran her hands down his smooth, but muscular chest.</p><p>“Katara, are we okay?” he asked as he pulled away for a breath. “I need to know, are we okay?”</p><p>“Aang, please,” Katara said, pushing herself against him, jumping to wrap her legs around his waist. Sometimes it was like Aang was on a delay. He was, physically, a little younger than her, of course, but at this point, he should have had the same feelings, same needs as her. </p><p>“Okay,” he said, holding her by her bottom as she nuzzled into the crook of his neck. He carried her into his bedroom, turned, and sat down on the edge of his stiff mattress. She sat on his lap and kissed him hard, kissed down his neck and across his shoulders. He shuddered as she pressed down onto him. “Katara, I don’t know if I can really take this.”</p><p>“What’s wrong?” she asked, pulling away. </p><p>Aang took a deep, calming breath. “I don’t want to do something that we’ll regret later,” he said. </p><p>“You think you would regret it?” Katara asked, feeling the rejection wash over her again.</p><p>“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Aang said, kissing her collarbone. </p><p>“Then what’s the problem?” asked, rolling her head back to let Aang pull her shirt over to kiss her shoulder.</p><p>He gave her a small nibble. “There’s no problem. You just promise to stop me if I can’t?”</p><p>Katara scoffed. “I will do no such thing.” She shifted against him again and kissed him before he could protest. Instead, he moaned lamely into her mouth. </p><p>Katara pulled her tunic off, letting it fall to the floor, making a note to pick it up later, then stood up to shimmy out of her tights. Aang’s face turned redder at the sight of her in just her undergarments. “Wow,” he said.</p><p>“You act like you’ve never seen me like this before,” Katara teased, shaking her hair out of its braid. </p><p>“It doesn’t matter how many times I see you like this,” Aang said, pulling her back to him. </p><p>He leaned back on the mattress, bringing her with him. She slid over him, putting her lips against his neck and pushing her hips down. He gripped her waist and flipped her over so that he was propped over her. He started kicking his loose pants away until he was just in his undergarments as well.</p><p>Katara looked him up and down with a smirk. He pressed down into her until the smirk faded away and was replaced with wide eyes and parted lips. </p><p>A moment later and Aang pauses again. “Katara, I…”</p><p>She pushed her hips up into him. “I need this, Aang,” she said.</p><p>Aang gave a nod and met her mouth with another kiss. They spent the rest of the night forgetting whatever fight they had earlier.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. a week and a half before</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Katara finds out some shocking news. How will Aang react?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A week and a half before it happened, Katara was feeling happier than she ever had before. </p><p>While she had not been feeling particularly well that morning, her stomach twisted in knots, she was feeling pretty optimistic for the day. Toph was coming into town to check on the refinery and to “get away from those dolts” at the metal bending school for a couple of weeks. Katara and Toph didn’t get along when they were younger. They were two very different kinds of girls, and it led to a lot of misunderstandings and arguments. But toward the end of Katara’s year travelling with Aang, before the comet which served as the ultimate climax of the war, she and Toph came to a peaceful place. Katara flitted about her small apartment, tidying things up, pausing periodically to see if she could heal her churning stomach. She could get relief, but only for brief moments. But she didn’t want to let it ruin her day. </p><p>Many things had changed in town since Toph’s last visit. There was a new bath house that had opened up and Katara was dying to take her. The hot steaming water would be relaxing, but there was also a cleansing mud bath service which she knew Toph would like. It would be like that day in Ba Sing Se, but better, without the threat of global collapse on the horizon. There were new restaurants which had specialty meat platters. For obvious reasons, she could never get Aang to go. There was even a new type of business altogether. They called it a games hall and it was reminiscent of those street scams that Toph used to run in the Fire Nation. Except these games were not played for cash, but for tokens which could be exchanged for prizes. Aang had taken her when it first opened and won her a big boar-q-pine plush toy which she liked to keep under her bed. There would be plenty to do together.</p><p>Aang was supposed to help tidy up the apartment, since he spent so much time there too, but he told her he thought it looked great already and that he was going to go out to the stables to spend the morning with Appa. Katara had asked if he had the chance to tidy up his own place, since Toph might stop by there too.</p><p>“Katara, I don’t mean to be insensitive, but Toph doesn’t care if the apartment is messy. She’s blind, you know?” He had said. </p><p>Katara gave him a glare. </p><p>“But it’s probably best to clean up a little anyway. I’ll take care of it before I go to see Appa.” </p><p>Katara hummed as she finished with her place. She couldn’t help but wonder what Aang’s place was like, since he had apparently cleaned it. She used her spare key and unlocked the door to find the place slightly straighter than usual. But still, his laundry was not in the hamper, instead piled up in the corner like a sack chair. And as she surveyed the space, she noted that he hadn’t dusted. Of course, Toph would never know. That is, unless her allergies acted up. Katara sighed and got out a dust rag from a cabinet and wiped down every surface. </p><p>There was a harsh knock on the door and Katara immediately knew who it was. </p><p>She ran to the door and wrenched it open. There stood her petite friend with a big grin on her face. “Sugar Queen!” she said, moving in for a hug. </p><p>“Toph, it’s so good to see you. Did you have any trouble finding the place?” </p><p>“No,” Toph said. “You know why?”</p><p>“Hm?” said Katara. </p><p>Just then her brother appeared in the doorway.</p><p>“Sokka!” she exclaimed. She embraced him. </p><p>“It’s not been that long, has it?” he asked, patting the top of her head. </p><p>“I don’t know,” she said, wiping a tear from her eye. “I’m just feeling a little sentimental today, I guess.”</p><p>“Of course,” said Toph, rolling her cloudy eyes. “You’re always sentimental, honey.”</p><p>Katara laughed and the three went out for a meal. </p><p>That night, after Aang joined them and they spent time at the game hall, they parted. Toph went with Katara to her apartment and Sokka went to Aang’s place. </p><p>“Did you have fun tonight?” asked Katara. </p><p>Toph dumped her pile of winnings from the game hall into the floor. “I don’t think they’ll ever let me back in that place again.”</p><p>“Well, if they don’t expect people to win, that’s their problem, right?” </p><p>The two laughed for a moment. </p><p>“Hey, Katara?”</p><p>“Yeah, Toph?” said Katara as she began to prepare a guest bed for her friend.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Toph asked as she plopped onto her stack of plush toys. </p><p>Katara straightened the sheets on the mattress which simply rested on the floor. Toph didn’t like tall beds. “Why do you ask?”</p><p>“Um, there’s something different about you,” Toph said slowly. </p><p>“Different? How?” Katara asked. She sat on the edge of Toph’s guest bed. </p><p>“Your heartbeat,” said Toph. “It’s off somehow. It’s like, when I see you, I see someone else too? It’s hard to explain. It’s probably nothing.” She waved her hand. </p><p>Katara suddenly felt sicker than she had all day, and she ran to the washroom. She gagged over a basin while Toph stood in the doorway, listening and feeling with her feet. Katara calmed herself before turning to her friend. “Toph, I think it’s a baby.” </p><p>“What?!” said Toph, practically spitting. </p><p>“Keep it down,” said Katara, rushing to her short friend and putting a hand over her mouth. “The walls are really thin here.” </p><p>“No kidding,” said Toph, muffled behind Katara’s hand. Katara pulled away. “How is that possible, Katara?” she whispered. </p><p>“Toph, don’t you know…?”</p><p>“Yes, I know,” said Toph. “Of course I do, I meant… Did you and Aang…?” Her face was totally red. </p><p>Katara’s face was too, and she was glad Toph couldn’t see her, though, she could probably feel her heart racing in her chest. “A little over a month ago,” Katara said. “I was suspicious when my time was late, but I didn’t think that much of it. But it’s the only way to explain the way I’ve been feeling, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Katara, I think it’s true,” Toph said. </p><p>“Oh, man,” said Katara as she slid to the floor against the wall of the bathroom.</p><p>“Do you want it?” Toph asked simply, sliding down beside her friend. </p><p>Katara felt a hot tear slide down her face. “Yes,” she said. “I really, really want it.”</p><p>Toph threw an arm around her friend. “Well, you have plenty of years of practice mothering us, I bet you’ll be a natural.” She shook Katara’s shoulder until she laughed. </p><p>“Thanks, Toph,” Katara said. “Guess I better tell Aang, huh?”</p><p>“Eh, I don’t know,” said Toph with a shrug. “This is not my area of specialty. If you wanted to kick his butt for this, then I’d be glad to help.” </p><p>Katara laughed again, then stood up slowly, suddenly feeling very cautious. </p><p>Toph stood with her, then stretched with a yawn. “I’m getting tired,” she said. </p><p>“Let’s go to bed,” Katara agreed. </p><p>But as Toph spent the night snoring on, Katara lay wide awake, staring at the ceiling of her little junky apartment. She wasn’t worried about herself. No, she would be fine. She would be a good mother. But what about Aang? Was he father material?</p><p>Katara felt tears stinging in her eyes as she called to mind a moment, maybe a year or so ago. </p><p>//////</p><p>Ursa, Zuko’s mother, was on her return to the Fire Nation for the first time since her banishment and they had joined her, her husband, and her daughter Kiyi for the boat ride home. Aang was stir crazy, hanging over the edge of the ship watching the flying dolphin fish jump out of the water. “I have got to ride one of those,” he had said as Katara stood by with Ursa and her husband Ikem. The three were watching Zuko and Kiyi as they played Pai Sho. Zuko was teaching her patiently and clearly letting her win game after game. He made a big show of being frustrated that she bested him again. He threw a smile over his shoulder to his mother, who giggled with pride. Katara felt her heart melting too. </p><p>“Let’s play again, Zuzu!” Kiyi requested with a yawn.</p><p>“Maybe we should take a break?” Zuko suggested. “I’m getting sleepy. How about you?”</p><p>The little girl’s eyelids fluttered lazily. “No way! I’m--” she yawned again “--not sleepy at all.”</p><p>“I’ll give you a piggyback ride down below deck and we can have a little tea party, how about that?” Zuko stood and offered Kiyi his hand, which she reluctantly took. He easily pulled her to his shoulders and walked by Katara, Ursa, and Ikem, lingering by the door. </p><p>Katara felt her face get warm as he grazed her arm. “Um, Zuko, would it be alright if I joined you two for tea?”</p><p>Zuko shifted Kiyi’s weight more evenly over his back. “Of course, Katara. We’d love to have you at our tea party.”</p><p>Katara bowed graciously and followed them below with a wave to Ursa and Ikem. </p><p>Zuko sat Kiyi down on a cushion near her bed in her room below deck. She slept near Ursa and Ikem’s bed, but on her father’s side as she was still coping with her mother’s changes at the time. It had been a lot for a little girl to take in, but Zuko had been right there for her the whole time. </p><p>Zuko indicated for Katara to please take a seat on a cushion beside his little sister, and he pulled a low table over to them. He stood in the corner of the room with a tea kettle and a stand. He placed them on a table and started a tiny fire under the pot as he began brewing. “I’m sorry, Katara. I know you’ve not had tea made by me in a while. It’s not as good as my Uncle’s, which you’ve had much more recently.”</p><p>“I’m sure it will be delicious, Zuko,” Katara said. </p><p>Kiyi started to fidget. “Remember, Kiyi,” said Zuko. “This is a royal tea party, you must remain regal.” He made up a snooty face and straightened his back dramatically. Kiyi giggled. </p><p>Katara had not seen this side of Zuko before, really. This sweet, playful side. </p><p>After a moment, he brought the tea and some beautiful porcelain cups over. </p><p>“Wow!” Kiyi marvelled as he placed her cup before her. “This cup is so pretty!” It had lovely hand-painted flowers on it, which Katara recognized as fire lilies.</p><p>“Tea tastes just as nice out of a little tin cup as one made of beautiful porcelain,” said Zuko, as he began to pour her tea. “As long as it is made with love.” He gave Katara a warm look, his eyes twinkling in the candle-lit room. </p><p>Katara smiled. “That’s a lovely thing to say,” said Katara, holding her cup up for Zuko to pour.</p><p>“My Uncle said something like that to me a long time ago,” he said. He leaned close to Katara to whisper. “It’s calming tea, be careful.” He cast a meaningful glance toward Kiyi, who was clearly fighting to stay awake. “Anyway,” he said now to the whole group, “let us enjoy this together.”</p><p>Kiyi held her cup up, then took a big gulp.</p><p>Katara and Zuko took small, slow sips. </p><p>“Can I have more, Zuzu?” Kiyi asked, having already drained one cup. “I think I can feel some energy!” </p><p>“Yes, my lady,” said Zuko as he poured some more for his sister. Katara had to suppress a laugh.</p><p>As Kiyi began to take another sip, Aang came in the door.</p><p>“Aang!” said Katara. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I heard there was a tea party,” he said, taking a seat between Katara and Zuko. “I’d like a cup, too, if you please.”</p><p>“Sure,” said Zuko, perhaps a little coldly. Katara could just barely hear his whispered warning to Aang about the tea. </p><p>Aang raised his cup to his lips and Katara could tell he was only pretending to drink. He clearly didn’t want any calming. “I was thinking,” he said. “I’m just going to do it.”</p><p>“Do what?” asked Kiyi, folding her hands in her lap serenely. The tea was taking effect, clearly.</p><p>Aang stood up quickly. “I’m going to ride the dolphin fish!”</p><p>Zuko gave Katara a look, the meaning of which she couldn’t quite decipher. But there had been something there. Something sad, maybe? As if to say, “this is your boyfriend?”</p><p>“Oh, oh!” Kiyi began exclaiming. “I want to ride, too!”</p><p>“Wh-what about our tea party?” Zuko asked, clearly not wanting his tired little sister stirred up again, just as she was about to doze off.</p><p>Katara bolted up. “Yeah, Aang,” Katara hissed into his ear. “Kiyi was about to take a nap.”</p><p>Aang shrugged. “You really want to ride them, Kiyi?” </p><p>She nodded, running to him and clasping her hands around his waist. “Please, take me!”</p><p>Aang grabbed her hand and ran out the door with her as Zuko and Katara begrudgingly followed. </p><p>//////</p><p>Katara remembered how she had to try to convince Ursa that Kiyi was safe, and she remembered Zuko doing damage control too. All the while, Aang was blissfully unaware. </p><p>Could he learn that parenting is more than just having fun? Katara shook the memory away, assuring herself, in her dark bedroom with Toph snoring away in the other room, that he would be able to step up when the time came. The monks all cared for each other, even if they didn’t have individual families, per se. They were a big family. Aang would know what to do. After another hour or so, Katara’s exhaustion finally overtook her and she fell fast asleep.</p><p>When the morning light came, Katara felt brand new. She was overcome with happiness. She was going to have a baby. A little half-Katara, half-Aang baby. It was going to be sweet and cute and, no doubt, an incredible bender. Hopefully, an airbender like its father. No, it HAD to be an airbender. Katara had the thought flash through her mind, “what if it’s not an airbender? What if it’s a waterbender like me? What if it’s not a bender at all?” Of course, she would still love it. But the weight that she always imagined on Aang’s shoulders--the weight of rebuilding an entire culture--she now saw it was on her shoulders. Or rather, in her womb. It was terrifying pressure, but exciting too. </p><p>She got herself dressed and groomed and went into the main room where Toph was still drooling on her mattress. “Toph, get up,” Katara said.</p><p>Toph woke up almost instantly. She was always a light sleeper, something she always seemed to hate about herself. “Alright,” she said. She shook her hair loose, ran her fingers through it and pinned it up fairly neatly while Katara watched fondly. </p><p>“Toph, could you take Sokka out for breakfast?” Katara asked.</p><p>“What, you’re not cooking? I’ve missed your cooking.” Toph tugged her tunic on. </p><p>“I’ll cook for you later,” said Katara. “I need to talk to Aang.”</p><p>Toph stretched her arms over her head. “Say no more. Just know, Sokka’s not going to be as easy to get out of bed as me.”</p><p>“You’ll think of something,” said Katara as she shoved Toph out the door. </p><p>Katara listened through the thin walls as her Toph yelled something and her brother shrieked. A moment later, she heard them go down the hallway and down the stairs.</p><p>She stepped out into the hallway and saw Aang heading toward her from his place next door. “Oh, Katara,” he said. “Did you know that Toph wanted to get breakfast with Sokka on their own?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah.” </p><p>“I always knew she had a crush on him,” Aang said with a smile. </p><p>“What?” Katara said. “You really think?” She never considered it, but that wasn’t important now. “Ugh, never mind that. I need to talk to you about something important.”</p><p>“Toph’s feelings aren’t important to you?” </p><p>Katara rolled her eyes. “Come here.” She took his hand and pulled him into her apartment. </p><p>“Oh, is this why they left alone?” Aang said, cocking his eyebrow. “You wanted them out of here so we could have some alone time?” He took her by the waist as she shut the door. He went to kiss her on her lips just as she turned her face. His mouth landed on her cheek. “Something wrong?”</p><p>“No, nothing’s wrong. I just have something serious to tell you.” Katara took a step back as Aang’s arms fell to his sides. </p><p>“Okay, Katara. Please, tell me.” Aang pulled a chair out from Katara’s small dining table and took a seat on it.</p><p>She fumbled with her fingers as she stared at her hands. She was nervous, but she could feel a giant smile tugging on the corners of her mouth. “Aang, I’m going to have a baby.” She looked up from her hands to meet his eyes. </p><p>He slunk down in the chair with wide eyes and an agape mouth. “A baby? Are you sure?”</p><p>“Pretty sure,” Katara said, leaning forward onto her toes before jumping on him entirely. She wrapped her arms around him. “A baby! Ah!” </p><p>Aang struggled to stand up and push Katara off of him slightly. “How is that even possible?” </p><p>“What do you mean?” Katara asked, leaning away finally. She cocked her head. </p><p>Aang looked her up and down. “You don’t look like you’re having a baby. How did this happen?” He began to pace in a circle.</p><p>Katara took a deep breath. “Aang, remember? About a month or so ago? That night when we…”</p><p>“That?” Aang said, taking a pause from his pacing to look at her. “That’s how this happened?”</p><p>“Aang, don’t you know? Where babies come from?”</p><p>Aang ran a hand over his bald head. “Yeah, I know. I know. Parents. But, we’re not parents. I mean, are we? We’re just kids. We can’t have a baby.”</p><p>Katara placed her hands on his shoulders. “Aang, you ended a war. You live in your own apartment. You're building a city that will serve as an example of harmony between the nations to the whole world! We’re not kids anymore. I’ve watched you grow up enough to know you’re not a kid anymore. At least… most of the time.” Katara offered him one of her signature compassionate smiles. </p><p>“I felt ready for all that stuff,” Aang said. “I still feel like I have so much work to do before I could ever have a baby.” He shrugged Katara’s hands from his shoulders. “I’m going to go for a flight with Appa.” He turned and made for the door.</p><p>“Aang, wait!” Katara called.</p><p>He gave a look back to her before walking out into the hallway. </p><p>She fell to her knees and began to sob. Why did she let this happen? Why did she ever think this would be a good thing? </p><p>She knows why she thought it would be a good thing.</p><p>//////</p><p>It was the day before the comet’s arrival, and Aang was nowhere to be found. After an afternoon of having split up to look, Zuko, Toph, Suki and Katara had already reconvened at the beach house. Toph stepped away for a moment to go “bust up some rocks.” She seemed kind of put out after having searched with Zuko for some reason. And Suki had her eyes pinned on the sky, waiting for Sokka to come back too.</p><p>Katara sat down on the steps of the house near Zuko, but not quite looking at him. Then she cast him a glance. He was already looking at her. His eyes were soft, like they usually were these days. He didn’t say a word, but Katara knew what he wanted to say. And with that simple moment of compassion, she felt herself break. Her shoulders collapsed in on themselves and she simply sobbed. And she couldn’t stop sobbing. </p><p>He slid down the stairs until he was next to her and put an arm around her shoulder. “He’s going to be okay,” he said simply. </p><p>“I don’t know why he always does this,” said Katara through sobs. “He always runs off like this. Like he has to handle everything by himself.” She wiped at her eyes, even though she was still crying. “And we just had this conversation the other day. He doesn’t have to do it alone. And newsflash! Even if he thinks he doesn’t need us… We need him!” </p><p>“Katara,” Zuko said. She looked up from her hands into his eyes. He looked serious now, but those gentle eyes were still there. “You don’t need him.” </p><p>Katara felt like her heart was catching in her throat when he said that, and her face felt like fire. She just stared at Zuko blankly, waiting for him to continue.</p><p>“You are the strongest woman I know.” Zuko looked away now, like he was embarrassed. “Yes, Aang is the Avatar. He’s responsible for bringing peace and balance to the world. And yes, we need him for the battle ahead. But it’s not your job to keep tabs on him. And you don’t need him.”</p><p>“Zuko, I--”</p><p>At that moment, Suki returned from her watch post. Zuko slid back away to his previous spot on the stairs and Suki plopped next to Katara. “Sokka’s about to land,” she said. It was like Toph materialized from nowhere and reclined on the step by Suki.</p><p>Katara wished they could finish that conversation, but they never did. They had been talking more lately in little stolen moments like that. And she always would wonder what exactly Zuko had meant when he said she didn’t need Aang. But she would always remember him telling her that she was strong.</p><p>//////</p><p>And as she dried her tears, standing from the floor of her tiny apartment, she held that truth in her heart. She was strong. And she didn’t need Aang. And she knew that she could do this, with or without him. And her heart started to swell with pride. </p><p>And at that moment, the door swung open to reveal Aang standing there with a bouquet of lovely yellow sun lilies. </p><p>Katara steeled herself. She felt the most odd mix of anger and happiness. Happy to have this small life growing in her. Angry that Aang walked out on her. Happy that he came back. Angry that she ever doubted him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Katara,” Aang said. “I don’t know what got into me. This is the best news I’ve ever gotten.” </p><p>He took a step forward and spread his arms wide. Katara stepped into them and leaned her head on his shoulder. </p><p>“Should we tell Sokka? Suki? Your dad?” Aang asked as he stroked her hair. </p><p>“No,” said Katara softly. “Not yet. Let’s just enjoy this. Just the two of us. Well, the two of us and Toph. She knows everything.” </p><p>Aang laughed. And that was one of the happiest days of Katara’s life. </p><p>And about a week and a half later was the saddest.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry I took so long to update the story. I hope you like the chapter. More Zutara-heavy chapters coming soon, I promise!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. it happened</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It takes losing everything to realize that you never had it all to begin with.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I updated the tags for this story with additional TWs, so please note these before continuing. I didn't want to add the tags before posting this chapter because it would be a spoiler. Thanks for understanding!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Then it happened. The worst day of Katara’s life. Katara thought that no day could be worse than the day her mother was taken from her. That was until she woke up, just days after having discovered the tiny life growing inside her, with the worst pain she had ever felt.</p><p>Toph and Sokka would be leaving town soon, and the courteous Katara didn’t want to wake Toph before necessary. But the pain was excruciating, emanating from her lower abdomen. She stumbled into the washroom, gritting her teeth to keep from crying. </p><p>It wasn’t until she looked down that it finally registered what was happening. When she saw the blood. She gasped, clasped a hand over her mouth to suppress the sounds of her sobs. She fell to the floor as her body shook. </p><p>Toph suddenly appeared in the door, clearly having been roused by Katara’s cries, even though she tried to keep quiet. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “Katara, what’s wrong?” </p><p>“Please, Toph,” Katara said through her gasping sobs. “I--Can you just go? And send Aang over here?”</p><p>Toph backed away. “Sure.” </p><p>It wasn’t long before Aang was in the doorway of Katara’s washroom. Katara felt like her body was being ripped apart, and the physical pain and immense sadness almost made her feel deaf and blind. Everything fading from view. The only thing Katara could notice was the grief. Aang was practically shouting by the time Katara looked at him with tear-filled, bleary eyes. “Katara! What happened?”</p><p>Katara wailed, unable to form words. </p><p>“I’ve never seen you like this,” Aang said. “Never. What’s the matter?”</p><p>“Aang--” She gasped again, trying to settle herself enough to form the words. “I lost it.” </p><p>“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Aang said, taking a step forward. “You’re just sad. You haven’t lost it.” Then he finally noticed the stains on Katara’s clothes. </p><p>“Aang. I lost our baby.” </p><p>“Katara,” Aang said, kneeling beside her. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>It suddenly hit Katara what this meant. She wouldn’t be taking the first steps toward rebuilding the air nomads. She failed. “I failed.” </p><p>“It’s not your fault,” Aang said, putting his arm around her. “You’re perfect, you did nothing wrong.”</p><p>“I’m not perfect, Aang,” Katara yelled, batting Aang’s arm away. “If I can’t do this for you, what good am I?”</p><p>“Katara?” Aang sat back from her and looked her in the eyes.</p><p>“I have to do this. If I don’t, who will?” She looked at Aang and the confused expression on his face. She heaved a heavy sigh. “But I can’t. It’s my duty to the world, but I can’t!”  </p><p>“Is that what you think?” Aang asked. “That it’s your job to be with me?”</p><p>“To rebuild your nation,” Katara said with a small voice, feeling foolish.</p><p>Aang’s eyes began watering. “Katara, it’s not your duty to do that. I can find another way to rebuild my people when the time comes. Maybe the lion turtle can help me?” He reached a hand out to brush the hair from her face. </p><p>She grabbed his wrist as his hand came to rest on her cheek. Did she really believe him? </p><p>//////</p><p>After that horrible play on Ember Island, everyone parted ways into their separate bedrooms in the beach house. Katara lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. The feeling of that frustrating kiss with Aang still lingering on her lips. She couldn’t possibly sleep, so she got out of bed.</p><p>She slunk down the hallway, past Sokka’s room where it sounded like he was talking to Suki. She didn’t linger to hear whatever they may have been discussing. She tiptoed past the loudest snoring she had ever heard from Toph’s quarters, taking care to be extra quiet so as not to wake her. Just as she thought she made it out without disturbing anyone, she saw Aang, standing in his doorway with red-ringed eyes. She couldn’t be sure if he was just tired or if he had been crying. She gave him a nod as she ducked out the door. She was shocked that he didn’t try to stop her, but maybe he was still upset about what happened earlier. Katara knew she wasn’t over it. </p><p>Bare feet sinking into the uneven sand, Katara paced the beach until her legs grew tired. She stepped to the pier, sat on the edge and dipped her toes into the water. The moon hung high overhead, reflecting against the water and creating a glittering, sparkling, glass-like sea. Katara wished that the peaceful scene ahead of her could soothe her inside. She had told Aang that with the war on, she couldn’t entertain thoughts of romance. And he had kissed her anyway. Why was she confused, though? Sokka and Suki weren’t confused. They had their relationship. They were happy. And they weren’t ignoring the war. It was like the war made their feelings even more clear to them. Why couldn’t Katara make herself feel that way too?   </p><p>She heard footsteps scraping on the wooden dock behind her. “You can’t sleep either?” It was that rough, yet soft voice that Katara had come to know so well lately. Zuko.</p><p>She turned and looked at him. He looked incredibly pale in the moonlight. Almost like he was glowing. He had said once that he rises with the sun. But he looked as handsome as ever in the gentle light of the night sky. Katara turned back to look at the water without uttering a greeting.</p><p>“Some play, huh?” he said, as he tugged his shoes off and came to rest beside her on the pier </p><p>“Huh,” said Katara, her thoughts drifting from the play, to the kiss, to the dark haired teenager beside her. He smelled of sage and something else. Something clean and pretty. She felt a slight comfort in the scent.</p><p>“What’s on your mind?” he asked, swirling his foot in the water next to her.</p><p>She drummed her fingers on the edge of the pier and blew a puff of air from her mouth. “Really? You want to know?” She didn’t look at him, but from the corner of her eye she could see his intense stare. He had gravitated toward her, ever since their trip to Whale Tail Island. He had even sat beside her at the play. She didn’t have to ask. She knew that he wanted to know what was on her mind. But she didn’t want to really talk about the kiss with Aang. Not yet. So she said vaguely, yet truthfully, “I’m just trying to think about what life will be like after the war.”</p><p>Zuko raised his eyebrow, like he was surprised. “After the war?” He leaned back and looked up at the stars. “I’ve not given it the slightest thought.” </p><p>“Me neither, really. Not until tonight.”</p><p>Zuko fluttered his eyelids. “Huh. I guess I don’t know what I’ll do when this is all over. If we win.”</p><p>“When we win?”</p><p>The corner of Zuko’s lip twitched upward. “When we win.”</p><p>Katara grinned. “Won’t you go home? To the palace or something?”</p><p>Zuko scoffed. “I’m not sure they would have me back.” Zuko sat forward and began to fidget with the hem of his tunic. </p><p>“But you’re the prince,” Katara said, her face feeling suddenly warm.</p><p>“Like that matters.”</p><p>“You’re going to be the Firelord someday, right? You’re next in line?” </p><p>Zuko’s face seemed somehow paler when she said that. “I hadn’t really considered… My uncle should take the throne. He’s the rightful heir to the throne. My father stole it from him.”</p><p>Katara cocked her head. “If Iroh’s the Firelord, what would that make you?”</p><p>Zuko swallowed deeply. “I’d still be the prince, I guess.”</p><p>“Does Iroh not have any heirs?” Katara asked thoughtlessly. </p><p>“My cousin Lu Ten,” he said. </p><p>“Oh,” said Katara. </p><p>“But, he’s gone now. Another casualty of the war.” Zuko rubbed his eye, like there was something in it.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” said Katara, reaching a hand out to touch Zuko’s arm. He felt so warm, even through his tunic. She felt like her hand was fire when she touched him. </p><p>Zuko sighed. “Lu Ten never got his chance. He was complicated, like everyone in our family. But he was a good kid. I always looked up to him. He was like a big brother to me. If he were still here, I know he’d be fighting alongside us.” </p><p>Katara could see Zuko clenching his jaw and she slid closer to him. “I’m sure he would be.”</p><p>A moment passed with the two, sitting shoulder to shoulder, watching the water as it gently lapped the posts holding up the pier. </p><p>Katara cleared her throat. “So I guess, one way or another, when the war is over, you’re going to be the Firelord.”</p><p>Zuko shrugged. “I don’t really think I’m fit for the job.”</p><p>“Of course you are,” said Katara resolutely. She looked into his eyes and saw his surprise written on his face. “You’re good, Zuko. And the Fire Nation needs someone like you. Besides that, it’s your duty. And your destiny.”</p><p>Zuko gave Katara a smirk. “Duty, huh? Destiny? You know, it’s only my destiny if I choose to do it.”</p><p>“Choose?” Katara asked stupidly. </p><p>“Yes. It’s a choice. I could always abdicate. Pass the throne off to some distant cousin. Or, if I have a kid someday, just pass it off to them.” Zuko rolled his shoulders. “I believe in destiny, but destiny is what you make of it.”</p><p>Katara looked at her hands in her lap. “Is that what you want? To abdicate?”</p><p>“No,” said Zuko. “I don’t think so. I never thought of it before, but I think it’s something I want to do, to be the Firelord.” </p><p>Katara smiled as she moved her hand to rest on the edge of the pier. “It must be nice to have a choice. To be able to choose to be one of the most powerful people in the world.”</p><p>Zuko placed his hand next to hers. Their little fingers just barely apart from each other. “You have the choice, too, you know.”</p><p>“I can be the Firelord?” Katara gave him a cocked eyebrow and sassy smile. </p><p>“No, not that. But you could be just about anything else you want to be,” he said. </p><p>Sitting so close, shoulders touching, fingers just about to graze one another, Katara could almost count his eyelashes. She felt ready to talk. “Zuko, about that. Choice. In the play, you said that you thought I was the Avatar’s girl. Do you really think that, you know, in real life?”</p><p>Zuko suddenly pulled away and gave her the most bewildered look. “What? Why would I?”</p><p>Katara suddenly felt embarrassed. “Aang seems to think that. At least, that I should be.”</p><p>Zuko’s face was scrunched up now in confusion. He kept looking at her face, like he was trying to figure out where this was coming from. </p><p>Katara finally looked away, unable to take Zuko’s weird expression anymore. “At the play, he kissed me.”</p><p>“Oh,” said Zuko, completely flat. “That’s why you can’t sleep,” he murmured, almost as if speaking to himself.</p><p>“I told him that with the war on, I was confused. Then he kissed me.” She still looked away. This was harder to talk about than she thought it would be just moments ago. She started bending the water beneath them subconsciously, just twirling it around her fingers.</p><p>“Katara, it doesn’t matter what I think or what Aang thinks. All that matters is what you think, what you want,” he said. She could hear a slight waver in his voice. Something was there, something else he maybe wanted to say, but he held back. </p><p>“I don’t know,” Katara said.</p><p>Zuko heaved a big sigh. “If you wanted it, I think you would know. But I can’t really say--”</p><p>“Well, I should, right? He’s the Avatar.” Katara could feel herself beginning to get nervous and the words just poured out of her. “I’ve been with him for months now. Almost a year, really. And he’s done so much for me and not to mention for the world. Don’t you think he deserves to be happy?”</p><p>“So do you,” said Zuko, pulling her chin to look her in the eyes. He had never touched her before this. Never on purpose like this. “Katara, it doesn’t matter if the whole world thinks you should be ‘the Avatar’s girl.’ If that’s not who you want to be.”</p><p>Katara just looked into his eyes as he held her face there. She felt a lump forming in her throat. Her lips were parted, but she couldn’t find the words to speak.</p><p>“You have to ask yourself the big questions,” said Zuko. “No one can force destiny on you, Katara. You must choose for yourself. What do you want? Who do you think you are?” </p><p>He dropped his hand finally and Katara felt her head clear. She remembered something she said to her brother just a few weeks ago. “I know who I am. I am a person who never turns her back on people who need her.”</p><p>Zuko smiled finally. “I know I said it didn’t matter what I think, but that sounds like you exactly.”</p><p>“And Aang needs me,” she said, standing up. </p><p>“That’s not exactly what I meant--” Zuko had started to say.</p><p>“Thanks for talking to me tonight,” Katara said. “I feel a lot better now.”</p><p>Zuko’s face fell. “Yeah, no problem.”</p><p>//////</p><p>Katara felt a sudden clarity and she stood up now, though still aching. “Aang, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.”</p><p>“What?” Aang asked, now standing with her. “Katara, what are you talking about?”</p><p>“You said it’s not my job to be with you,” Katara said, wiping the tears from her face. “I know I get to choose my own destiny. But for the past few years, I’ve just been following you around while you pursue yours.”</p><p>Aang’s lip quivered. “Katara, I never thought of you like that. That you were just following me. You always played a big role in everything I did. I couldn’t have done anything I have done without you.”</p><p>Katara steeled herself, straightened her back, and used her firm voice. “I know, Aang. But those times are over now. The world is at peace. And I just don’t see any reason that you need me around anymore.”</p><p>Aang took a step toward her, placed a hand on her soft, tan cheek. “I love you, Katara.”</p><p>Katara placed a hand over his. “I love you too, Aang. And I always will.” She lowered both of their hands, holding his in front of her as she faced him. “But I just can’t be this person for you anymore.”</p><p>Aang nodded. “Okay, then what person are you going to be?” </p><p>Katara forced a smile. “I don’t know yet.”</p><p>//////</p><p>The full moon still hung in the sky, but the light of the moon would be quickly replaced with the light of the sun. Katara sat back in the saddle while Zuko gripped the reins on Appa’s head. “We’re going to be there soon,” Zuko said. </p><p>Katara choked a little from having suppressed her sobs since they left the Southern Raiders’ ship off Whale Tail island. “I’m ready,” she said, though her voice wavered.</p><p>Zuko turned around to see that Katara was hunched up with her arms hugging herself. “Are you sure?”</p><p>Katara nodded, but couldn’t hold back anymore as a burst of tears spilled forth from her eyes. </p><p>Zuko climbed into the saddle, leaving Appa to guide himself. “Katara, what’s wrong?”</p><p>She shook as she tried to stop crying. This was embarrassing. She didn’t know Zuko well enough to cry like this in front of him. “How can you ask me that? After what I just did?” </p><p>Zuko knelt in front of her. “What? The… bloodbending?”</p><p>“So you know what it’s called?” Katara asked, sounding angry. </p><p>Zuko sighed. “Growing up, we heard the legends. Powerful waterbenders could harness the strength of a full moon to control the liquid in a living creature’s body. I always thought it was just a legend to scare us. To make us think that you all are savages. That’s the way they told it, anyway.”</p><p>Katara rolled her eyes. “A savage, huh?”</p><p>“I don’t think that,” said Zuko. “You’ve always been terrifying to me, Katara. Bloodbender or not.”</p><p>Katara laughed bitterly. “I’m not supposed to be like this. To be angry. That’s what Aang was saying. This rage, it hurts me Zuko.” Katara placed her hand over her heart as she finally looked Zuko in the face.</p><p>“As someone who was once on the receiving end of that rage, I can attest to how painful it can be.” Why was Zuko smiling? “I used to hate that about you, when we were on different sides.”</p><p>Katara scoffed. </p><p>“But I don’t hate it anymore, Katara,” Zuko said, mirroring Katara in placing his hand over his chest. “Your anger is one of my favorite things about you, if it’s not directed at me, that is.”</p><p>Katara’s face finally softened. “Really?”</p><p>“Yes, really. You have shown me what righteous anger looks like. You’re not a savage. Your anger is always channeled in the right direction. Now that I am with you, on your side, I mean, it makes me feel safe.” He sat back more comfortably now. “Whatever you’re feeling, you have to feel it. Completely. That’s the only way to come out the other side.”</p><p>Katara looked away, deep in thought. “You don’t think it’s wrong, then? What we’re doing?” </p><p>“If you think it’s right, then I know it is.” Zuko reached out, but stopped short of placing his hand on her shoulder. Suddenly he looked embarrassed and he drew his hand back. “I better get back to flying.” He scrambled away.</p><p>And Katara felt a validation she had never felt before. An understanding of anger she had never felt before. That anger could be a good thing. She always felt shame after anger, but after that, she never did again.</p><p>//////</p><p>That’s why when she stepped onto the boat with her brother to travel to the South Pole a few days later, she felt sure of herself. Totally and completely confident that she was doing the right thing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. now what?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>time heals all wounds, but what happens when the nice memories hurt too?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you feeling okay?” Sokka asked, leaning against the wooden door frame of the room underdeck where Katara lay. </p><p>Katara continued staring up at the animal hide hammock above her. It felt good to be surrounded by old familiar smells. It smelled like the Southern Water tribe in here. The fur blanket she had settled under made her feel like she did as a little girl, being cared for by her mother when she was sick. But now she was sick and had to take care of herself. She felt better than she had a few days ago when it happened, but still not great. Still aching. Still heartbroken. But she didn’t want to get into it with Sokka. She hadn’t even really told him what happened, just that she was sick and wanted to go home. “I’m fine,” she said coldly, darkly.</p><p>Sokka rubbed the back of his neck. “Katara, I know it’s none of my business, really, but…” He trailed off, never finishing the sentence. But Katara knew what he wanted to know.  </p><p>“I just wasn’t happy,” said Katara plainly.</p><p>“Well, it doesn’t really seem like breaking things off has made you any happier,” said Sokka, coming closer. </p><p>Katara rolled over to face the wall. She felt her face getting hot with tears threatening her eyelids. </p><p>“If you’re this miserable, maybe you should go back?” Sokka suggested. “We can turn around, if you want.” He placed a hand on her shoulder gingerly. </p><p>“No,” said Katara, shrugging the fur blanket up higher on her shoulder. “Even if I would be happier there, which I wouldn’t be, I still want to see the healers that have come to the South.”</p><p>“Are you really that sick?” Sokka asked.</p><p>Katara choked back a sob. “Just go back to steering the ship, captain.” </p><p>Sokka brightened a little bit at being called captain. “Okay, sis. Just shout if you need anything.” </p><p>Sokka went back to the deck to pull up the anchor and start sailing again. Katara wished that she could fly to the south pole on Appa; it would be faster. They had been at sea for days already and had many days to go. Many days to stay in her thoughts. </p><p>/////</p><p>The comet was over them, casting the sky in a glowing red. It would have been beautiful, if not for the circumstances. Katara had her eyes trained ahead. She could see the capital city of the Fire Nation coming into view. Zuko gave her a look, flexed his hand and exhaled a blaze of fire. She knew he was feeling the strength of the comet’s power. He looked more alive than she had ever seen him look. Stronger. </p><p>“Katara, before we do this, I just wanted to say something,” he said, looking at her with fire dancing in his eyes. His hair was blowing in the wind as they flew. Every part of him looked fluid now.</p><p>She felt her heart pounding in her chest, the excitement of the day finally getting to her, perhaps. Or maybe she was just curious about what he might say. “Yes?” She leaned toward him as they both sat on Appa’s head.</p><p>“Ever since we met, I always thought of you as… my counterpart in a way.”</p><p>“Huh?” said Katara. This wasn’t what she was expecting.</p><p>Zuko sighed, rubbed his arm as though he was unsure of something. “The Avatar was a huge threat to me, and my ultimate goal, obviously. But whenever we crossed paths and fought, it was always you who met me blow for blow. I always thought of you as my rival. My equal.”</p><p>Katara felt her face growing warmer, and though some of those memories were bitter still, she couldn’t help but smile. </p><p>Zuko continued. “You’re water and I’m fire. It just seemed like we were two sides of the same coin. And now, knowing you, I see how right I was to feel that way.” He swallowed, looked forward to the approaching city. He spoke a little faster. Maybe to make sure he said what he wanted to say before they arrived. Maybe because he was nervous. “That day in Ba Sing Se, the worst day of my life, when we were in those catacombs together, and you told me you lost your mother, I was thunderstruck. I couldn’t believe how alike we really were. When I was back home, in the palace, I was wracked with guilt over what I did to my uncle that day. But even more what I did to you.”</p><p>“Seriously?” Katara asked, placing her hand over his on the reins.</p><p>“That day, when we fought in the catacombs, I just kept thinking about how if you were on my side, we could accomplish anything. Then, when I was back in the fire nation, that thought kept circling back. And now that we are on the same side, I know that it’s true.”</p><p>“That’s why you wanted me to come with you today?” Katara asked, giving his hand a squeeze.</p><p>Zuko licked his lips. “That, and I wanted to be with you. To make sure nothing bad happened to you today.” He finally relaxed his tense shoulders. “It’s selfish, I know.”</p><p>Katara couldn’t believe what he just said. She just blinked at him, her mouth hanging open for a beat before recovering. “You know, when this is all over, no matter what happens, no matter what you decide to do…” Katara looked away and tried not to blush. “You’ll always have a home with us.”</p><p>Zuko smiled. “Thank you, Katara.” Then he sat up straighter. “Look,” he said, pointing to a silhouette standing in a courtyard. “It’s Azula.” </p><p>They started their descent.</p><p>//////</p><p>When they finally reached the Southern Water tribe port a few days later, Katara was shocked to see how much more the landscape had changed. The last time she had been there, it was already developing into something of a major city, but now the streets were cram packed with people in bulky parkas. Sokka guided her to her own village where Gran Gran and Pakku were living and Katara almost didn’t recognize any of it. The only thing that seemed the same was a watchtower that Sokka had built about five or so years ago. </p><p>“I can’t believe, of all things, that’s still here,” Katara remarked, jostling Sokka with her shoulder. </p><p>“I had to beg,” Sokka said with a little smile.</p><p>As they said this, Gran Gran emerged from her newly-expanded hut. She looked up to see her granddaughter who she hadn’t seen since Hakoda’s wedding. She spread her arms and Katara ran into them. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” Gran Gran asked warmly. “I thought you and the Avatar…”</p><p>“Gran Gran!” Sokka shouted over her, clearly trying to diffuse the situation. </p><p>“Sokka,” said Gran Gran, finally releasing Katara. </p><p>“Where’s my hug?” he asked, walking to her, crunching the snow beneath his feet. </p><p>“I see you all the time,” said Gran Gran.</p><p>“Too much,” mumbled Pakku as he came out to see the commotion. “Oh, Katara!”</p><p>Katara wrapped her arms around her step-grandfather. “Good to see you, master,” she said. </p><p>“I’m glad to see you,” said Pakku. “We’ve had a lot more students at the waterbending school. Many children have discovered they’re waterbenders since your last visit. Would you like to come give some lessons?” </p><p>Katara brightened. “Absolutely! I’m a little rusty, honestly, but it should be fun.”</p><p>Pakku looked at her like he was a little disappointed to hear that. “We’ll get you back in shape in no time.”</p><p>Katara traced her boot in the snow in front of her. “Before we get back to sparring, I need to see some healers.”</p><p>Gran Gran reached a hand to her granddaughter’s face and stroked her cheek. </p><p>Before she could say anything, Katara interjected. “I’ll be good as new soon,” she said. “I want to go see dad!” </p><p>Sokka gave each of his grandparents a one armed hug before running with his sister toward the big city hall in the center of the tribes where their dad, the head chief of the pole, was no doubt working.</p><p>“Glad to be home?” asked Sokka, putting an arm around his sister. </p><p>Katara shrugged. “I suppose. Don’t you miss Suki?”</p><p>“Like crazy,” said Sokka. “But we write letters all the time. And I’ve been working on painting so I can send her some portraits and she won’t forget this face.” He puckered his lips dramatically.</p><p>Katara laughed. “I’d love to see those,” she said. </p><p>Sokka missed the obvious sarcasm. “Absolutely. I have a whole studio here. When I’m not travelling the world as an ambassador of the South, it really brings me a lot of calm.”</p><p>Katara felt her stomach turn. What Sokka just described sounded like a dream come true. Like a perfect life, except for not having Suki near. “Are you happy?”</p><p>“You know better than anyone that I’m never happy,” Sokka said, grinning, leading her toward an icy boulevard. Katara never thought she would see roads in her hometown. </p><p>“Really, Sokka,” she said, elbowing him. </p><p>He sighed. “I mean, once Suki and I can finally be together. For real. Then, yes, I’ll be happy. So happy that I may be violently ill since I’ve never felt like that before.”</p><p>Katara’s eyes began to water, and she couldn’t tell if it was from the whipping winds or a swell of emotion for her brother. </p><p>“After we see dad, I want to show you something,” Sokka said. </p><p>“Okay,” Katara said as Sokka steered them into the imposing city hall.</p><p>He steered her down many hallways. Someone tried to stop them before Sokka explained who she was. “She’s the chief’s daughter,” he said.</p><p>“Sorry Mr. Sokka,” the security guard said.</p><p>Katara scrunched her eyebrows. She had been gone for too long. Nothing felt familiar anymore. People didn’t even recognize her anymore. She felt humiliated. </p><p>Sokka gave two knocks on a rather ornate wooden door.</p><p>“Enter,” a deep voice called from the other side. </p><p>They went inside the office. The walls were lined on either side with scrolls and maps outlining trade routes. The desk was piled up with loose papers, documents with signature lines that were half-filled. Hakoda was hunched over one such document. He had on little glasses. Katara had never seen him in glasses. He had a little strip of silver hair framing his face too. Was he getting old?</p><p>Sokka walked around the desk and looked over the document with his dad and Katara almost gasped with how similar they looked. Sokka looked like a younger clone of his father. Just a few years ago, his face had been so round and his eyes so big. Now Sokka’s face was beginning to sharpen. If he grew a little goatee, then Katara would have to do a double take. </p><p>She cleared her throat and her father finally looked up and lowered his glasses. “Katara!”</p><p>He practically leapt over the desk. It relieved Katara to see him still so spry. He wrapped his daughter in his strong arms. She felt a hot tear fall on her hair. “Sokka didn’t mention he was bringing you back with him!”</p><p>“It was a surprise for both of us,” said Sokka vaguely.</p><p>“It’s been too long,” said Hakoda, appraising his daughter. “You look so grown up now, you know that?”</p><p>“You too, dad,” said Katara, gesturing to his new gray hairs. </p><p>Hakoda laughed. “It was different when I was just the chief of our village. Now I’m the chief of the whole tribe. Stress will do this to you, Katara. Please, never get old. It’s no fun.”</p><p>Katara giggled like a little girl. She felt like one whenever she was around her dad and for a second she sensed her heart lighten. Then she felt the emptiness inside her and remembered that she wasn’t a little girl anymore. Little girls didn’t have problems like that. She gulped a little. </p><p>Hakoda stroked her hair gently. “You look just like your mother,” he said. He stooped to give her a kiss on the cheek. “When I get done working, I’ll come home and cook a big southern meal for you.” </p><p>“What about Melina?” asked Katara.</p><p>“She’s on a trip to the North right now,” said Hakoda with a little sadness in his eyes. </p><p>Katara wouldn’t admit it, but she felt relieved that her step mother wasn’t going to be there. </p><p>Hakoda was good to his word. On his way home from his office, he picked up a ton of ingredients at the market places and made a veritable feast. “It’s not as good as the way your mother cooked,” he said, spooning some sea prunes into Katara’s bowl. “But I’ve been getting a lot better since Melina’s in and out so much.” </p><p>Katara took in a giant bite. “Tastes just fine to me!” </p><p>“Here,” Sokka said, piling up some arctic hen on her plate. “This is the best.”</p><p>Katara grabbed a leg and ripped the meat off hungrily. She missed having meat at every meal.</p><p>“Wow! Sokka sharing his food!” Hakoda remarked. “He must have really missed you being home.”</p><p>Sokka just shrugged. “I’m going to have to get used to sharing,” he said. He pulled a ribbon out of his pocket. </p><p>Katara almost choked. “Is that a betrothal necklace?” she asked, her mouth still full.</p><p>“Yes, it’s what I said I was going to show you earlier. I made it myself.”</p><p>Hakoda took it from Sokka’s hand and held it up to appraise it, turning it over in his hands. “Well, it’s a good start anyway,” he said. </p><p>“What?!” Sokka spat. </p><p>Hakoda pat his son on the arm. “Your carving skills have greatly improved,” Hakoda said generously. </p><p>Katara held her hand out and Hakoda passed it to her. It was a green satin ribbon with a gold clasp on the back. Katara ran her fingers over the smooth seashell medallion on the center. Sokka had crudely carved a fan into the seashell. Katara felt her heart stir. “This is lovely, Sokka,” she said.</p><p>“Thank you!” Sokka said, taking the necklace back and folding his arms over his chest. </p><p>“No, the carving is terrible, but the rest is amazing,” Katara said with a chuckle. </p><p>Sokka pouted for a second before Hakoda put more sea slaw and whale bacon on his son’s plate. Sokka’s mood brightened as he continued to scarf down his food. </p><p>After dinner, as Katara was getting ready for bed, Hakoda knocked on the door frame. </p><p>“Come in,” said Katara, wincing a little as she folded down her sheets.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Hakoda asked.</p><p>Katara held back from rolling her eyes. She was tired of that question. “Yes,” she said as she eased herself into her lush and warm bed. The cold air made snuggling under the covers all the more satisfying.</p><p>Hakoda knelt by her bedside. “I noticed that Aang didn’t come with you,” he said gently. He didn’t ask why. He didn’t need to. Katara knew what he was getting at.</p><p>“That’s over,” she said. </p><p>“Okay,” said Hakoda, standing up.</p><p>“Okay?” asked Katara, surprised that there wasn’t more of a conversation.</p><p>“Whatever happened, I’m here for you. I always thought you two were kind of an odd pair,” he said.</p><p>“Really? You never said anything.”</p><p>Hakoda shrugged. “It wasn’t my place.” </p><p>“Huh,” said Katara, shocked at her father’s answer. She had never heard anyone remark on her relationship with Aang other than to say they were the most perfect couple ever.</p><p>“Not that it matters, but I always saw you with Fire Lord Zuko,” he said, casually.</p><p>“What?” Katara sputtered, sitting up in her bed.</p><p>Hakoda snorted a little laugh. “I’m partial toward that kid. Ever since he and your brother busted me out of the Boiling Rock.” He smiled a good-natured smile. Katara never thought in a million years she would hear that from her father.</p><p>He turned and walked out of the room, leaving Katara to struggle for sleep.</p><p>//////</p><p>It was the day after her father’s wedding. As many ships had come in from all over the world just a few days ago to celebrate the union were leaving the icy port now. Aang had flown back to Cranefish town on Appa the night before. </p><p>Sokka had been down at the docks all morning directing traffic out of the bay. Katara stood back away from the chaos, as he was sending Toph home with a giant hug and a familiar kiss on the cheek. She punched him in the arm, but Katara could see her smiling anyway.</p><p>“It’s a little bittersweet, huh?” a voice said beside her. She would recognize him anywhere. She glanced over to see her old friend in a bulkier, fur-lined version of his full Fire Lord regalia. It struck Katara how well Fire Nation colors blended with water tribe designs. He looked like the embodiment of warmth. </p><p>“I miss my friends,” Katara said, leaning toward him, wishing she could rest against his arm as she watched Toph climb onto a waiting ship. ‘We’re spread all over the world now.”</p><p>“You and the Avatar are still near one another,” he said, no hint of bitterness in his voice.</p><p>“Yes, and Suki with you,” said Katara. </p><p>“But it’s not the same,” said Zuko. “Not even Uncle Iroh is with me at the palace. Just Suki and my estranged mother and half-sister.” Now there was bitterness. </p><p>It had never crossed Katara’s mind before exactly how alone Zuko must feel. Sure, he had mentioned wanting a wife before, but he had no one, not even his mother, really. It never occurred to Katara that his relationship with his mother would be anything but pleasant. She at one time felt envy. The Fire Nation took his mother away, but he was able to get her back. Katara’s mom had never returned. She always assumed that having his mother back would be pure bliss. But there was the reality that Ursa had chosen to forget him when she was in her banishment. She gave Zuko up in exchange for a new life. There had been a time that she did not want him. And Zuko knew that. It all hit Katara in a sudden wave of grief and guilt. </p><p>“It hurts, doesn’t it?” Katara said gently. </p><p>“Some days are easier than others,” said Zuko. “Yesterday turned out to be a pretty good one.” He gave her a meaningful look. He was talking about their brief dance at the wedding. It had been fun. His eyes glistened a little. There were tears there, but he was still smiling softly, in the way that only Zuko could. Always so restrained. </p><p>“I miss you,” said Katara suddenly and stupidly. </p><p>Zuko looked taken aback for a moment before recovering. “And I you,” he said. He grabbed her hand for the briefest of seconds and gave it a squeeze. “But my ship is calling me now.”</p><p>Katara finally looked away from his glittering, golden eyes to catch sight of Suki in her full Kyoshi Warrior Suit kissing Sokka rather passionately as a goodbye. Then she waved for Zuko to hurry along. </p><p>“Until next time,” Zuko said, casting one last glance over his shoulder, his long hair whipping a little in the frigid wind. </p><p>“Bye,” said Katara weakly. </p><p>Sokka sidled up beside her, residue of Suki’s red paint still smeared over his lips. “That’s the last of our friends gone now. I hate that you’re going soon, too.” </p><p>Katara barely heard what Sokka was saying as she watched Zuko’s fading form slip into the shadows of his large ship’s hull. She didn’t know at that time that she wouldn’t see him again for almost a year. </p><p>//////</p><p>In the morning, Katara headed straight to the newly established healing clinic. It was currently only staffed by northern benders, as new benders in the south were all mostly children still, and very young ones at that. </p><p>When she ducked behind a seal-hide curtain into one of the back chambers, she was met by a familiar face. It was one of the little girls from the healing hut in the north pole. Katara had met her when she visited the north for the first time to learn waterbending with Aang. But now, she wasn’t some little girl anymore. She was about the same age as Katara had been back then. She wondered for the briefest moment if she would remember her, and really hoped that she would not. </p><p>“Katara?” she said, immediately. </p><p>“Hi, Yuki,” said Katara bashfully. “You’ve grown up quite a bit since I saw you last.”</p><p>“I can’t believe a waterbending master like yourself would need to seek healing from anyone else!” she remarked, taking Katara’s outer parka layer from her and laying it across a burlap pouf. </p><p>Katara grimaced. In all truth, most of her healing ability was innate or what little she learned during her short lessons in that healing hut all those years ago. She was confident in her abilities, but advanced healing was not exactly her specialty. She swallowed her pride. “I’m a master in the ways of combat, yes, but not exactly in the ways of healing.”</p><p>“I’ve been going to the combat school in the afternoons,” said Yuki. “I’ve heard rumors that you may be giving some demonstrations soon. I could give you some healing lessons in return, if you’d like.” She hauled over some cisterns of water toward a massage-style table and gestured for Katara to lay down.</p><p>“That would be lovely,” said Katara earnestly as she eased on to the exam bench. </p><p>“What’s the matter?” asked Yuki, pulling water over her hands. </p><p>Katara felt a lump forming in her throat. “Can you keep it a secret, please?”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Yuki said brightly.</p><p>Katara told her and Yuki nodded solemnly. “You’re in good hands,” she said. “Sadly, it’s a very common problem. More than you might think. Just try to relax. Close your eyes.” She eased her hands over Katara’s lower abdomen and began to work.</p><p>Katara felt a brief twinge of pain, then immediate relief. She felt as though she were being scrubbed clean from the inside out, like her body was being made new again. She had never been in this position before, being healed by another, but it felt strange. Intimate in a way that she wasn’t expecting. She gave Yuki a small smile before closing her eyes and relaxing as she’s been instructed.</p><p>Images flashed in her mind of the last time she seriously healed anyone.</p><p>//////</p><p>The Agni Kai was over, and Katara wasn’t sure what the rules were but she was certain every single one had been broken. Zuko had just come to, water still enveloping her hands as she looked into his eyes. She felt the tears spill over as he gave her his needless thanks. He had just taken a shot of lightning right to the chest. She told him as much before collapsing over him in an embrace, laughing as she couldn’t hold back these feelings anymore. </p><p>He held her back, his arms feeling strong even though he had just nearly died. </p><p>And even though Azula was still screaming in the background, chained down and unable to fight anymore, Katara couldn’t hear her. All she could see and all she could hear was Zuko.</p><p>“I love you,” he said, muffled as he spoke it into her hair. </p><p>Katara almost wasn’t sure that she’d heard him right, so when she pulled back from the hug, she rather stupidly said, “What?”</p><p>His face was serious. “I love you,” he said again, simply. She didn’t know what he meant. Love-love or just love? Either way, she was happy to hear it. She never thought she would hear those words from Zuko. She didn’t know if after all he went through he would even be capable of love. It was several seconds of her staring into his eyes with a big grin on her face later when he spoke again. “You don’t have to say it back.” He struggled to stand to his feet. </p><p>“Hey, hey,” she said, grabbing his hands. “I love you too.” She helped him to his feet. Another screech from Azula jarred them, and the two stared forward at her as she thrashed on the ground.  The moment dissolved and Katara never got the chance to find out how he meant it.</p><p>//////</p><p>Katara’s eyes snapped open. “Thank you,” she said, beginning to sit up.</p><p>“Your healing session isn’t over yet,” said Yuki, placing a petite hand on the older girl’s shoulder. “We’re almost done. I’m sorry if it’s painful. I promise, you’ll feel better tomorrow.”</p><p>“Right, right,” said Katara, getting a grip on herself again as she lay back down. She spent the rest of the appointment beating that particular memory back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. a new future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Suki's visit brings a new opportunity for Katara.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I apologize that it's been so long since my last update. I got a new job, had a birthday, etc. etc. I just forgot to make writing a priority, but I'm making sure to pencil in time regularly so I can continue to update this story more frequently. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few weeks passed in a relative haze. Katara would spend the morning attending healing sessions with Yuki, gradually moving from being the patient to being the assistant. She learned enough after a few days to take over healing herself fully, especially since Yuki had done most of the hard work already. </p><p>Then, in the afternoon, Katara and Yuki would make their way to the new waterbending school and Katara would give demonstrations and assist Pakku with lessons as his sparring partner. Katara could tell he was going easy on her, which was embarrassing, but she didn’t say anything. It would be more embarrassing if he upped the challenge and she couldn’t keep up. The children didn’t seem to know any better anyway. </p><p>In the evenings, she would go home to get started cooking dinner for Sokka and her dad. She didn’t need to, by any means. They had gotten used to fending for themselves since Melina was in and out so much. And when Melina eventually came home from her trip to the north, she especially didn’t need to. But Katara wanted to make herself as useful as possible and it served the extra benefit of keeping Melina and her terrible Northern cooking away from the kitchen. No one protested. </p><p>In the hour before going to sleep, Hakoda, Katara and Sokka would hunch over a table and work together on perfecting the carving for Suki’s betrothal necklace. Katara suggested that Sokka paint the details on, since he had improved that artistic form so much. Sokka had shown her his studio and his work was a far cry from the crude renderings he was infamous for in their time traveling the world.</p><p>One day, Sokka jostled Katara awake early, which was incredibly out of character for him.</p><p>“Katara, Katara!” he squealed in her ear.</p><p>She batted him away. “Go away!” she yelled.</p><p>“No!” he said, practically pressing his lips to her ear drum. “Suki’s coming today!” </p><p>Katara almost jumped at the news and gripped her brother’s shoulders. “Really!?”</p><p>“Yes, she sent a correspondence a while ago and it got held up,” he laughed. “I got the letter about five minutes ago and her ship is supposed to be here any time now.” Sokka was practically vibrating.</p><p>Katara began jumping and he joined in as they both squealed.</p><p>Hakoda appeared in the doorway. “What’s this?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.</p><p>Sokka immediately stopped his hopping and cleared his throat. “Uh-um, Suki is coming today,” he said with a bit more restraint. </p><p>Hakoda pumped his fist in the air. “Great news, son!” He came over and slapped Sokka’s back harshly, obviously not meaning to hurt his shoulder but doing so anyway.</p><p>Sokka rubbed the area where Hakoda slapped him. “Gee. Thanks, Dad.”</p><p>“So, you’re proposing?” Hakoda asked.</p><p>“That’s the plan,” Sokka said, standing up a little straighter. </p><p>“Good man,” his father praised. “Best of luck!” Then he left, presumably to go back to bed until a more reasonable hour. As soon as he was back in his room, Katara and Sokka resumed their excited dancing for a few minutes before getting dressed and ready to face the day.</p><p>Katara went into town once more people started milling around outside to tell Yuki and Pakku that her plans for the day, and probably the week, were changing. She was going to spend as much time with her soon-to-be sister-in-law as possible before she would inevitably head back to the Fire Nation. Even betrothed, she would still have her responsibility and loose ends to tie up before being with Sokka forever. Katara suspected that even once they married, they would still probably have to spend time apart because of their duty. But Suki was an independent woman, she would be okay with that. Sokka may not be as much, but he understood commitments more than anyone, possibly. </p><p>Sokka and Katara practically spent all morning waiting at the port, taking turns to procure snacks in town so they could stay nourished while they kept their watch. Three hours past midday, Katara spotted a tiny speck on the horizon. Sokka had dozed off sitting on a barrel, so Katara started slapping him as the speck got bigger and bigger until it became a Fire Nation ship.</p><p>“Wipe the drool off your chin!” Katara shouted as Sokka finally started to rouse.</p><p>He complied hastily as he noticed the red flags attached to the classic metal ship that could only be hers. He stood and sprinted to the edge of the water to stand on the docks and wave his arms.</p><p>Katara ran to stand behind him, and sure enough Suki was standing on deck in a green parka, waving her arms off. </p><p>Sokka had tears sparkling in his eyes. </p><p>Suki didn’t wait for the bridge to come down fully before bounding off of it and directly into Sokka’s arms. </p><p>It had been a long time. </p><p>Katara looked away as they shared this moment. It felt intrusive to stand there, like this was a special, private moment. She bounced on her heels and whistled, waiting for someone to say something. She pretended to be incredibly interested in the cargo of a ship in the adjacent spot. </p><p>“Katara, it’s good to see you,” Suki said after what felt like forever.</p><p>When Katara turned around, Suki was already wearing the green ribbon on her neck. “What?” she said by way of greeting, pointing rather rudely to Suki’s throat.</p><p>Suki placed her hand gently over the sea shell charm as her cheeks reddened. “We’re engaged!” she said.</p><p>Katara began to spit as she spoke. “I know! When did that happen?”</p><p>“Just now,” Sokka said, putting his hands on his hips. “Duh.”</p><p>Katara was about to ask how, why, and WHAT?! But just shook her head and gave Suki a hug.</p><p>The three walked into town to go share the news with everyone and the whole evening was spent in delirious happiness.</p><p>The next morning, Suki joined Katara at the market to pick up food for their meals that day. Katara was doubling her recipes and it reminded her of when she used to cook for the whole group.</p><p>//////</p><p>One evening, not long after Zuko had joined the group, just after he and Aang went off to learn about the origins of firebending, but before he helped liberate her father from prison, before he agreed to join her on her hunt to face the man who killed her mother, before he dove in front of a bolt of lightning to save her, before she trusted him at all, he walked into the little kitchen in the Western Air Temple and started peeling some potatoes with her. </p><p>Katara stiffened when she saw him from the corner of her eye. She didn’t dare look at him. She was still furious that Aang had decided to accept him as his firebending teacher. She was furious that Zuko had the audacity to sleep in the same temple as her. She was furious that he dared to stand in her kitchen and touch her potatoes. </p><p>Zuko peeled silently. If she had known all of his past, she would know that working silently was not a foreign concept to Zuko, and neither was the concept of earning his keep. So he peeled. Then he chopped. Then he surveyed the other ingredients on the counter and the boiling pot of rice on the clay furnace. “Are we making curry?” he asked, finally addressing her.</p><p>“I am making curry. I don’t know what you think you’re doing,” Katara barked, taking the paring knife from his hand with a swift swiping motion. </p><p>Zuko took a few steps back as Katara was basically pointing the knife at him now. “I…” he began, holding his hands up defensively.</p><p>Katara heaved a sigh, not wanting to scare him. She had to trust Aang’s judgment, even if she didn’t like it. She lowered the knife. “Just get out of my kitchen,” she said wearily. </p><p>“You don’t want my help?” Zuko asked meekly.</p><p>“No,” Katara deadpanned.</p><p>Zuko complied and left.</p><p>After dinner was served, Aang remarked on how delicious the food was. Katara felt a familiar warmth. She loved being a caregiver as much as she loved being a fighter. These two sides of her were equally useful and equally fulfilling. </p><p>While Katara was blushing with self-contentedness, she could hear Zuko humming as he delicately scooped the rice into his mouth with his chopsticks. Katara wasn’t sure she was seeing him correctly, but it looked like he was smiling. She felt her blush deepen. She was never really sure if Aang was being honest, as he liked to please her so much of the time. But Zuko’s smile she could trust, even if she couldn’t trust him. For a miserable person like him, the food must really be good to make him smile. He ate so properly, so gingerly. So princely. And then she felt a rush of hatred wash over her again. Of course the Firelord’s son would eat so cleanly. </p><p>She began to pick up everyone’s wooden bowls as Zuko finished his last few bites. But when she got to him, instead of handing his bowl over, he took it back to the wash basin and began to clean it. Now Katara was just confused. Was he like Toph when she first joined, insisting on carrying his own weight? How could he go from eating so regally to washing his own dish? She steeled herself for the confrontation and marched up to him, dead set on figuring out what his angle was. </p><p>She released the bowls from her arms to clatter on the ground near the wash basin. “What are you doing now?” she asked as the sound of the bowls falling echoed around the temple’s strange architecture. </p><p>While everyone else went about their business without notice, Zuko flinched, which made her feel a strange pang of sympathy. He looked up at her like a pitiful child. “I…”</p><p>“Well?” Katara demanded.</p><p>She could see his throat bob as he gulped. “I like to help,” he said simply.</p><p>She laughed. “A lot of help you were when you were chasing us around the globe trying to kill us.”</p><p>He ducked his head, no longer meeting her eyes. “Sorry,” he said, as though he hadn’t already apologized for that. He stood up without facing her and walked away to his quarters and Katara felt quite satisfied with herself. That is, until the next morning when she woke up and breakfast was already prepared. </p><p>She looked around the kitchen for any sign of Aang or Sokka, but she didn’t see them. Then her blood ran cold realizing who must have done it. </p><p>A voice called from behind her. “I wanted to help with breakfast, but it seems you like to work alone, so…”</p><p>Katara whipped her head around to see Zuko standing in the doorway with the wooden bowls in his hands, ready to dish up the rice and fruit he had prepared. Her face felt hot. This was her job. Her role. And why was he doing this?</p><p>Zuko could apparently see the rage on her face. “Did I not make it right?” he asked, shrinking back from her.</p><p>Katara felt mixed pity and anger to see him acting so fearfully. “Why are you doing that? I’m not going to hit you, you know.”</p><p>“I keep having flashbacks to when we used to fight,” he said, and she wasn’t sure if he was joking or not. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Katara groaned. “Stop apologizing. But what’s the deal with dinner last night, and the dishes, and now breakfast?”</p><p>Zuko barely cocked his head. Apparently now he was confused. “I told you, I like to help,” he said. </p><p>“Well, you can stop,” Katara said, crossing the kitchen to him and taking the bowls from his hands. “I can handle it fine myself. I’ve been handling it ever since we left the South Pole.” </p><p>Zuko still stood there even after it seemed like he was being dismissed. “I know you can handle it,” he said. “But burdens are meant to be shared. Especially between friends.” </p><p>Katara didn’t realize that he was quoting his Uncle when he said that. “Well, you’re not my friend so…”</p><p>“I want to be,” he said back quickly. Then he finally did leave.</p><p>The words stuck with Katara. He wanted to be her friend. The thought seemed so strange. This person who she saw as nothing more than a foe… Wanted to be her friend. She dismissed the notion as she divided up the food Zuko had made into everyone’s bowls.</p><p>As Sokka, Aang and Toph arose and made their way to eat breakfast, Zuko stood a way off, eating alone. </p><p>Aang took a single bite. “Oh, Katara, you cooked the rice perfectly,” he said.</p><p>“Well, Aang,” she began, ready to explain that she hadn’t done it, but suddenly Zuko was standing by her.</p><p>“She always does a good job,” he piped up, not allowing himself to receive any credit. “Thank you, Katara.” He handed her his bowl. </p><p>Their eyes met for just a moment. “Zuko, do you think you could help me with these dishes actually?”</p><p>Zuko’s lip twitched, threatening to smile. “Sure.”</p><p>///////</p><p>Suki held up a sea prune and a sea cucumber for Katara to judge. “Which is better in a stew?” she asked, leaning back against the produce stall. The shop keeper had left it unattended with a basket for payment placed out in good faith.</p><p>“You’re not much of a cook are you?” Katara asked, taking the prune from her hand and placing it in her basket. </p><p>Suki shrugged and dropped a coin in the basket. “Not when it comes to South pole food at least. I don’t know how I’ll ever please Sokka in that regard.”</p><p>“Sokka will eat anything,” Katara said, waving a hand at her future sister-in-law by way of comfort. A beat passed in silence as the girls made their way to a fish stall. Katara cleared her throat, her memories of Zuko helping in the kitchen still boiling just under the surface of the conversation at hand “How is Zuko?” she asked eventually.</p><p>“Oh, well, Zuko is a lot more picky than Sokka is,” Suki said. “He barely eats, honestly.”</p><p>“Oh, I didn’t mean how does he eat, I meant, like generally?” Katara felt foolish as her cheeks became warm. Thankfully, in the cold climate, everyone’s cheeks looked fairly rosy.</p><p>Suki pointed to a couple of large fish and the shopkeeper began wrapping them. She hummed like she was considering her answer. “He’s doing better in a lot of ways. He’s less and less paranoid that someone’s going to assassinate him in his sleep, but even still, he’s almost always tired.” She said it with a lilt to her voice, like there was something funny about the political unrest in his home country and the threats against his life. But maybe she was just trying to be light and not worry Katara too much while still being honest.</p><p>“He’s not sleeping?” Katara postulated as they walked to the next stall for their final ingredients.</p><p>“No, it’s not that,” Suki said as she watched Katara pick up some herbs and spices. “Well, not exactly. He stays up so late working. He’s become such a perfectionist. He could sit back on the throne all day, never lift a finger, and still be king. But he wants to be involved.”</p><p>Katara tucked the herbs into the basket and gave the shopkeeper her coin. “That’s good isn’t it? He could get taken advantage of otherwise. Especially in a nation where there are still some tensions left over from the war.”</p><p>Suki smirked in a conciliatory way. “I suppose you have a point. But maybe if he wasn’t so lonely, he would have a better way to use his time aside from pouring over trade deals and import registers.” </p><p>Katara mulled that over as she remembered the last letter she received from him.</p><p>//////</p><p>It had been months since Hakoda’s wedding and Katara had a vague feeling of homesickness, which she had never really had before. Aang was busier than ever with work in Cranefish town and with civil unrest in some smaller Earth Kingdom colonies that were now independent again. Things were going well in the realm of peace-making, but Katara felt personally quite out of sorts. </p><p>One morning, a mail-carrier greeted her outside of the apartment building while she was walking to a lecture in the community center. A professor from Ba Sing Se University was in town to discuss small-scale agriculture so the townspeople could try their hand at growing their own vegetables. </p><p>“Miss!” the mail-carrier said.</p><p>Katara turned around to the kid, he was probably about Aang’s age when they had first met. “Are you Katara of the Southern Water Tribe?” he asked, holding a scroll out to her. Katara recognized the seal on it immediately. It was a letter from Zuko. </p><p>Without a word, she took it from the kid's hand and abandoned the lecture. She walked briskly back up the stairs of the building, entered her apartment, and locked the door. Aang wasn’t even in town, off to see some small town mayor to discuss a possible angry spirit or something, but Katara still felt the need for extra privacy. Zuko rarely wrote. This was one of very few letters she had from him and they were some of her most treasured possessions. Written on fine parchment with smooth, black ink. The seal was of a red wax, brushed with gold leaf. It was exquisite, down to the satin ribbon that encircled it. She held it to her nose and breathed in. Even the smell was totally Zuko. In these small moments, Katara felt home again. She realized as she held the letter that her homesickness wasn’t for a place, but for people. She missed Zuko. She missed Suki. She missed Toph and Sokka. It was her family she needed, not the South Pole. </p><p>She carefully pulled the ribbon, which lifted the wax seal, allowing the letter to unfurl and reveal Zuko’s careful handwriting. She held her hand over the page and pressed her fingers on it, imagining his hands that once touched this very paper. </p><p>Finally, her ritual was complete and she began to read what he wrote. </p><p>
  <i>Dear Katara,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I apologize that it has been so long since I last wrote, and since I last saw you. Your father’s wedding was such a joyous occasion, but the memory is a little sad to me now as I realize I haven’t seen you, Sokka, Toph, or Aang since then. The months that have passed have been filled with what my Uncle calls “idle business.” I have no time for anything these days. I haven’t picked up my swords in forever. I haven’t read any poetry. I haven’t even visited my turtleducks. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Katara, you really ought to come to visit the palace. I think you would find the turtleducks to be quite charming and I bet they would love to play with a waterbender. They can be quite friendly once they get to know you. If I were to visit them today, I bet they wouldn’t even recognize me. I barely even recognize myself. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>It’s customary for the Firelord not to cut his hair once he has been crowned, but because of that, when I look in the mirror, I just see my father. It may sound crazy, but I’m grateful for my scar now. Without it, I would really look just like him. How different my life would be now if you had healed my scar all those years ago in those caverns. Life is funny that way, I suppose.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I’m sure you’re busy with your own things, so please don’t feel any pressure to write me back. It makes me glad just to know that even across the globe I have such wonderful friends to write to. I hope that you are well. I think of you all the time.<br/>
Love,<br/>
Zuko</i>
</p><p>The letter hadn’t been particularly romantic, but Katara still felt herself blushing when she put it down. She immediately went for her brush and ink and sat down to write her response, which was far less eloquent and thoughtful, but just as earnest. </p><p>
  <i>Dear Zuko,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Trust me, I understand the whole concept of “idle business,” probably better than you, considering the work you do is important on a global scale. I fear those days are far behind me. I wish I had something better to do, even if it was just visiting your turtleducks. They sound precious. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Everyone always tells me how much I look like my mother. My dad, my gran-gran, everyone else from the tribe really. I always take it as a compliment, even though there is a feeling of guilt there too. I couldn’t imagine how you must feel. I loved my mother. Your relationship to your father is so different. But I can assure you, I saw no resemblance the last time I saw you and I doubt you could have possibly changed that much. But even if you have, you can make your own way. Just chop your hair off! I remember what you looked like in your fugitive days with your short hair. You looked so young. If I hadn’t hated your guts so much, I might have thought you were cute. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Tell Suki I say “hi” and to come visit us here soon. You could come with her maybe. Your insight would be valuable to the local councils here and your company would be valuable to me, if I may be a little selfish. I hope you can find a little peace and a little downtime soon. I bet your turtleducks miss you more than you know. I know I do.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Love,<br/>
Katara</i>
</p><p>She read back over her words time and time again. Did she sound… longing? She hadn’t meant to. And she had kind of called him cute. But she didn’t want to overthink it, so she rushed to the mailing service at the docks and imagined the journey her parchment would go on as it traveled over the globe until it reached the hands of the Firelord. She imagined his long, delicate fingers undoing the ribbon and savoring her words like she had savored his. She felt a warm buzz course through her as she walked back to her apartment to read his letter again.</p><p>///////</p><p>The girls began to walk back to her father’s house. Katara hummed.</p><p>“What are you thinking?” Suki asked.</p><p>“Do you think… I could come with you when you go back to the Fire Nation?” she asked, hesitancy making her words incredibly soft and slow.</p><p>“Seriously?” Suki asked. “I wouldn’t mind at all, and I’m sure that Zuko would be more than happy to see you too.” </p><p>Katara felt her face go warm. “You think? Last time he wrote to me, he said I should come see him. But what if he was just being polite?” She bit her lip nervously.</p><p>Suki snorted. “He may be the Firelord, but he very rarely does anything for cordiality’s sake, believe me. If he said that, he meant it.” </p><p>Katara suppressed her smile. She wanted to run and skip. The thought of visiting her friend, of getting out of the South Pole and traveling again, made her feel as happy as she had felt when she had found those Waterbending scrolls those years ago. Like a piece of her that was missing had been found. Like she was on a path moving forward again. Eventually, she calmed herself enough to speak. “Thank you, Suki.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. a little help</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It seemed an eternity before Katara and Suki were on their course to the Fire Nation. The days passed agonizingly slowly. She informed Pakku that her time at the Waterbending school was coming to a close and she made sure to thank Yuki for the healing lessons. Yuki told her that it was a good thing that she was leaving, as Katara’s healing abilities were beginning to surpass those of her teacher. Katara was grateful for that commendation. She was glad that her time back home had been useful and productive. </p><p>Her father took the news quite hard. “We’ve just gotten you back home and now you’re leaving again?” he had pouted.</p><p>“Now you know how we felt,” Katara wanted to say. But instead she just hugged him and told him that she would miss him and that she would come back home soon. </p><p>She honestly had no idea how long she would stay with Zuko and where she would go after she left his company. Would she take up world travel? Would she go back and learn more about vine bending with her distant relatives in the swamp? Not likely, but possible. Maybe she would travel to the North Pole to ensure the new tradition of training females in Waterbending was being upheld? Maybe she would go work with Toph at her metal bending school? Not that she would be of any help there, but it could be fun. Once she got off of this chunk of ice, anything could happen. In any case, she packed her bag with as much as she could carry. Now she was healed, and maybe soon she would be whole again. She would find out soon enough.</p><p>When the day finally arrived, Sokka blew snot bubbles as he cried over his sister and fiancee’s departure. They were all standing by the port together, Sokka, Hakoda, and Gran Gran. Suki scolded Sokka and told him to get it together, that she wasn’t going to kiss him with drool dripping down his face. He sniffed and wiped his face on his parka sleeve. Suki grabbed his cheeks and pressed her lips to him. Katara looked away, so as to give them a moment of privacy, remembering that last time she did, they had gotten engaged. </p><p>After a few moments, Suki tapped Katara’s shoulder. “Let’s go,” she said, adjusting her bag on her shoulder.</p><p>Katara nodded and gave her brother a quick hug. Then her father, and lastly Gran Gran. “I hope you find what you’re looking for,” she whispered into her granddaughter’s ear. </p><p>Katara gave her Gran Gran a nod, no longer surprised at the old woman’s perceptiveness, then followed Suki onto the same Fire Nation ship that had dropped her off a few weeks ago. Suki led her down a corridor under the deck. It reminded Katara of the ship they had been on with Zuko when he took his mother back to the Fire Nation for the first time. She half-expected to round a corner and find Kiyi playing tag with Zuko. Her heart began racing. </p><p>“Here’s our bunk,” said Suki. It was more than a humble sleeping quarter. There were two plush mattresses on the floor with resplendent red silk sheets. There were tapestries on the wall, Fire Nation insignias and other such imagery. There was a time in Katara’s life when those symbols were detestable and filled her with dread. But now, they reminded her of a single person, one who she admired and was so excited to see. </p><p>Katara ran her hand over a wall hanging of some fire lilies. </p><p>“Beautiful, aren’t they?” Suki said, noticing Katara’s fixation on the art. </p><p>Katara turned around. “You have it pretty nice as Zuko’s security detail, don’t you?”</p><p>Suki snickered. “You could say that. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, though, you know.” Suki dropped her bags on the mattress nearest to the mirror and small vanity. Katara took the bed nearest her new favorite tapestry by default and dropped her bag next to it with a satisfying <i>thump</i>. </p><p>“Of course it’s not,” Katara said encouragingly. “I’m sure the job is quite stressful. Especially considering the Firelord’s moods.” She laughed, only half meaning it.</p><p>Suki smiled. “Zuko and I have become pretty close over the years, actually,” she said. “He’s a good friend.”</p><p>Katara felt a sudden pang of jealousy. All these years, Katara and Zuko’s friendship had been confined to letters and all too brief visits. Small adventures. Not years of close confidence that Suki had. She lived in his palace. Of course, Suki probably felt sad that she was stuck there when her boyfriend was in the South Pole. Distance is cruel, Katara thought.</p><p>Suki cleared her throat like she was suddenly nervous, pulling Katara out of her thoughts. “Katara, you don’t have to tell me a thing, but I am a little curious. What happened to you and Aang?”</p><p>Suki hadn’t wasted much time. As soon as the two girls were truly alone, she pounced with the one question Katara wished she could avoid. But she didn’t blame Suki. She and Aang had been inseparable for years. She still loved him, too. But it was different now. She felt a pit forming in her stomach as she considered her answer.</p><p>“Something… happened,” Katara said unhelpfully, not wanting to be specific. She could hear the engines coming to life and the ship was pulling out of port. She took a deep breath to calm herself. The ship was moving, she was moving. She couldn’t continue to let this hold her back. She had to be able to let it go. Maybe talking would help? And Suki would be the one to talk to. Toph knew what happened, at least vaguely, but she wasn’t exactly a shoulder to cry on. Suki could be, if she needed to.</p><p>Suki raised an eyebrow. She was trying to be polite, but Katara could tell what she was thinking. <i>Duh.</i></p><p>Katara exhaled. “I wasn’t really happy anymore. I felt stuck,” she said. This was truthful, but she had to keep pushing to the hardest part so she could get past it. The pain would always be there, but if she could bring herself to talk about it, at least she wouldn’t have to face the pain alone. “Things were weird between Aang and I anyway. I wanted to get married, he wasn’t convinced. But we ignored it.” Katara fell into her mattress and closed her eyes, feeling very suddenly ashamed. “Then I let him…” She wasn’t sure how to say it, so she just trailed off. “Anyway, I got pregnant.”</p><p>Katara could hear Suki stifling a gasp. It wasn’t exactly scandalous. People had children without being married all the time. But Katara was traditional, and Suki knew that. When Katara was a girl, she used to giggle with Suki about getting married someday and what kind of dresses they might wear. Typical. And while Katara couldn’t seriously entertain a relationship with the war on, Suki could. And either way, fantasies were a fun diversion. This was not the fantasy Katara had described at all. Suki was surely thinking all of this too, but she stayed silent, waiting to hear how this story could possibly end.</p><p>Katara felt her eyes stinging. “I lost the baby,” she said simply, though her throat was closing around the words. She covered her eyes with her hands to press the tears back, not that it worked. They began flowing down her cheeks onto the beautiful bed sheets. She sucked in a deep breath so she could finish, but she felt Suki sit beside her. Suki placed a hand on top of Katara’s head and stroked her gently. It felt nice. </p><p>“You don’t have to tell me anything else,” Suki said. “I shouldn’t have asked.”</p><p>“No, no, it’s okay,” said Katara. She sat up and wiped her face on the sleeves of her parka. She felt hot now and shed the outer layer. The inner parts of the ship were warm even though the outside air was so bitter cold. “I want to talk about it. I’ve been keeping it all inside for so long, pretending that it didn’t happen.”</p><p>Suki nodded.</p><p>Katara continued. “When I lost the baby, I felt guilty. Like I was letting the Air Nomads down. And I realized then how much of my relationship with Aang felt like a job. Like it was my job to be with him. To help him. To comfort him. To restore his people. It wasn’t the same as before. I wasn’t with him just because I loved him. Honestly, there’s always been a part of me that felt like I owed him that.” She shrugged casually. </p><p>“I hate that it took such a terrible thing happening to make you realize that,” said Suki. She had moved her hand down to Katara’s shoulder. </p><p>Katara gave Suki a smile. “Thanks, Suki. I always wondered how you and Sokka seemed so sure.” </p><p>Suki gave Katara a confused look.</p><p>“When the war was on, you two just knew,” Katara said. “The war made all my feelings more confusing.”</p><p>Suki rolled her shoulders. “I love him,” she said simply with a dreamy smile. “I always have. If anything, the war made it all more clear. I felt like if we weren’t going to live past the comet, then we should make the most of our time while we still had it. I always felt a sense of urgency. Sokka had to know how I felt about him. I had to spend my time with him. I couldn’t waste a moment.”</p><p>“Hmm,” said Katara. It made sense and she had always assumed that was the case. That Suki and Sokka were fighting against time and fighting to be together. She used to half-wonder when the war ended if they would fall apart. But they were still as in love as ever. She reflected for a moment. When had her feelings become clear for Aang? It wasn’t on the day of the comet, even after she had learned that Aang had won. It was later.</p><p>///////</p><p>The day of Zuko’s coronation was upon them. It was a huge occasion--the first time that dignitaries from other nations had been invited to the Fire Nation capital in almost one hundred years. Aang was preparing his monk’s robes. Katara had asked if he needed help, but she had no idea what they were supposed to look like. Aang had gone back to the Southern Air Temple alone the day before to find Monk Gyatzo’s wooden beads to wear for the occasion. In spite of Aang’s eagerness before the comet, now he seemed hesitant and distant. Katara didn’t mind because things were still confusing. More now than ever, honestly. Ever since Zuko took that bolt of lightning to the chest for her. </p><p>She found herself creeping around the palace before the ceremony. She wanted to see Zuko before he was crowned. To congratulate him. To get one last look at him before he officially became the ruler of a nation. So she could remember him how she knew him. A humble prince. </p><p>And maybe she wanted to ask what he had meant when he told her that he loved her. She wanted to know desperately. Maybe an answer to that question would quell her confusion?</p><p>She rounded a corner and caught sight of Zuko pulling on his robe. He was still bandaged. Katara had been the one to wrap the first bandages around him. She shuddered as she remembered the feeling of his muscles under her fingers as she encircled him with the gauze. Now he was being seen to by the attendants in the palace. Katara knew it was for the best, but she worried for him, constantly. He should have died and he needed vigilant care. He needed a waterbender. He winced as he dressed himself and Katara knew that he needed more sessions with her. If she was being honest with herself, he needed more sessions with a more trained healer. </p><p>She was ready to come out and address him when she heard a husky female voice address him. The gloomy girl, Mai. Katara had heard that they once dated and that she was instrumental to their escape from the boiling rock, but part of her assumed that Mai was still on the other side. Just because she had a history with Zuko, that didn’t automatically make her good. Shouldn’t she be in prison or something? She had helped Azula overthrow the king in Ba Sing Se after all.</p><p>She strained to hear their conversation. Mai was saying something about him not breaking up with her again. Katara watched then as they hugged. And kissed. It felt like acid was rising in her throat. She ran out of there and back to the waiting crowds in the courtyard. She quickly found her father and Sokka. Suki came by and informed them that Tai Lee would be officially joining the Kyoshi Warriors. Katara could feel herself shrugging. I guess everyone trusted Azula’s friends now. All it takes is one act of kindness and all previous guilt is washed away. Katara was tired of not being able to forgive people. So she just let it go.</p><p>It wasn’t long before everyone’s attention was called to the balcony as Zuko stepped out. He looked beautiful, for lack of a better word. His hair was pulled away from his face, his scar in full view of the people. Finally, he was not ashamed, it seemed. Maybe, for just a moment, he felt honorable. He was so humble in his speech, Katara fought back the urge to swoon. It didn’t matter if Zuko loved her when he apparently still loved Mai too. And now, Aang stepped out to join him. Katara felt her breath get knocked out from her. Aang looked so mature and regal. And he was sharing a stage with Zuko. Aang was a good choice. A smart choice. Katara smiled at him, knowing that he would be staring right back at her. Now, she was ready. </p><p>//////</p><p>Katara groaned and felt very stupid. </p><p>“What is it?” Suki asked.</p><p>“What if I’m making a huge mistake?” asked Katara.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Suki asked.</p><p>“Leaving Aang,” Katara said. </p><p>Suki blew air out of her nose and snorted. “No way,” she said. “He’s a great kid, no doubt about that. Smart, cute, and not to mention the Avatar…”</p><p>“You’re NOT helping!” Katara said, suddenly feeling like she was talking to her brother and not Suki. </p><p>“You have to let me finish!” Suki said. “Those things don’t matter if you don’t feel one hundred percent yourself when you’re with him. And most importantly, if you aren’t happy.”</p><p>“Happiness is overrated,” Katara grumbled bitterly, not really meaning it.</p><p>Suki laughed. “That sounded just like Zuko.” </p><p> </p><p>The days drug on slowly, each day bringing the girls closer to the Fire Nation. Katara lamented that she no longer had the luxury of flying around on Appa’s back everywhere. Travel by sea, even though she was surrounded on all sides by her element, was incredibly uncomfortable and dull. At nights, she would sneak up to the deck and pull the ship along the water faster with her waterbending, careful not to change course and not to alert the captain and crew of the ship. Knowing the Fire Nation culture of honor and respect, it would probably be an insult to their captaining if they realized she was speeding things along.</p><p>One morning, Suki roused Katara gently to tell her “We’re pulling up to Ba Sing Se.” </p><p>“Huh?” said Katara.</p><p>“I always like to stop in the city,” she said. “Things are quite different there now. We can go shopping. Visit Iroh.”</p><p>Katara sat upright with eagerness. Seeing Iroh was a rare treat. Katara almost laughed when she remembered that there was ever a time that she thought he was a bad guy. He had truly deceived them all. </p><p>She got dressed hastily, choosing to wear an old green silk tunic and pulling her hair up into a loose bun. She felt rather refined and wanted to look nice for a visit to his lovely tea shop.</p><p>Suki appraised her outfit kindly. “Let me do a little makeup, too, please,” she begged. “It will really complete the look!” She already had brushes in her hand. </p><p>Katara wasn’t opposed to wearing makeup, really, she just never had any. Suki kept some lip color and eye liner for everyday use and that was all she put on Katara’s face. Katara gazed in the mirror when Suki finished and felt more precise, somehow. It wasn’t like the over-the-top makeup she had done for the Earth King’s party all those years ago. It was simple. In fact, if you didn’t know better, you might not be able to tell that she was wearing any. But she could tell. “Thank you, Suki. You’ll have to do this for me everyday now,” she said.</p><p>Suki waved her hand. “Not needed. But if you like it, all you have to do is ask.”</p><p>Katara felt nervous. The city always made her feel that way. She had been back to visit after the war, but the memories of the border checks and passports and bureaucracy of it all made her feel a sense of dread. </p><p>She walked behind Suki at the port. Suki flashed a document with the Fire palace’s seal on it and admittance was granted immediately. They stood in a line for one of the monorails and soon they were off toward the upper ring.</p><p>Katara and Suki spent the afternoon window shopping. Katara really didn’t have any money, so even if she liked something she saw, she couldn’t have it. Suki just bought a pearl hair pin, citing it as a wedding expense. Eventually, they settled down at a table in the Jasmine Dragon. Katara drummed her fingers on the table as a waiter approached to take their order. </p><p>Then she heard that familiar, booming voice, “Gin Seng, up!” It was Iroh who, in spite of being the owner, was still brewing all the tea. Katara peeked to see his face in the kitchen window, and their eyes met. Iroh looked startled at first, then happy. Katara could see him loosening the ties of his apron and a moment later, he pushed his way out of the back room.</p><p>“Miss Katara,” he said warmly. “And Suki!” </p><p>“Hello, Iroh,” Suki said. “It’s good to see you, as always.”</p><p>Katara suddenly realized that these two had become better acquainted over the years. Katara felt shy now. “Hello, Iroh,” she said quietly. </p><p>“My, how lovely you look,” said Iroh. “You get more beautiful with every passing year.” </p><p>Katara felt herself blushing. </p><p>“Come now, don’t be embarrassed. You ought to know that ladies like yourselves don’t come around every day,” Iroh said. </p><p>Suki giggled. “Thank you.”</p><p>Iroh took a seat at their table now. “I’m so pleased to see you both, but Katara, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company this day?”</p><p>“I suppose you have gotten used to seeing Suki over the years, huh?” said Katara meekly, still feeling uncharacteristically shy. </p><p>“She accompanies my nephew when he visits and of course I see her when I visit my old home as well,” Iroh said. Their waiter returned and poured their tea. Iroh held up a cup and the waiter poured some for him as well. “Thank you, Lee,” Iroh said. His employee bowed and excused himself. “When Zuko and I were refugees in this city, he went by Lee.” He smiled as though the memory was pleasant, but Katara couldn’t see why. </p><p>“Zuko doesn’t look like a Lee at all,” Suki remarked with a laugh. </p><p>Iroh leaned in and cocked a grey eyebrow. “Do I look like a Mushi? That’s what Zuko called me.”</p><p>Katara couldn’t help but giggle with Suki now. Even though Zuko was an enemy in those days, there was still something soft about him. He was just a kid, after all.  </p><p>Suki sat upright in her chair suddenly. “Would you excuse me for a moment? I think I recognize an old friend from when I used to work at the ferry station.”</p><p>Iroh and Katara nodded and Suki ran out of the tea shop and onto the street. They watched her as she went out of view, chasing down her acquaintance on the pavement. Iroh cleared his throat. “I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but were you not going with the young Avatar?”</p><p>Katara snapped back to look at Iroh. This conversation again. But Iroh was wise, she could ask him for his advice and maybe a helpful proverb. She let her guard down. No sense in acting embarrassed. “Iroh, do you think it was wrong for me to leave him?” she asked, knowing he would be able to fill in the blanks.</p><p>“I once told the Avatar that choosing love and happiness is better than perfection and power. He was seeking advice, I believe, about his feelings for you.” He said this calmly and evenly, taking a sip of his tea. </p><p>“I see,” Katara said. So Iroh had basically told Aang to go for it, to pursue Katara. Iroh had all but given the relationship his blessing. She turned her eyes down in shame. </p><p>Iroh must have sensed her sadness at his words. He reached over and placed his hand on her shoulder for just a moment. “Miss Katara, the same advice goes for you. In this world, people will expect certain things of you, but it is not your job to meet those standards.”</p><p>She looked up to meet his eyes. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“No one can tell a young woman what is in her heart, try as they might. You choose for yourself who you are and what you want,” he said. </p><p>Katara brightened. She had now heard the same advice from multiple people now at this point, but from Iroh, it meant the most. </p><p>She looked out over the patio. She remembered the day that she made her feelings for Aang known with a kiss. But even then, how much of that was her own heart, and how much was it Aang’s heart in her? She loved him so much, and wanted his happiness so much, that she would be anything he needed her to be. She would be his mother, his sister, his friend, his girlfriend. Anything. It felt good to be wanted. She missed that feeling even now. </p><p>But to pursue something for herself, something she wanted all by herself... The thought was exciting. She thought back to that day in the tea shop. To Zuko pouring tea, peacefully smiling. Mai on his arm. If Mai hadn’t been on his arm that day, would Katara have wanted to be there herself? Would he have wanted that? She didn’t know and it exhilarated her. Maybe, for a moment, she realized exactly what she wanted to happen when she saw Zuko again. She wanted a chance at a romance all her own. She wanted him. She felt her face go hot and red. Zuko had made it known to her through a letter when he and Mai broke up. He mentioned it so casually in the letter, like an after thought. Katara was shocked at the news, but she couldn’t do anything about it. Now she could. </p><p>She let the thought permeate her. She wanted Zuko. Now that she had confirmed that she didn’t want Aang, and she didn’t <i>have to</i> want him, she could finally admit to herself the reason why her heart raced whenever she received a letter from Zuko. Why her face felt warm when they danced together at her father’s wedding. Why whenever she felt unsure of herself, she would call to mind an old conversation with him. His was the voice in her head telling her how strong she was. How kind and good she was. She didn’t need his validation, but it helped. It meant something. And it meant something precisely because he wasn’t head over heels in love with her. He wasn’t telling her whatever she wanted to hear. Her stomach felt twisted in knots. </p><p>“Something on your mind, Miss Katara?” Iroh asked finally, drawing her out of her thoughts at last. </p><p>Katara shook her head. “Nothing, really.” </p><p>“Hmm,” he said, taking another slow sip, as though he didn’t quite believe her, but knew better than to ask.</p><p>Suki came back then, arriving to a somewhat uncomfortable silence. “What did I miss?” Suki asked.</p><p>“Just a little banter,” said Iroh vaguely. Katara was happy not to rehash everything again. And she just wanted to be in her thoughts. </p><p>Then a bus boy stumbled to the table. “Iroh, sir, they need you in the back,” he said, keeping himself bent at a sharp angle. </p><p>“Thank you, Lee,” he said. The boy walked away. “Everybody is named Lee,” he whispered as he stood. “You’ll have to excuse me, ladies. Until next time. Goodbye Suki. Goodbye Katara.”</p><p>Katara stood and bowed. Suki simply waved. </p><p>The two girls made their way back to the port on the monorail. Katara was grateful as Suki filled the silence with a happy chatter about all the things she wished she would have purchased in the shops, how it’s never too early for wedding planning. Katara simply nodded along. They were only a few days out from the Fire Nation now. What would she do? What would she say? She came up with more questions than answers as their journey plugged along.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, I never expected the story to be this long, even though I had outlined it before I started writing. With that said I PROMISE that in the next chapter, Zuko and Katara will reunite! Cross my heart!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. reunion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After a long journey, Katara at last arrives to the Fire Nation and catches the eye of an old friend.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Katara awoke to Suki gently shaking her shoulder. Katara roused after a moment and rubbed her eyes. “What is it?” she asked groggily. She was usually an early riser, a habit formed from years of being responsible for others, and was not accustomed to being the one getting a wake up call.</p><p>“We’re almost there,” said Suki. “I figured you would want to, you know, get dressed before we pulled into port.” </p><p>Katara felt her usual vigor hit her like a bolt of lightning. She was up instantly, brushing her hair before her brain could catch up to her frenetic movement. </p><p>“Relax,” said Suki with a laugh. “We’re still a half hour away. You will have plenty of time to get presentable.”</p><p>Katara took a breath, but still felt electrified. She put oils in her hair to make it shiny and de-frizzed from her night of uneasy sleep at sea. After splashing water on her face to liven it up and knock the sleep away from her eyes, she chose her outfit. She selected one of her more traditional water tribe outfits, minus all of the bulky layers that were needed at the pole. This version of her outfit came to her elbows and was thin, with only her undergarments underneath. She opted to wear her lightest weight leggings beneath her tunic to cover her legs, but still show her shape. She stood to the side and looked in the mirror to appraise the way it hung from and clung to her curves in different areas. She ghosted her fingers over her mother’s necklace which adorned her thin and elegant neck. “Suki?” she said after a moment.</p><p>“Hm?” said Suki, pulling on her grieves. While Katara was wrapped up in getting ready to see Zuko again, she hadn’t noticed that Suki had already gotten into full Kyoshi Warrior regalia. </p><p>“Oh, it’s just, I was wondering if you could do my makeup again.” Katara felt her face go warm as she played with the hem of her sleeve, her arms folded defensively in front of her. </p><p>“Sure!” said Suki without missing a beat. She had her brushes in hand and flitted over to Katara effortlessly. With a few strokes of kohl liner for the eyes and rouge on her lips, Suki was finished and looked quite pleased. She spun her friend around to look back in the mirror and Katara smiled at the reflection. She didn’t look like the same girl who several weeks ago was lying miserably on a hammock, south bound, under the deck of a Southern Water trip ship. She looked totally new. “You like?” Suki asked.</p><p>Katara gave a nod. “Absolutely!”</p><p>“You want to borrow some perfume too?” Suki asked, already digging in her bag. “I have a scent that’s unique to the fire nation. It’s orange blossom and some local herb I don’t know the name of but it’s like the very essence of summer warmth and--”</p><p>“N-no,” Katara said, feeling her embarrassment creeping back up again. “I don’t need any perfume.”</p><p>Suki stopped her rustling and looked back at Katara. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to get all over-enthusiastic on you.” The look on her face showed her embarrassment too, even though Katara couldn’t see whether she was blushing under her white face paint. </p><p>Did Suki know that Katara was trying to look nice for Zuko? Did she know that she wanted him to see her and be impressed with how the months had been kind? Was that why she was offering perfume?  </p><p>Suki cleared her throat. “Do you need any help getting your stuff together?” she asked, probably just to change the topic.</p><p>Katara looked at her lion-walrus leather duffle bag. “Oh, um, I have all of my stuff together already. Should we carry it up to the deck?” She bent to pick it up when Suki stopped her.</p><p>“Attendants from the palace will come pick it up later,” Suki said. “Don’t worry about it.”</p><p>Katara felt herself become a little angry at the notion. “I’m perfectly capable of carrying my bag. Why should an attendant have to do that?”</p><p>Suki placed a hand on Katara’s shoulder. “It used to make me uncomfortable too, but Zuko explained something to me a while ago. He’s increased his palace staff almost double over the years he’s been Firelord. He realized that after the war, people whose livelihoods were tied up in stuff like weaponry and fighting suddenly didn’t have jobs anymore. So he gave as many people jobs in the palace as possible. The attendants are grateful to carry your bag, Katara, trust me.”</p><p>Katara still wasn’t satisfied. “Well, how does he pay them? With increased taxes on the rest of his people?” </p><p>“It’s complicated, Katara. You’ll see when we get there,” Suki said. </p><p>Katara and Suki walked to the deck and looked ahead at the port as it came into view, closer and closer until Katara couldn’t help herself and she waterbent the ship right to the dock. Suki laughed as the ship glided over the water. Katara pulled her wrist back and the ship came to a stop. </p><p>She watched impatiently as the captain lowered the bridge. Katara ran from the ship and onto the dock. “I never thought I’d be so grateful to be in the Fire Nation again,” she said. </p><p>Suki followed her toward town. “I know what you mean. This place feels like home now. There are so many things I love about it here.” </p><p>Katara felt energy winding up inside her. “I’ll race you to the palace!” she said, and like a child she began to sprint her way through the town. The port was outside of the capital, which was up the island and in the center of what appeared to be a crater. Katara remembered the path well from the day of the invasion all those years ago. The topography had been fascinating to her then, but she hadn’t the time to appreciate it. </p><p>“Wait up!” shouted Suki behind her. Within seconds, she was running alongside Katara. “You don’t have to run, we have a carriage that will take us!”</p><p>Katara laughed, then skidded to a stop. “Sorry, I just am not used to getting transportation provided,” she said as she panted. </p><p>“It’s fine,” said Suki. “It’s kind of fun to race.”</p><p>The two girls exchanged a smile as their carriage caught up to them. “Ladies?” the footman said, gesturing for them to take their seats. </p><p>Katara snickered as she got in. She watched through the window as they wove their way through town. She felt herself vibrating, her legs jumping and her fingers twitching, but she couldn’t stop. </p><p>“Excited?” Suki asked.</p><p>“I’ve never stayed in a palace,” Katara said. “And it’s been almost a year since I’ve seen Zuko.” She figured she would be at least halfway honest with Suki. </p><p>Suki raised an eyebrow almost imperceptibly and lowered it just as quickly. Katara noticed. She was giving everything away but she couldn’t help it. Suki was an excellent secret-keeper, a skill learned over the years as a warrior and as Zuko’s security detail, so Katara knew she could trust her. </p><p>They trundled along over the cobble streets. Katara almost didn’t notice how close they were getting to the palace. In Ba Sing Se, as you approached the king’s home, the neighborhoods became more and more opulent. But every home and street looked almost the same as they got closer. The houses got bigger, sure, but not any fancier. Katara was confused, thinking that surely there were fancier homes in the capital, but maybe her memories of the Fire Nation weren’t as clear as she thought they were. She had been a guest a few times, but she never spent more than a few days. Not since their incognito stay all those years ago in the final months of the war. A lot around the world had changed, so surely the Fire Nation evolved too. </p><p>Eventually, they came to the large gate that signified the entrance to the palace. The carriage came to a stop and a security guard began inspecting the vehicle. Katara felt a sense of dread suddenly at the sight of the uniformed employee of the royal family’s home. She had not announced her coming. Would she even let her in? </p><p>“Suki,” the security guard said.</p><p>“Yes, Jia?” Suki replied, apparently on a first name basis with the guard.</p><p>“Who is this water tribe girl?” Jia asked, pointing rather rudely to Katara, who had her eyes turned down in unease. </p><p>“A close personal friend of mine, and of the Firelord,” Suki replied. “Katara.”</p><p>“Oh, Katara, okay,” the guard said, and with that, the carriage continued through the large red gates and into the front gardens of the palace. Katara didn’t bother to think about the implications of the security guard seeming familiar with her name. </p><p>The driveway wound in a semi-circle to the grand entrance. At last, the carriage stopped rolling and the footman opened the door. “Welcome,” he said with a bow. </p><p>Katara bounded from the carriage and began scrambling up the stairs to the giant, ornate doors. </p><p>The doors flung open as two doormen greeted her. “Welcome, honored guest,” they said in unison. Were it not so creepy, Katara would have been impressed. She half-expected Zuko to be standing there, but she remembered that her visit was a surprise and he would have no reason to be waiting for them. Katara wondered if he had known, would he have waited? He had greeted them upon arrival during their last visit to the palace, but Katara had been accompanied by everyone that time. Would her arrival warrant that kind of pomp and circumstance?</p><p>Suki appeared behind her in the doorway. “Here, come this way.”</p><p>Suki took Katara’s hand and led her down the long and winding corridors. The palace seemed… empty. Bare. Katara thought she remembered every doorway being gilded and ornate tapestries lining every wall. A lot of it was missing, it seemed. The place was still the most beautiful building she had ever been inside of, and there were still gorgeous, traditional Fire Nation decorations around. But it seemed more austere, more streamlined, in a way. But Katara didn’t dare to say anything. </p><p>Suki took Katara up some stairs and down a hallway with a plush carpet under their feet. “This is the guest’s wing,” Suki explained. “Whenever he hosts foreign dignitaries, ambassadors, whatever, they stay here.”</p><p>“I remember,” Katara said. “I think we stayed for that summer festival.”</p><p>“That’s right,” said Suki. “It seems so long ago, doesn’t it?”</p><p>Katara hummed in agreement. </p><p>An attendant was waiting for them by a door. “I heard that the Fire Lord had a guest,” she said politely, gesturing toward the inside of the room. </p><p>“Word travels fast, huh?” Suki said. </p><p>“From the security guard at the gate to me before you even had the chance to get in the door,” she replied, jabbing Suki with an elbow.</p><p>Suki laughed like they were the oldest friends. Katara felt like there was a small circle that had formed and that she was just outside of it. She rocked on her heels. </p><p>“Your bags will be up in a moment,” said the girl. “For now, you may freshen up or whatever you would like. Lunch will be served in about an hour.”</p><p>“When can we see Zuko?” Katara blurted out rather stupidly. She felt her face get warm.</p><p>“Ah,” said the attendant. “Soon. He’ll probably join you for lunch. He’s in a meeting now and as such we haven’t informed him yet of your arrival.”</p><p>“I see,” said Katara, trying to sound collected and mature. “I think I’ll rest for a moment, then.”</p><p>“Very well,” said the attendant. “I’ll return in an hour to collect you for lunch. Are you going to come, Suki?”</p><p>Suki waved her hand. “Zuko and I can catch up later. I’m going to meet with the other Kyushu Warriors. Get updated on what I missed while I was gone. And show them this!” Suki pulled down her neckline to reveal the necklace that Sokka gave her. </p><p>The attendant squealed as the two walked off together down the hallway, leaving Katara to her bedroom alone. </p><p>Katara ducked into the doorway and surveyed her quarters. It reminded her of the home on Ember Island. There was a sort of subtle beach motif, but she supposed that the Fire Nation, being a bit more tropical that the South Pole, would seem beachy to her regardless. The bed was huge, of course, and as tall as an ostrich horse. Katara would have to get a running start to vault onto it. She smiled at the paintings on the wall, all depicting different areas of natural beauty in the Fire Nation. There was a vanity and a door in the back of the room. Katara opened it to find a washroom. It was perfect, but she didn’t need or want the rest she said she did. So she sneaked out of the room and down the hallway, opting to wander the palace instead.</p><p>It seemed like a labyrinth to her, with hallways so long she almost couldn’t see the end of them. She made a point to make a map in her head so that she would be able to find her way back to her room before the hour was up.</p><p>She crept down a back stairwell and found that it led into a supply closet of sorts. When she emerged from the closet, she was in something of a prep room, like a half-kitchen. From there, she was in a hallway, and next a ballroom. Then a conference room, then a dining hall, then another long hallway. And she just kept wandering. Each room intrigued her more than the last with that same austerity she noticed when she first entered the palace. She eventually found herself standing in a hall of portraits. She recognized them as past Fire Lords. She was somewhat surprised that Ozai was still displayed. And next to him was Zuko. She gazed up at his portrait.   He appeared to be the youngest on the wall. Each Fire Lord before had died at an old age, and the next took the throne as an adult. Zuko was maybe the first to take the throne in the way that he had, and as a teenager. </p><p>The portrait was simple. A head on painting, with his hair all pulled back into his top knot and the golden crown positioned in it. He was smiling though, unlike the other portraits. Katara felt her face go warm. </p><p>Suddenly, a door began to creak open behind her and a voice slipped out. “Of course, we still have a long way to go, but…”</p><p>Another, more familiar voice cut in. That same rough, yet gentle voice that Katara had long been waiting to hear. “Yes, I agree. Further discussion will resume next week on what we can do to…”</p><p>Katara turned around and met the golden eyes she longed to see locked onto her. </p><p>“Katara?” He almost sounded like he was whispering.</p><p>“Sir, you were saying?” The other man stared at Zuko, waiting for him to finish his previous thought, but he didn’t seem to be paying any attention. </p><p>Zuko half-jogged to her. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>Katara shook herself free of his gaze and took a second to really look at him. He looked much the same, still impossibly handsome, taller maybe, but his hair had been cut off. “What happened to your hair?” Katara said by way of greeting.</p><p>“Oh,” said Zuko, running his hand through the short shocks of hair. “I cut it. You know, like you said in your last letter. My royal hairdresser wasn’t too happy with me.”</p><p>Katara raised a hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh. He looked cute, sure, but it was a far cry from the regal hairstyle she had last seen him wear. She also felt a sort of girlish joy at knowing that he took her advice to heart. </p><p>“It looks that bad?” He said, his cheeks going pink.</p><p>“No, no,” Katara said, grabbing his hand from messing with it. “I like it. Look at your crown!” She gestured to his new headpiece with her free hand. The headpiece now wrapped around his head with decorative gold tassels hanging from it.</p><p>“Yeah,” Zuko said, not making eye contact. “When I chopped my hair off I wasn’t really thinking about how my headpiece wouldn’t work anymore. The royal metal workers came up with this as a temporary solution.” He gave a strained smile, finally looking back at her, then down at her hand which was still holding his.</p><p>She dropped it suddenly and cleared her throat. She realized she still hadn’t answered his question at the same time as he did. </p><p>“You still haven’t told me what you’re doing here,” he said. </p><p>Katara put a hand on her hip. “Just paying you a visit. You know, like you said in your last letter?” </p><p>Zuko cracked a small smile. “I’m glad you’re here. Come, let’s eat lunch.” The minister that Zuko had been meeting with finally walked away, clearly giving up on whatever conversation they had been having before.</p><p>“Oh no,” said Katara, raising a hand to her chest. “I was supposed to be escorted to lunch by one of your staff.” </p><p>Zuko waved his hand. “I assure you, I know the way.” </p><p>Katara felt her face go warm as he gestured for her to follow him. He led her straight to a smaller version of the dining hall she had seen earlier. There were two attendants there, seemingly just to open the doors, and a third to pull out her chair for her. </p><p>Suki strode into the room. “I see you found another escort to lunch,” she said airily, taking a seat across from Katara at the long table.</p><p>“Uh,” Katara said.</p><p>“It’s alright,” said Zuko quickly, giving Katara a sympathetic smile. “The attendant will be fine.”</p><p>Suki snorted. “I told her you would probably wander off anyway.” </p><p>Katara grumbled. “Am I that bad at following directions?”</p><p>Suki just laughed then stood up again. “Well, as I said, I’m going back to catch up with the other girls. I just wanted to make sure that you got here alright. Enjoy your meal.” With that, Suki was gone and it was just Zuko and Katara.</p><p>Katara coughed. “So, do you usually dine alone, you know, if you don’t have guests?”</p><p>Zuko shrugged. “I really don’t mind it.”</p><p>With that, Katara immediately knew that he did mind eating alone. She drummed her fingers along the table. </p><p>“So, you came alone?” Zuko asked.</p><p>“I came with Suki,” said Katara, with a sort of sarcastic lift teasing the edge of her words.</p><p>“Well, obviously,” Zuko conceded. </p><p>“Aren’t you curious as to why Aang didn’t join me?” Katara asked, ready to hash out another version of the same conversation she had had so many times already.</p><p>Zuko raised an eyebrow. “I hadn’t even given it a thought,” he said. “That’s bad of me.” He cast his eyes down.</p><p>“No, no,” said Katara, realizing suddenly that he thought she was guilting him for not asking about Aang. “I didn’t want to talk about it anyway, honestly.”</p><p>Zuko seemed to brighten, maybe understanding what was going on under the surface. </p><p>Before they could try to think of something else to talk about, a servant emerged from the kitchen with two plates of a leafy dish. It looked like something Aang would eat.</p><p>Katara picked up a pronged instrument and stabbed it into the vegetation. </p><p>Zuko meanwhile just picked at his plate.</p><p>“Are you not hungry?” Katara asked, feeling suddenly embarrassed at the way she had so quickly shoveled the food into her mouth.</p><p>Zuko shrugged. “I’ve not had much of an appetite lately.”</p><p>“How long?” Katara asked.</p><p>“Since I was banished,” he said, with a half smile. </p><p>“Zuko,” she said, half-scolding and half-sympathetic. “What’s troubling you?”</p><p>“It may be a better question to ask what isn’t,” he said. “I’ll start the list: you, the Kyushu Warriors. That’s it. End of list.” He dropped his fork with a clatter onto his plate.</p><p>An attendant rushed to take his plate and they brought him some kind of broth to replace the vegetables. They brought a bowl to Katara as well.</p><p>“The war is over,” Katara said. “I know it was rough there for a while, but isn’t it better now?” She finished her first course and started to drink her soup.</p><p>“Yes, it is,” Zuko said simply. “But it hasn’t made me a very popular Fire Lord, to do what I did to make it better.”</p><p>“Increasing taxes?” Katara guessed, lowering the bowl of broth from her lips. </p><p>Zuko cocked his head. “What? No. Not that.” </p><p>“Then how can you afford all this staff?” Katara asked rather bluntly. “Suki said you hired a lot of people who were kind of lost after the war.”</p><p>Zuko grimaced. “Well, yes.”</p><p>“So? How did you manage it?”</p><p>Zuko sighed as he shifted his soup bowl in front of him. “You know, when we were growing up, we were taught that the war was our way of sharing the Fire Nation’s prosperity with the world. When it was over, I felt the better way to share our success was through reparations.”</p><p>“Reparations?” Katara asked. She wasn’t really familiar with the term.</p><p>“We sent a lot of money and resources to the Earth Kingdom especially. Some to the North Pole, a little to the South Pole. Your dad would know about it, actually,” Zuko said. </p><p>Katara was still confused, but Zuko continued.</p><p>“My people were furious that I was sending money away while there were still so many people in the Fire Nation who were in need. So I started out by hiring a lot of staff, making up positions, whatever I could do. But even the Fire Nation’s resources aren’t infinite.” He grabbed his bowl and made his broth boil under the heat of his hands. “I reduced the salaries of all our government staff. All my advisors, governors, whoever was living in one of the mansions you see around the palace. That was not fun. They called me a hypocrite, until they came to the palace in person to complain.” Zuko smirked, blowing the steam away from his molten hot soup. “Then they saw all of the gold that I had removed, melted down and sold off. All the tapestries sent off to trade. Didn’t you notice how bare the palace has gotten?” Zuko asked.</p><p>“I had, but I wondered if that was just a matter of personal taste,” Katara said, with a playful smirk.</p><p>Zuko snorted a laugh from his nose. “I assure you, it was not.”</p><p>“So that was fairly recent, huh?” Katara said. “I mean, last time I was here, it was different.”</p><p>“It’s been a process,” Zuko said vaguely. </p><p>Katara sat back in her chair. “Wow,” she said. An attendant took her bowl and replaced it now with some meat dish that was coated in a rich, red spice. She took a bite in her mouth and felt the searing heat radiate from her tongue through her whole body. Before she could think about how foolish she would look, she opened her mouth and began fanning. </p><p>Zuko snickered. “I should have warned you. We like things spicy here.” Though his soup had remained mostly untouched, he now had the same dish in front of him, and Katara watched as he took a bite. </p><p>Katara finally swallowed. No, no, It’s not that bad,” she insisted stubbornly even as she felt the sweat begin to bead on her forehead. </p><p>Zuko just smiled as he continued eating.</p><p>“I think you should be proud,” said Katara. “You’re finding solutions. Helping your people who are in the most need.”</p><p>Zuko shrugged his shoulders again. “You would think doing the right thing would be easier.”</p><p>“It never is,” Katara remarked. </p><p>Zuko began picking up the food with his chopsticks a little faster. “In any case, things are looking up. In fact, I just met with the minister of the treasury and he said that some areas in the Earth Kingdom are declining our aid. Which means that they’re beginning to stabilize.”</p><p>“That’s great news!” Katara said. </p><p>Zuko actually cleared his plate more quickly than Katara did, which would have been more surprising if it weren’t for the insane spiciness of the dish.</p><p>Zuko sat back and waited for Katara to finish her course. “You know,” he said. “Things were really tough in the beginning, and even still are tough now, but the hardest thing wasn’t the economy.”</p><p>“What was it?” Katara said with a raspy voice, the spicy food threatening to conquer her will at any moment.</p><p>“It was being away from my friends,” he said. And then in a whisper Katara wasn’t sure she quite heard, he sighed, “from you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>YES. They finally are reunited, which means, for now, that the flashbacks are behind us. I hope you enjoyed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. fire lilies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After lunch, Zuko was whisked away into yet more meetings, which he apologized about profusely. Katara felt guilty. She just popped in, only sort of invited, and Zuko felt bad about not being a good host to her. She tried to assuage him, tell him that she was tired anyway, but he didn’t seem satisfied. But he didn’t have a choice. His council members were pulling him out the door, leaving Katara alone in the dining room.</p><p>She found her way back to her room and took something of a nap. Suki came by in the evening to hang out for a bit and eat dinner, then it was dark outside and Katara figured she may as well sleep.</p><p>The morning came with a knock on the door. “Madam?” the voice said from the other side.</p><p>Katara was already stirring. She had a brief moment of confusion, forgetting where she was. Then she remembered she was at Zuko’s, and a smile spread over her face. She leapt from her bed and answered the door. “Good morning,” Katara said. </p><p>It was the same girl who had greeted her there yesterday. “I didn’t get to introduce myself, I’m Aza. I’ll be making your stay as comfortable as possible.” She gave a bow. </p><p>Katara bowed back. “I’m Katara.”</p><p>“I know,” said Aza. “I came here to tell you that the Firelord would like your company for breakfast.” </p><p>“Oh,” said Katara, looking down at the clothes she had slept in. “Let me get ready.”</p><p>“Take your time,” Aza said. “I’ll be waiting outside the door for you.”</p><p>Katara practically slammed the door shut as she rushed over to her bag to see what clothes she brought. They all suddenly seemed terribly ordinary. Why hadn’t she thought to pack something prettier? She opted for a sleeveless tunic and quickly pulled her hair back into a loose, low bun with her signature hair loops framing her face. She wished she had Suki to help with the makeup, but then again, she figured she should hurry. So she splashed some water on her face in the wash room and was out the door.</p><p>“That was quick,” Aza said.</p><p>Katara felt a pit in her stomach forming. Why was she nervous? Did Aza mean that Katara had gotten ready too quickly? That she looked inappropriately underdressed to dine with the Firelord? She tried not to think about it as she followed along to that same small dining room they had shared lunch in the day before.</p><p>When the two attendants on door duty ushered her in, Zuko was already sitting there, waiting. His hair was slightly disheveled, and he still had a sleepy look in his eyes. His attire was simple. Just a plain, red robe with none of his usual regalia. He didn’t even have his headpiece on. Katara breathed a sigh of relief.</p><p>“G’morning, Katara,” Zuko said, standing to greet her.</p><p>“Hi,” Katara breathed, realizing suddenly the dreaminess of his groggy morning voice. When they had travelled together, Zuko never really slept, so she never had seen him soon after waking. He looked like he must have gotten some pretty decent rest in the night before.</p><p>An attendant pulled a chair out for Katara and she once again sat across from him. </p><p>“Thank you for joining me,” Zuko said, politely as a cup of tea was poured for each of them.</p><p>“Are you kidding?” said Katara. “I should be thanking you for taking the time to eat with me.”</p><p>“You’re my guest. Wouldn’t it be rude if I didn’t?” Zuko asked, the corner of his mouth turning up ever so slightly. </p><p>“No, it wouldn’t be rude at all, considering you're the Firelord and surely have much better things to do and much more important people to eat with,” Katara said somewhat sternly. Was Zuko only eating with her to be polite?</p><p>“I promise you, I don’t,” Zuko replied easily, taking a sip of his morning tea. His mouth turned downward again. “They make great tea here, but I suppose I have been spoiled by Uncle’s.”</p><p>Katara took a sip. It seemed good to her. She finished her tea quickly and had a refill before she set her cup back on the table. “I like it,” she said.</p><p>Zuko grinned. “What did you have in mind to do today?” he asked her as their breakfast dishes were set before them. Rice, fruit that Katara didn’t really recognize, and some streaky strips of meat. </p><p>“Hm,” said Katara, taking a bite of fruit. “I didn’t think about it. Maybe go into town?”</p><p>“I guess we can do that,” Zuko said, sounding rather disappointed.</p><p>Katara’s heart hammered in her chest. <i>We.</i> He had said “we.” She hadn’t realized that Zuko was planning to spend the day with her. “You’re coming with me?” Katara asked through the food in her mouth, too shocked to think better of it and swallow first.</p><p>“Unless you wanted to go alone,” said Zuko. “Which is fine, of course.” His voice sounded a little bitter.</p><p>“No! Of course you can come with me. Oh, but we don’t have to go into town,” Katara said quickly.</p><p>Zuko sat back and waited for Katara to give another suggestion. He delicately raised his chopsticks to his lips and ate while Katara considered. </p><p>The day before, Zuko seemed so discouraged by things in the Fire Nation. Katara thought of her time there when they had spent time incognito in the days leading up to the failed invasion. She thought of the little fishing village on the river. She remembered the factory they destroyed and her secret identity as the Painted Lady. She remembered the poor people there, and she wondered if they were any better off without their river being polluted. “I have an idea,” said Katara. </p><p>“What is it?” Zuko asked eagerly.</p><p>Katara told him the story of how she disguised herself as a spirit and helped the village, healing their sick and ultimately, cleaning their water source after demolishing the toxic factory. “I was curious how they have been doing after these years,” she said, lowering her eyes and pushing her rice around. She had a worry cross her mind: what if Zuko would be mad about her wrecking the factory? It might have been a crucial part of the Fire Nation’s economy, after all. </p><p>Zuko smirked. “So you want to return to the scene of your crime?” </p><p>Katara laughed uneasily, but as she studied his face, she didn’t see any judgment there. But just to be sure, she asked, “You aren’t mad that we did that to the factory, are you?”</p><p>Zuko chuckled under his breath. “I’ve told you before, Katara, if you think something is right, it must be.” </p><p>Katara felt a blush spread over her face. “I’m not perfect, you know. I make mistakes.”</p><p>Zuko shook his head. “I didn’t think it possible. But if you say so. Anyway, I knew about the factory getting destroyed. That was one of the first things brought to my attention when I became Firelord. They wanted to rebuild and they needed resources.” He took another sip of his tea and grimaced slightly.</p><p>“What did you do?” Katara asked, leaning over the table, waiting to hear what Zuko decided.</p><p>Zuko waved his hand. “I told them no. It was a weapons factory. And the war was over. What was the point? Besides, I knew it would pollute that river.”</p><p>“Really?” Katara asked, sitting back in her chair. She felt a wave of pride wash over her.</p><p>Zuko shrugged. “Part of me always wondered if it was you guys who did that.” He smiled. “I’d love to go see what the village looks like now.” </p><p>Katara smiled. “Thank you, Zuko.”</p><p>“Let’s leave soon,” he said, standing. “I’m going to go get ready. I’ll meet you at the front door in a few minutes.” He dashed from the room.</p><p>Katara nodded as she shoveled the last bits of food into her mouth, slowing down for the streaky meat which she found to be quite salty and delicious. </p><p>Aza took her to the front door of the palace to wait and in a few minutes, Zuko was there, wearing something very similar to what he wore back when he was travelling with them. Simple clothes, with nothing to indicate that he was royalty. He must have noticed Katara eyeing him. “I didn’t want to cause a ruckus in the village,” he said. “But a lot of people recognize me anyway. Stupid scar,” he mumbled.</p><p>Katara felt her fingers twitching to reach out and touch him, to caress his marred cheek. She didn’t think it was stupid. Instead, she opted to give him one of her small, sweet smiles. “Let’s get going, I guess?” she said as two attendants opened the front doors.</p><p>There was a carriage there waiting for them already. “Where to, my Lord?” the driver asked, bowing. It was the same guy who brought Suki and Katara to the palace the day before.</p><p>“We’re heading to Jang Hui,” said Zuko placidly. He strode to the carriage and opened the door for Katara before the driver even had the chance. </p><p>The driver seemed unsettled, having missed an opportunity to serve. But he recovered quickly. “Jang Hui, sir?” he asked, cocking his head, obviously not familiar with the name.</p><p>“You recall the old army factory on the river?” Zuko asked, extending a hand to Katara so she could climb into the carriage.</p><p>Katara took his hand, though she didn’t need the help. He hovered by the door, waiting for the driver to understand the location.</p><p>“But sir, that factory is gone, is it not?” the driver asked. </p><p>Zuko gave Katara an apologetic smile, then walked closer to the driver. Katara couldn’t quite hear what he was saying, but she could see from her seat in the carriage that he was clearly giving the driver directions, gesturing as if on a map, even though the map was only imaginary. Eventually, he seemed satisfied with their navigation and he slid into the cabin across from Katara.</p><p>Katara felt a little disappointed. She imagined sitting next to him, their thighs gently grazing each other’s, fingers nudging ever closer until their pinkies overlapped on the seat. She would just have to settle for looking at him. </p><p>“It’s almost a whole day’s journey,” said Zuko. “I hope you don’t mind.”</p><p>“Of course not,” said Katara firmly. She didn’t mind. It meant that she had the whole day with him.</p><p>“And when we get close, we’ll have to walk the rest of the way on foot. Then of course we’ll have to get a ferry to the actual village…” Zuko rambled.</p><p>Katara cocked an eyebrow. “Zuko, you have to remember, we aren’t all royalty. I’m used to walking.” </p><p>Zuko’s cheeks reddened slightly. “Right,” he said. “I guess I am getting spoiled.”</p><p>Katara just laughed. </p><p>As they trundled along the cobble roads out of the city, Katara saw a massive field of fire lilies come into view. She practically stood up in the carriage and leaned out the window. “Oh look!” she exclaimed.</p><p>“It’s hard to see through you,” Zuko deadpanned. </p><p>Katara turned around and gave a sheepish grin, sitting back down. “It’s a fire lily field,” she said. </p><p>Zuko glanced. “So it is,” he said dryly.</p><p>Katara felt sort of stupid. “I guess it’s nothing,” she said.</p><p>“Do you like them?” Zuko asked, sounding genuinely interested now. </p><p>Katara brightened a little, even if he was only being polite. “They’re probably my favorite flower. I love their scent especially.” </p><p>“I like them too,” Zuko said quietly. “I guess you get used to them living around here, but they are...nice.” Zuko didn’t seem quite comfortable talking about the flowers. Maybe he felt it overly girly or maybe it was something else. He had a faraway look in his eyes. Katara shrugged it off.</p><p>“I don’t know if I could ever get used to them,” Katara said. “I’m so accustomed to the snow, where nothing grows.”</p><p>“I hope you’ll get used to them,” Zuko said quickly, like he wasn’t thinking about what he was saying. Katara wasn’t quite sure she heard him right.</p><p>“Huh?” she said. What did he mean?</p><p>“Nothing,” he mumbled, looking down at his hands.</p><p>The hours passed in periods of comfortable silence followed by periods of discussion of the local topography. Zuko would always ensure he pointed out any flower fields, fire lilies or otherwise, and each time Katara was struck by their beauty. The flowers in the Fire Nation were the most beautiful in the world, Katara was certain. </p><p>Once, Zuko pointed out a lake, which was covered in a mossy film and little pink flowers. Katara craned her neck to see, but she couldn’t from her seat. </p><p>“Come here,” Zuko said, patting the seat beside him. </p><p>Katara shuffled to his side of the carriage. He leaned down by her shoulder, their faces seemingly only separated by the thinnest sliver of space. One could scarcely slide a sheet of parchment between them. Katara could feel the heat radiating off of him as his arm snaked its way around her shoulder. He pointed his finger in front of her face, guiding her eyes to the little body of water. </p><p>Katara followed the end of his finger to the lake. </p><p>“Do you see the little pink flowers?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. </p><p>Katara nodded, feeling warmth all over her. </p><p>Zuko withdrew his arm. “Keep looking, a frog-fly will jump up any second,” he said.</p><p>Katara had her eyes trained on the water, staring straight ahead, confident that if she were to hazard a look at Zuko, that she would just have to crash her lips onto him. </p><p>Sure enough, some creature emerged from the water in a dramatic arch and re-entered through the moss. Katara laughed a little. “How did you know that would happen?”</p><p>“I know my country,” said Zuko with a shrug. “Those frog-flies always live around those pink flowers. The pink flowers attract a type of bug they like to eat, I think.” </p><p>Katara wanted to stay close to his side and feel the searing heat emanate from his body, but she thought better of it and slid back to her side of the cabin.</p><p>The corners of his mouth seemed to sag a little as she adjusted her position, but perhaps she was just imagining things. </p><p>Conversation inevitably turned to sort of idle gossip. The discussion of Sokka and Suki’s engagement. And Zuko confided that he may take the wedding as an opportunity to dismiss the Kyoshi Warriors as his guards. Katara was shocked, but then he explained that he was finally feeling confident that his own people weren’t out to get him, and the Kyoshi Warriors seemed restless anyway, having gotten a taste of world travel during the war. </p><p>Though the journey was long, it seemed to pass in just a few moments. The driver stopped his ostrich horse at the edge of a cliff and came around to open the door. </p><p>Zuko exited first and once again extended his hand to Katara to help her out of the carriage. Katara wondered why he didn’t just let the driver do it. It was his job, after all. </p><p>“Apologies, my Lord, but this is where the road ends,” the driver explained.</p><p>Zuko nodded and gestured for Katara to lead the way up the rocky grade. </p><p>Katara felt herself wishing that Toph were there to straighten the path, but she was graceful, used to walking on slippery ice, so the climb wasn’t an issue. Behind her, Zuko practically skipped over the rocks, like an acrobat or something. Katara had seen him move like that in combat. It reminded her a little bit of the way an airbender would move, but she stuffed that thought down and focused ahead. </p><p>They crested the hill and came to a little flat landing at the top. At last, Katara could see the little river village situated in the valley and was hit with a wave of nostalgia.</p><p>“Wow,” said Zuko behind her. </p><p>“What is it?” she asked, looking back at him. The sun hit him now, even as it was beginning to fade in the late afternoon. The whole river valley was half bathed in a golden light and half cloaked in shadow, but on the crest of the hill, Zuko was glowing. Katara could practically see the fire dancing in his topaz eyes. She felt like saying “wow” too.</p><p>“I’ve never seen a floating village before,” Zuko said. “What a way to live.” The light from the sun refracted off the water, casting sparkling diamonds of light in his hair.</p><p>“Surrounded by water. I wouldn’t mind,” Katara said softly, feeling like the words were struggling to emerge from her throat. </p><p>Zuko’s lips tipped up slightly. “I suppose you wouldn’t,” he said, finally looking back at her. When his eyes met her, they expanded slightly as if in shock. He looked away quickly. “Well, let’s get going.” Katara wondered why the sudden shift in his tone. Suddenly so business-like.</p><p>Zuko led now as they eased down the steep grade into the river valley. He kept glancing back at her as they made their way down.</p><p>“What are you looking at?” Katara suddenly snapped, feeling uneasy with his constant looks, especially after he seemed to be repulsed by her just a moment ago, unable to look at her a second longer.</p><p>Zuko looked away. “Nothing. Just making sure you don’t trip. Didn’t realize it was a crime.” His voice was cold now.</p><p>Katara felt suddenly like she ruined the mood, but she didn’t feel like apologizing. They made it to the bottom in silence. </p><p>As they approached the little dock, Katara noticed that a bell had been installed on a post, probably to call the boat. Katara reached for it at the same time as Zuko and their hands collided by the bell. Even in just the small moment of contact, Katara noticed how rough his hands were, even though he was royalty. She withdrew her hand as quickly as she could. </p><p>“Sorry,” Zuko mumbled, gesturing for Katara to ring the bell.</p><p>Katara didn’t look at him as she shook it, causing an echoing chime to bounce around the river valley. </p><p>A little boat started to make its way across the river. Katara and Zuko simply watched as it approached. Katara noticed instantly that Doc was still working and regretted that she would have to endure his shenanigans again, and even more that Zuko probably wouldn’t tolerate it very well.</p><p>“Why hello there!” Doc shouted to them as he pulled his little boat around. “Were you two needing to hitch a ride to town?”</p><p>“Town?” Zuko mumbled under his breath, obviously not convinced that the floating village could be classes as such.</p><p>“Yes, please,” Katara said. “That would be wonderful.”</p><p>“Hey… I recognize you,” Doc said, eyeing both of them curiously as they stepped into his little ferry. </p><p>Katara could see Zuko tensing. </p><p>“You’re the Painted Lady!” said Doc. “Just wait until my brothers find out that you’re here!”</p><p>Katara put her head in her hands. </p><p>“What’s the matter?” Zuko asked in a whisper, his nose probably being tickled by her hair as he leaned in close. </p><p>“You’ll see,” Katara groaned. </p><p>Sure enough, as soon as they docked on the floating walkways, Doc ran off and returned as Shu, who also greeted Katara with enthusiasm. </p><p>“I still don’t get it,” Zuko murmured after Shu finished shaking their hands. “He’s a twin?”</p><p>As they passed the evening on the floating village, eventually Zuko came to understand that there was no twin, no triplet. But one man was playing the part of three brothers. To Katara’s surprise, rather than getting frustrated, Zuko just played along without complaint.</p><p>By the time they left the village, Katara felt lighter, even though the night sky had turned quite dark. Fireflies came out to play on the water and cast stars into the surface of the water. The torches that illuminated the little wooden streets also reflected in the water. Katara never did notice before how beautiful Jang Hui truly was. And maybe part of the reason is that last time she had visited, the homes and shops were run down in need of repair. Many people only had a roof over their heads, but not enough walls to really protect them from the wind and weather. But now, the village was more than repaired. Homes were painted in warm colors, and the stature of the Painted Lady erected in the middle of town was as beautiful and inspiring to Katara as ever. The children had grown, but even more children had been born to replace them. The place felt as alive and strong as the clear blue river on which it floated. </p><p>Furthermore, Zuko seemed positively fascinated. Though he was about as far from the palace as he could be while still in his nation, he seemed comfortable and at home. He spoke with village leaders about their infrastructure and trade and gave them praise for how well they had recovered post war. He played a ball game with children, running gracefully over the wooden plank paths which served as the playing field. He caught fish off the edges of town with the older men, enjoying the elder’s teasing banter as they reeled in fish after fish. Katara had <i>fun</i> with him. While Zuko didn’t exactly have the reputation for being the most playful and cheerful guy, he knew how to play, relax, and have fun. He just needed the chance. And Jang Hui had given more than enough opportunity to him, washing away any awkwardness they had before coming into the little town. </p><p>Just as everyone was saying their goodbyes to Katara, whom many in the village still called Painted Lady, Doc squinted at Zuko suspiciously.  “Hey, you’re the Fire Lord aren’t you?” he asked.</p><p>“Perhaps,” Zuko said, with a wink.</p><p>Doc just laughed and threw an arm around his shoulder. “You’re alright. Come on, let’s go.”</p><p>Doc paddled them across to the bank of the river so they could begin their trek back home. </p><p>When they were back on solid ground again, Zuko grabbed Katara’s arm.</p><p>She wheeled back to look at him. In the shadow of the night, the moon cast an ethereal pale glow on his face. She had seen him like this before and she felt her gut stirring. </p><p>“Thank you for that, Katara,” he said, sliding his hand down her arm until it was in her hand. He gave it one squeeze, then dropped it, gesturing for her to lead the way back up the hill. The driver would no doubt be waiting impatiently for them by the carriage.</p><p>“Y-yeah. Of course,” Katara mumbled, grateful for the darkness, hiding her apparent red cheeks. </p><p>The ride back to the palace was quiet. Katara found the sound of the wheels on the dirt road and the <i>clop clop clop</i> of the ostrich-horse’s feet to be rather soothing, and she noticed herself tiring. </p><p>“Come sit with me,” Zuko whispered after about an hour.</p><p>Katara did so without protest, settling in next to him, but sitting somewhat rigidly. Unsure what his intentions were. </p><p>“You can lean on me,” he said gently. He was looking out the window, but there was the tiniest smile on his lips. “It’s late, I know.”</p><p>Katara leaned her head against his shoulder, gently at first, feeling unsure. But then she melted into his side, taking a few deep breaths, and stayed contentedly like that until they arrived back at the palace well after midnight.</p><p>They parted ways to go to bed, though Katara wished that she could curl up next to him and sleep. Despite the tiredness in her eyes, Katara could still feel a warm buzz under her skin.</p><p>When she woke up in the morning, she had a vase of fresh fire lilies on her dresser.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. pai sho and perfume</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Katara's new perfume captures the attention of the Firelord</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Katara delicately traced the petals of her fire lilies, wondering how they got there. She of course had her guesses as to who sent them, but she didn’t want to get her hopes up yet. Her heart still fluttered at the thought, though. She got dressed in her own time, wondering why Aza hadn’t yet ushered her to breakfast. When Katara was satisfied with her attire, she made for the door, but stopped short when she noticed a note had been slipped under the crack.</p><p>
  <i>Katara,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I’m so sorry, but since I took the day off yesterday, I will be in meetings all day. There is much that you can do around the palace. Aza might show you the library or the sauna. Whatever you want to do. If you need a ride anywhere, she can arrange it. Please, think of this place as your home as long as you’re here.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Zuko</i>
</p><p>Katara felt a twinge of disappointment reading the note. Of course when she came here she never expected to have Zuko all to herself. That would be stupid. But after the night before, the peaceful ride back to the palace from Jang Hui, she couldn’t wait for another opportunity to be by his side. Literally. She folded the note and put it carefully in a dresser drawer, saving it for when she would be able to add it to her whole collection of his letters, which she left at her father’s home under a floorboard in her bedroom. She wished for a moment that she had the collection now. It was always a good way to pass the time, reading over his carefully scribed words. </p><p>She had mentioned going into town the day before and decided that it would be a good idea. When she opened the door to the hallway, Aza was standing there watchfully. </p><p>“Ah, good morning, Katara!” she said warmly. </p><p>“How long have you been standing there?” Katara asked flatly. It was a little creepy to know that people were always watching for her next move.</p><p>Aza waved her hand. “Don’t worry about it. What can I do for you?”</p><p>Katara cocked an eyebrow. “I was planning to go into town.”</p><p>“Do you need an escort?” Aza asked kindly.</p><p>“I can manage, thank you,” Katara replied, beginning her walk to the front door. </p><p>“Do you want breakfast first?” Aza asked, walking to keep up with Katara’s determined pace.</p><p>“I can grab something in town,” said Katara.</p><p>Aza’s eyebrows furrowed. “The cooks in the palace make the best food in the Fire Nation,” she said, sounding a little confused.</p><p>Katara sighed. “I guess I can be the judge of that, can’t I?” She wasn’t angry by any means, but at the same time she really didn’t enjoy being told what to do. If Zuko had to live like this, being directed in everything he did, Katara didn’t know how he could possibly stand it. </p><p>“Okay,” said Aza, finally giving up. “Have a wonderful visit to town. We’ll be here when you get back.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Katara said, lightening up. </p><p>The doormen at the entrance to the palace let her out and the gate attendant nodded to her as she passed through on to the streets. She didn’t really know what she was looking for, but she had a little bit of money in her pocket and figured she could afford a little fun. Everything was taken care of at the palace. She always had to scrimp and save, but now she didn’t have to think about her next meal if she didn’t want to. Everything in life is a tradeoff. Maybe it wasn’t so bad to have people looking out for you. </p><p>Katara strolled the streets, winding further and further from the palace and into a more middle-class type of area. Street vendors were already set up for the day, with much of their product being picked over. Katara had gotten a somewhat late start after the long road trip the day before. </p><p>There were so many smells. Street food like smoked meats, roasted corn, noodles, and, of course, fire flakes filled the air with a delicious aroma. She would have her pick of breakfast. She stopped at a stall selling what appeared to be hard-boiled eggs. But when she looked closer, she could see that they were in fact pickled baby birds that never got the chance to hatch. They never served arctic hen eggs that way. Katara turned up her nose and went on to the next stall. </p><p>She settled for a skewer stacked with meat, veggies and fruit which was incredibly satisfying and fairly balanced for nutrition. Aza was right in saying that it wasn’t as good as the food served in the palace, but it was still delicious. </p><p>Katara strolled the streets and noticed that she stood out amongst the crowd. She was drawing looks from all the locals as she wore her traditional blue water tribe clothes. But instead of jeering, like Katara might have expected, the people staring were either smiling or making no face at all. Katara found herself smiling back. Maybe they were happy to see someone from another nation walking around so carefree--a symbol that the war was really over and peace was really at hand. Or maybe they were just trying to convince themselves that they were okay with seeing her there. Either way, Katara felt the simultaneous awareness of how different she was to everyone there, but how her presence in the Fire Nation might be a good thing. A positive sign to the world. </p><p>As she mused about the state of the world and her place in it, another smell caught her nose. It wasn’t food, though. It was a sweet, floral, feminine fragrance. She followed the scent to a little cart full of tiny glass bottles. Katara picked them up, one by one, and sniffed them carefully. The scents swirled in her nostrils until they merged into one. She set the glass bottles down with a frown. She couldn’t tell what the best smell was. </p><p>“Oh, hey there,” the shopkeeper woman said, turning around from a stock box behind the counter. She had her hair wrapped up in a red silk scarf. She looked to be about ten or so years older than Katara, but by all means a young woman.</p><p>“Hello,” Katara said politely.</p><p>“Did you find a fragrance you like?” she asked.</p><p>Katara wrung her hands together. “I’m honestly a little overwhelmed,” she replied. </p><p>The shopkeeper took a shallow cup full of some kind of herb and waved it under Katara’s nose. “Better?” she asked.</p><p>Katara inhaled and felt like her nasal passages had cleared. “Wow! Yeah! That’s amazing.” </p><p>The shopkeeper smiled generously. “It’s a very old trick for us fragrance salespeople. Can I help you pick something?”</p><p>Katara thought of Suki’s offer to let her wear perfume and figured that a Fire Nation fragrance would be a good souvenir, or at least a way to honor her host country. “Do you have anything uniquely fire nation? Maybe something with fire lilies?” She felt her face getting warm, imagining the vase in her room. </p><p>“I have just the thing,” she said, reaching below the stall. “Try it.” She took Katara by the hand and tipped the vial over her wrist. A trace of oil began soaking into her skin and Katara rubbed her wrists together to disperse the scent. She held her wrist to her nose and breathed in. She definitely picked up on the fire lily, but there was something else herbal about it. It almost smelled like a lemon tea. </p><p>“That’s amazing,” Katara said, exhaling with pleasure. </p><p>“Thank you. I make these scents myself,” the shopkeeper said. “Would you like it?”</p><p>Katara exchanged her coins for the fragrance and pocketed the little glass bottle after dabbing some on her neck and behind her ears. </p><p>She spent another hour or so walking the streets of town, looking into clothing shops, stopping to admire the work of the local craftspeople, and enjoying a few street performances. After she felt sufficiently immersed in the culture of the town, she made her way back to the palace. </p><p>When she was welcomed back through the gates and the front door, Aza was standing there, ostensibly waiting for just this moment. </p><p>Katara startled when she saw her. “Ah! Aza, what are you doing?” Katara asked stupidly as she collected herself. </p><p>“I’ll take your perfume to your room for you,” she said, without really answering or greeting Katara and snatching the glass bottle from her hand. “The Firelord would like to see you in his study. He has a break between meetings and I told him I would send you his way as soon as you got back.” Aza was practically pushing Katara down the corridor at this point.</p><p>“Oh!” said Katara. “He wanted to see me?” She felt her skin prickle with excitement.</p><p>“Yes,” Aza said flatly, finally coming to a stop in front of an unassuming door. She gave it two soft knocks before creaking it open slightly. “My lord?”</p><p>“Yes?” a velvety voice replied from the other side.</p><p>“Miss Katara is here,” Aza replied cautiously.</p><p>“Okay,” Zuko said with a slight hitch in his voice.</p><p>Katara slid through the door shyly and felt herself pushing her hair back subconsciously. “You wanted to see me?” she asked, finally looking up to see Zuko sitting in front of a wall lined with shelves stacked with books and overflowing with scrolls. Some looked quite old, others newer. And he was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of a rather large Pai Sho table. </p><p>“Do you know how to play,” he asked, gesturing to the board.</p><p>“Only a little bit,” Katara said. “Aa-Aang taught me to play when we were staying at the Western Air Temple. Of course we weren’t there that long before…” Katara stopped talking. The memory wasn’t painful, per se, but it did bring out a certain amount of regret in her. Their stay at the Western Air Temple was cut short when Azula discovered them there and partially destroyed it. She regretted that she had been so rude to Zuko that day, when he made such an effort to save her and to get them all out of there safely. Of course, she wasn’t exactly sure how to bring up the subject of Azula, who had, since the war, been in and out of Zuko’s life. Sometimes as an ally, sometimes as an enemy, but always an agent of chaos and disorder. </p><p>Zuko cringed, realizing the day that Katara was remembering. But he recovered. “So, you didn’t have Pai Sho in the Southern Tribe?”</p><p>Katara finally eased onto a cushion across from Zuko. “No, we had other games though.”</p><p>“Like what?” asked Zuko, pulling out his tiles and passing a leather sack to Katara to do the same.</p><p>“We had a game that we played with sea snail shells in the snow. We jumped them over each other, removing the one that had been jumped. Whoever had the least amount of shells left at the end won,” Katara said. “It was kind of bad game, though, because once you learn how to do it and only leave one, then there’s no challenge. Sokka and I played so much that we had to reinvent the rules several times.” Katara fished around in the bag, pulling out tiles of different symbols, trying to remember the gambits associated with each. Aang had been an excellent Pai Sho player a hundred years ago and was not very good at simplifying the rules for Katara’s benefit. “This game I’m not so good at,” Katara admitted, selecting her last game piece.</p><p>Zuko chuckled. “S’okay. I’m bad too. My Uncle loves this game. He plays it every day, he says.” Zuko heaved a sigh and a frown appeared on his face for a brief second. The expression was quickly replaced with what appeared to be a forced smile. Katara didn’t know what to make of it. “He taught me, but I’m not really patient enough for it.” </p><p>Katara raised an eyebrow. “You? Impatient? Hard to believe,” she lied with a laugh. </p><p>Zuko groaned playfully. “Please be nice to the Firelord,” he asked. </p><p>Katara laughed a little more as they began playing, laying their tiles out in feigned strategy. Katara placed a tile almost at random, unsure of if it violated any rules, but quickly discovered her hunch was correct when Zuko tilted his head to the side and moved his hand to hers, which was still hovering over the piece. He slid her hand to a correct placement of the tile and gave her a smirk wordlessly. “Great move,” he teased, as if she had done it by herself.</p><p>Katara blushed, a little embarrassed by her ignorance of the game’s more intricate plays but she didn’t mind her bad move if it made him touch her. “Thanks,” she said. “I guess your Uncle taught you well.”</p><p>Zuko sighed again at the mention of his Uncle.</p><p>“Is something wrong?” asked Katara, watching as Zuko placed his White Lotus tile toward the center of the board. </p><p>“I miss my Uncle,” Zuko said, his voice seeming tight. “I had him by my side since I was just a kid, throughout my whole banishment. He taught me everything. And then he left me to do this job all by myself.” Zuko grimaced, his face somewhere between sad and angry.</p><p>“He must have had a lot of faith in you,” Katara said generously, laying another tile on the board. She decided in that moment to hold back from speaking ill of Iroh. It never occurred to her before this moment how his residence in Ba Sing Se, running the tea shop, might have felt like abandonment to Zuko. </p><p>“Too much faith,” Zuko said, his frown deepening. “I still feel like I need his guidance. I write to him nearly every day. His letters never come back soon enough.” </p><p>Katara was again struck with Zuko’s loneliness. His Uncle was gone, and while his mother had come back to the Fire Nation, she didn’t seem to be living in the palace.</p><p>“Where is your mother?” Katara asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. Where was Zuko’s family?</p><p>Zuko’s frown stayed plastered on his face as he surveyed the board. “She didn’t feel comfortable staying in the palace. Too many bad memories,” he said flatly. Like he had gone numb. “She and Ikem and Kiyi live in a home nearby. Kiyi spends the night here sometimes.” His expression softened as he mentioned his half-sister’s name.</p><p>Katara felt herself wanting to crawl across the Pai Sho table, rip open her chest, and show Zuko that her heart had been broken in the same exact ways. Her feelings of abandonment never faded, even after the war and being reunited with her father. She continued to fear Aang running off. Continued to ache for her brother who had gone home. Always worried that she wouldn’t be able to keep everyone together and Zuko seemed to be living the same reality here. But Katara restrained herself. “That sounds like it would be difficult for her and for you,” she said lamely.</p><p>“Hm,” said Zuko, obviously not impressed with Katara’s answer either.</p><p>The game ended in a stalemate, which didn’t seem to bother either player. “That was… fun,” said Zuko, picking his pieces back up and placing them into his little leather pouch. “Unfortunately, that’s the end of my break. Onto another meeting.” He stood and rounded the table to Katara’s side. He held a hand out to her and she took it as he helped her to her feet. The second time in this brief encounter that he voluntarily touched her hand. </p><p>“Th-thanks for playing with me,” Katara said. “It seems like we both needed the practice.”</p><p>“I would play with you all day if I could. I have to say, the meetings get boring after a while.” Zuko grunted with distaste, to punctuate his statement. He quickly transitioned from an eye roll to a smile, the unpleasantness of their previous conversation melting away. “I’ll try to catch up to you later, if you aren’t busy.”</p><p>Katara was practically dazzled by his smile. He never used to smile this much, and it was probably for the best that he didn’t. He would have been too distracting. “I don’t have any plans,” Katara said after a moment. </p><p>“Okay, well. See ya,” he said. And as he began to pass her to open the door, he stopped dead, then looked back at her. He took a step toward her, reached his hand up and gently pushed her hair back from her neck. His fingertips barely grazed her collar bone and she felt a tremor run down her spine. What was he doing? He leaned forward toward her face. Katara instinctively closed her eyes, almost as if expecting a kiss. Instead, he sniffed her neck, and she realized he was smelling her new perfume. “This reminds me of my favorite tea,” he said, his breath hitting her skin and making her feel dizzy. He leaned away at last, affording Katara an opportunity to regain her composure. “Did you get that in town today?” he asked.</p><p>“Yes, I did,” Katara said, and before she could stop herself, she asked, “Do you like it?” She started to play with her hair absent-mindedly.</p><p>“I do,” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Anyway, I’ll see you later.”</p><p>“Later,” Katara murmured as he left the room.</p><p>Katara spent the evening in the library, reading an old traditional Fire Nation myth that kept her attention for hours. Eventually, Aza interrupted with the bad news that Zuko wouldn’t be able to join her for dinner as his meetings would all the way through the night. </p><p>Katara was disappointed, but she was partially relieved. After their last interaction, she was sure that she wouldn’t be able to restrain herself if she saw him again that night. </p><p>Aza led Katara out of the library after hesitantly permitting her to take the book with her. “Your bedroom has been relocated,” Aza said as she took Katara down another corridor, one she hadn’t been down before. </p><p>“It has?” Katara asked, her voice betraying her confusion. She was staying in a wing designated for ambassadors and visitors. Were there others coming in that needed the space more than she did?</p><p>“Yes. Between meetings, the Firelord asked the house staff to have your room moved,” she said, her voice getting higher as she spoke. Katara noted a goofy grin on Aza’s face. “We moved your items to a room in the family wing per his request.”</p><p>“The family wing?” Katara asked in the exact same tone she had spoken with before, her befuddlement still evident.</p><p>“Yes,” said Aza. “He said he would like you to stay in a nicer room.” And in a lower voice she added, “Closer to his.”</p><p>Katara knew in some part of her what this had to mean, that it meant something, but another, larger part of her suspected it must be for some other better reason. But she tucked these thoughts away as Aza showed her to her new quarters.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I just wanted to say a thank you to the faithful readers who have been commenting on each chapter. It really makes my day to see that people are enjoying this story! I'm so glad to see that the Zutara love is still so strong in the ATLA community after all these years. I think this chapter is a little shorter than a few of the previous ones, but I really enjoyed writing it. Hope you liked it too.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. turtleducks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Katara finally meets the Firelord's turtleducks.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Katara awoke to a gentle knock on her bedroom door. When her eyes fluttered open, she took in her surroundings, as if seeing them for the first time. She had been moved to a bedroom in the family wing the day before, and if she thought her original accommodations were luxurious, they were nothing compared to this. This room seemed to be one of the few left in the palace untouched by austerity and unstripped of its opulence. The gilding was still present on each door frame, the bed sheets were like silk and were woven of a fine gold thread, and the walls were adorned with beautiful tapestries and original paintings depicting the flora and fauna of the Fire Nation. Katara had a stock of robes in a large wardrobe that she could use at her discretion as well as a variety of slippers that she could wear around the suite. She practically had a spa for a bathroom. The window had burgundy dressings with tassels, and the view was immaculate. It looked over the city, all the way to the bay in the distance and in the foreground, she could see a garden within the palace walls. Katara stretched and yawned and ran the hem of her golden silk sheets between her fingers. Then she was disrupted by the gentle knocking again.</p><p>She pulled on a robe and slipped on the house shoes and opened the door, expecting Aza. But instead the Firelord was there.</p><p>“G’morning, Katara,” he said, his voice low and gravelly, as if he had just woken up. “I wanted to see how you slept last night.” He ran his fingers through his short black hair and rolled his shoulders to get the kinks out.</p><p>Katara struggled to find words and felt embarrassed that he was seeing her like this. He had, of course, seen her in the morning before, back when they travelled together. But in those days, everyone was roughing it. Here, in this palatial environment, it seemed wrong to look disheveled and unkempt. She felt stupid for her shyness. Zuko was standing there in his sleepwear too. He was apparently comfortable with Katara seeing him that way. Finally, Katara gathered herself and said with confidence, “I’ve never slept better in my life.” It was true, actually. Katara felt rested and at peace. </p><p>“I’m glad,” Zuko said. “I thought you might like it down here better.” </p><p>“Is that why you asked my room to be moved?” Katara asked, suddenly feeling rather bold. </p><p>Katara could swear that she saw a slight blush forming on his cheeks. “I had you moved for many reasons,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. “For one thing, the housekeepers already have to take care of my room every day, why should they have to go halfway across the palace to clean your room? No one else is staying up there.” He seemed defensive, but not like he was upset.</p><p>Katara smirked. “Well, anyway, I appreciate it. By the way, were you the one who had the fire lilies sent to my room?” She gestured to the vase on the vanity which had been relocated from her previous bedroom. </p><p>Zuko’s lips were pressed into a flat line. “I thought you would like them,” he said after a moment, his voice even and low.</p><p>“Well, I do like them. Thank you,” Katara replied, and before she could stop herself, she reached to squeeze his arm.</p><p>Zuko’s face was certainly redder now. He faced away from her and looked down the hallway. “Well, I wanted to ask you something else,” he said after a moment.</p><p>Katara walked backward into her bedroom and sat on the edge of her plush bed. She patted the spot beside her. </p><p>Though he obliged and walked to the bed, his face seemed pained. He cleared his throat. “Would you like to come see the turtleducks?” he asked. His hands were folded in his lap and he sat rather rigidly. </p><p>Katara slid a little closer to him. She wanted him to feel comfortable, like the other night in the carriage when she had fit into his side so easily and rested her head on his shoulder. She could feel the searing heat radiating from Zuko’s body as they sat on the bed and she wanted it to engulf her. “I would love to see them,” Katara said. “I’ve been wondering when I would be introduced.” </p><p>Zuko smirked, still not quite looking at her. “I have to work up the nerve. I told you I haven’t spent as much time with them lately and I’m afraid they won’t behave for you because of it.” </p><p>Katara put her hand over his in his lap. She couldn’t stop touching him. “I’m sure they’ll play nice,” she said. </p><p>Zuko stood up. “Okay,” he said. “I’m going to get dressed. You should do the same.” He finally cast a look back at her. “Though you look nice in that robe.”</p><p>He left before Katara could say anything, but it was probably for the best. She was sure that her face was bright red. </p><p>The robe was a quilted scarlet material, so she decided to wear something that she had worn in the Fire Nation before to keep in the theme. She put on her red top and skirt and laced up her sandals. She hadn’t worn this outfit in years, but as she appraised herself in the mirror, she felt rather pleased with how she looked. The blue of her eyes contrasted with the warm tones of her outfit. They almost seemed to glow. And though it was not summer, the Fire Nation was so warm year round that she wasn’t bothered by her exposed midriff. She left her hair down mostly, but still pinned up the two strands that framed either side of her face. She almost left her room to reconvene with Zuko, but quickly remembered and puffed two sprays of her new perfume on her neck before heading out the door.</p><p>Zuko was waiting already at the end of the corridor. He was in a sort of version of his normal Firelord regalia, though it was a little more relaxed and casual looking, somehow. Katara approached and he smiled. “Do I recognize that outfit?” he asked, looking her up and down. Was he making fun of her?</p><p>Katara rubbed her arm self-consciously. “I used to wear this back when we were hiding out in the Fire Nation. On Ember Island too.”</p><p>“Ah. Back in the good old days,” he said. He waved her to follow him. “I hope you don’t mind being up so early. I wanted us to be able to spend some time in the gardens before everyone was on high alert.” He waved his hands dramatically and it reminded her of Sokka for a moment. It was funny to her that the group’s mannerisms had worn off on each other over the years.  </p><p>It made Katara giggle. “High alert?” she asked through her small laughs.</p><p>“Well, before everyone wakes up and starts paying too much attention to what I’m doing,” he said. “I suppose that’s a more accurate way to put it.” He strode through the foyer entry way of the palace, then toward the “backyard.” He pushed through a door to a sunroom with plenty of potted plants and orchids.</p><p>“Whoa,” Katara marvelled, taking in all the unique species of flower and tree present in the room. </p><p>“I should have showed you this room already,” Zuko said. “Considering how much you like the Fire Nation’s botanical diversity.” He smirked as Katara leaned to smell a particularly delicious looking flower. </p><p>“Oh, it’s wonderful,” Katara said as she sniffed another plant with little fruits growing on it. “In all my life I’ve never seen something so beautiful!” </p><p>“Me neither,” he said, but the way he said it made Katara’s breath catch in her throat. When she turned to look at him, his eyes were twinkling as the morning light began to peek and filter through the screens enclosing the indoor garden. The way he was looking at her made her feel naked or something. She quickly turned back around to act like she was interested in the plants again. “Come on,” he said after a moment of letting Katara peruse the plants. “You can come back here whenever you want. Let’s go see my turtleducks.”</p><p>Katara nodded and followed Zuko out the back door into a garden. She felt like her breath was being knocked out of her. “Why did we never see this place before?” she asked, running out into the lush green grass. She spun around, taking in the gentle trickling waterfall that emptied into a glasslike pond and the beautiful pink-flowering trees and the vines growing up the side of the palace. “This is like heaven.”</p><p>Zuko walked to join her. “You think so?” he asked, looking around rather bemusedly. “I suppose it is nice. Do you know what it reminds me of sometimes?”</p><p>“Hm?” asked Katara as she began flitting around the garden to admire every rock, blade of grass, and flower. </p><p>“It reminds me of the spirit oasis in the North Pole,” he said, taking a seat by the pond. </p><p>Katara at last joined him and sat by his side. “Yes, that place was beautiful too,” she said. As she settled into the plush grass, she heard Zuko take a deep breath. </p><p>He pulled a small head of cabbage from his cloak, from some concealed pocket, and began breaking it into smaller pieces while making some little quacking noise with his cheek.</p><p>Katara was startled by the sound at first, but then it made her want to laugh. She had never heard Zuko make an animal noise like this before and it was cute. She held her hand to her mouth to conceal her face-engulfing grin. Zuko wouldn’t have noticed anyway, his eyes were trained on the most adorable animal that Katara had ever seen, emerging from a hidden den behind a rock. Then she saw that this adorable creature was being followed by several tiny copies of it. Her heart was swelling with the cuteness. “Aww!” she finally cooed, unable to contain herself.</p><p>“Cute, huh?” Zuko said softly. </p><p>Katara nodded as they swam to the edge of the pond. They had sweet, fuzzy yellow faces. Even the mother turtleduck looked to have soft, down-like feathers. Their little black eyes sparkled in the early morning light. Their shells had beautiful, natural hexagonal patterns. The look of the little creatures was staggering. This cute façade was quickly disturbed, however, when the mother snapped her bill over Zuko’s foot and bit down.</p><p>Zuko sucked in air, seeming to be hurt, but the mother quickly released, and now started quacking demandingly.</p><p>“Okay, okay!” Zuko said, “Here!” He fed her a piece of cabbage while her babies waited behind her timidly. </p><p>The mother quacked contentedly, and swished away, letting her babies take it in turns to be fed by the Firelord. Zuko tenderly held the cabbage out to them each, and they shyly took it, then swam away to hide again. But once they had all been fed, they got braver and started to come back for seconds.</p><p>“Do you want to try?” Zuko asked, holding the remainder of the head of cabbage out to Katara. </p><p>Katara accepted the vegetable, feeling timid like the baby turtleducks. “You don’t think she’ll bite me? Like she bit you?”</p><p>Zuko waved a hand. “She only did that because she was mad at me. You should be fine. Don’t be a baby about it.” </p><p>Katara stuck out her jaw stubbornly, not appreciating the teasing. She held out a piece of cabbage to the mother, and she took it easily. Then one by one, Katara fed the babies. She could feel at times the gentle nibbles on her finger tips. “Oh my goodness,” Katara muttered to herself, amazed by their sweetness. </p><p>“So you like them?” Zuko asked, now with his knees folded up to his chest. </p><p>“I love them,” Katara said as she stroked a baby on it’s fluffy cheek. It nuzzled into her hand for a moment before swimming away.</p><p>“It looks like they like you too,” Zuko said. “I’m not surprised. Everyone likes you.” </p><p>Katara looked to Zuko now and saw that he was watching her intently with a tiny smile on his face. “Not everyone likes me,” she said softly to herself. </p><p>“Like who?” Zuko asked playfully. </p><p>“Um,” Katara said, struggling to think of anyone aside from his sister, Azula, who probably didn’t like anyone. </p><p>“See, you can’t think of anyone!” Zuko said. “I’ve got lists and lists of people who don’t like me. I have people on staff to keep death threats against me from being acted on.” His voice was somewhere between joking and serious, like he wanted to keep the conversation light, but he wasn’t lying.</p><p>Katara decided to keep it light too. “I know! Someone who doesn’t like me, um... Those pirates I stole that waterbending scroll from.”</p><p>Zuko blew air from his lips, clearly unimpressed by the answer. “They don’t like you because they’re bad guys, it’s nothing personal.” </p><p>Katara laughed, remembering that in those days, Zuko didn’t like her either. “Did they like you?” she asked.</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Zuko asked, sitting up straighter now. </p><p>She rolled her shoulders. “Nothing, nothing, it’s just… If they’re bad guys, they don’t like good guys. But back in those days, you were kind of a bad guy.” She looked into Zuko’s face to see his lips pressed into that familiar grimace. “Or maybe a good guy who didn’t know it yet,” she added, trying not to bum Zuko out. Katara peeled away some of the last bits of cabbage into smaller and smaller pieces, to make sure all the babies got their fair share.</p><p>Zuko’s face shifted. It looked like he was thinking now. “They didn’t like me. They tried to kill me a few weeks after that, actually,” he said matter-of-factly. </p><p>Katara dropped the last bits of cabbage into the pond in shock. She had never heard this story. The turtleduck babies didn’t care for fairness as they all struggled to get as much as they could. “Are you serious?” Katara asked, looking into Zuko’s seemingly indifferent eyes.</p><p>“Remember the Invasion of the North? I had those scars all over my face. I mean, extra ones aside from this one--” he pointed to the left side of his face with a smirk. </p><p>Katara thought back. It was many years ago. It seemed like a lifetime now. At the time she hadn’t been thinking too much about Zuko’s face. She was just thinking about fighting and winning. But her memory cleared and she had the image of his younger face in her mind. “Yeah, you were extra banged up that night.”</p><p>“That was from them trying to blow my ship up,” Zuko said, his voice still totally even. “Zhao thought I was dead. Well, he’s the one who sent the pirates, I think. But they probably wanted to do it on their own anyway.” Zuko shrugged, unbothered. </p><p>It occurred to Katara how for Zuko, attempts on his life were nothing new. It made her wonder how his father raised him. How any mistake must have been met with violence. She felt herself choking up, but she didn’t want Zuko to think she was pitying him, so she focused on the turtleducks again. They had nearly exhausted themselves looking for any scrap of food that might have been left floating in the water.</p><p>A moment of silence passed, with the only sounds being the gentle splashing of the baby turtleducks in the water. Eventually, they all started swimming away again, back into their hidden nest.</p><p>Zuko started to stand now, apparently done with the garden. “It’s about time for me to get back to work,” he said. Then as he took a step, he inhaled sharply again, as he had when he got bit.</p><p>“Something wrong?” Katara asked, standing with him and reaching her hands out as if to catch him.</p><p>“My foot’s just a little tender from the bite, it’s fine,” he said, straightening up and continuing to walk back toward the screen door into the garden room with a limp.</p><p>“Stop, Zuko,” Katara said, taking his arm and leading him to a stone bench by the pond. She forced him to sit as he rolled his eyes. “You forget I’m a healer,” she said as she tore his boot from his foot. “It doesn’t matter how brave you are, I can make it better and it will only take a second.” From her spot on the bench, she pulled a little water from the pond in a floating stream until it coated her hand. She ran her cool fingers over his foot and watched as the redness faded. </p><p>When she looked back at his face, he was staring at her. </p><p>“What?” she asked, still pooling the energy in the water at her will, her focus only wavering slightly under the intensity of his gaze.</p><p>Zuko’s eyebrows furrowed more deeply. “I didn’t forget that you’re a healer. I will never forget that,” he said, placing a hand over his chest. </p><p>“Ah,” Katara said stupidly, caught off guard by his gravitas, by the memory of the Agni Kai with Azula. This memory was a favorite of Katara’s at times over-active mind. Sometimes the memory held different meanings. Sometimes it was sad, when she thought of how broken Azula had been that day. Sometimes it was scary, when she thought of how Zuko might have died. Sometimes it was warm, when she thought of how they won the day. But now, the memory just confused her. She often considered what the memory meant to Zuko, how he viewed that day. What he meant when he told her that he loved her. And now he was here with her. She could ask him. But she bit her lip, concentrating instead on the cool of the water enveloping her dexterous fingers as they glided over Zuko’s swollen, but improving, foot. </p><p>“That feels much better,” Zuko said, his voice a little higher, and more cheerful, perhaps recognizing the strange mood he had put Katara in. </p><p>Katara finally pulled her hands away and flicked the water back into the pond with one swift motion. “There,” she said. She leaned down to pick up Zuko’s shoe at the same time as him, their fingers colliding on the leather. “Sorry,” she said, withdrawing her hand. </p><p>“S’okay,” he muttered, pulling his shoe back on. “Well, as I said, I’ve got to get to work.” He stood up from his spot and took a step, cautiously putting weight on his once-injured foot. When he saw it could bear weight without pain, he stepped again more confidently toward the screen door into the sun room. He turned back for a second. “You coming?” he asked. </p><p>“Wait,” Katara said suddenly, still not having moved from her spot on the bench. Her eyes were focused on a blade of grass between her feet as it danced in the breeze that was just now picking up in the little paradise. </p><p>Zuko stood in his place by the door for a moment, unmoving. Then he strode back to Katara, who was still struggling to work up the nerve to ask. “What is it?” he asked.</p><p>“Do… Do you remember what you said to me on that day?” Katara asked softly now nervously bending the dew drops off the lawn into a little bubble of water in the space between her knees. </p><p>Zuko stood just to the side of the bench and watched the little water orb refract rainbows of light onto the grass and the side of a tree, Katara finally looking at him to trace his eyes. “What day?” he asked flatly, not meeting her gaze.</p><p>“The day of he Agni Kai. The day that we won the war,” Katara clarified, discouraged that his mind may not have been in the same place as hers. </p><p>Zuko swallowed deeply enough that Katara could hear. “I said a lot of things that day, I imagine,” he said finally. </p><p>“Yes,” Katara agreed, but not giving up she pressed, “I remember everything you said. Before, when we were flying in on Appa, and after, when Azula was chained up and your heart was beating again. I listen to it again in my head sometimes.”</p><p>“Yeah? Why?” Zuko said, still not suggesting whether or not he had any recollection of the things he said that day.</p><p>Katara could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. “Sometimes because it makes me feel better. You said some very kind things,” she said. She took a moment to pause before continuing to the more important truth. “Sometimes because I’m a little confused.”</p><p>Zuko didn’t offer any feedback. Katara was still clueless as to what Zuko remembered from that day. Did he even know that he told her he loved her? He had been pretty weak from the lightning blast, maybe he was just saying things, but then again he had said it <i>twice.</i> He just stood there, his eyes still watching the dancing colors bouncing around the garden from Katara’s swirling water prism. She finally dropped the water back into the grass and Zuko at last looked at her. </p><p>“Do you remember?” she asked, softly, shyly, as if she were begging him to remember. So that she would know that this exchange was real, that he had really said it.</p><p>He broke his eye contact with her. “Sorry, Katara, I don’t,” he said. “I’ll have to talk to you later. I have something…” he started back toward the door, trailing off, leaving the sentence, the conversation, and the memory incomplete.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So sorry it's been so long since an update. No reason in particular other that low motivation and end-of-summer blues. Hope you enjoyed this somewhat angsty chapter. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. the projects</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Katara is enlisted by Zuko to help out a struggling village, but there may be more to the request than it seems.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the following days, Katara kept a respectful distance from Zuko, choosing instead to spend most of her time either in the palace library or sparring with Suki and the Kyoshi Warriors. Usually they practiced hand-to-hand combat, but at times they would challenge Katara to a non-bender vs. bender fight. In hand-to-hand, Katara lost the majority of the bouts, but when allowed to waterbend, her win count went up significantly. It wasn’t a competition exactly, but Katara still kept score in her head. </p><p>All the while, she missed Zuko, but he was busy and didn’t seem too interested in making time for her, probably feeling awkward about their last major conversation in the garden. Katara was still very bothered that he couldn’t remember telling her that he loved her, but it was probably for the best. Better for him to forget than to remember and tell her he doesn’t feel that way anymore. </p><p>He still ate dinner with her when his schedule allowed him to take a meal in private instead of during meetings. But the conversation was usually kind of terse, simply discussing Katara and Suki’s latest sparring match or whatever book Katara was reading. She was surprised to find out that Zuko had read every book in the library, mostly as a kid, but some more recently, and even more surprised that as she discussed them, he seemed to remember them very well. Down to the smallest plot details, actually. Perhaps these stories were so woven into Fire Nation culture that anyone could recall those points, but Katara doubted that was the case. And if Zuko could remember all the books he read as a child, why couldn’t he remember what he said?</p><p>One night at dinner, he asked her, “What has been your favorite story so far?”</p><p>“I really liked the Lionturtle’s World,” she replied, as she enjoyed her second course of her meal.</p><p>“You know that one is supposed to be true.” Zuko swirled his spoon in his squash soup.</p><p>“The whole world really formed from the back of a Lionturtle?” Katara asked skeptically.  </p><p>“That’s what my ancestors believed,” Zuko said with a snort. “If that’s true, how did the other Lionturtles come to be? It doesn’t make sense.”</p><p>“I guess I didn’t really think about it,” Katara said with a shrug. </p><p>“Do you think there’s a purpose to it?” Zuko asked, folding his hands, like he was really anticipating Katara’s answer.</p><p>“A purpose to what?” Katara asked, cocking her head.</p><p>Zuko’s eyebrows furrowed slightly. “To the world and its creation.”</p><p>“Um, yes,” Katara said.</p><p>“What is it?” </p><p>Katara felt herself blushing. “Love, I guess.”</p><p>Zuko hummed. “Yeah, maybe,” he said with a frown. He went back to stirring his soup. Then after a moment, he asked, “Will you come with me to a meeting tomorrow?”</p><p>“What now?” Katara asked, stunned. A meeting. What could she possibly add to a meeting with the Fire Lord?</p><p>Zuko spoke quickly as he explained. “I would like it if you could join me for a meeting. A town like the little fishing village we visited has been brought to my attention. We’re having a meeting to discuss it tomorrow. Since you helped restore Jang Hui, I wondered if maybe you would come give your input.”</p><p>Katara was flabbergasted. After days of cordial meals and relative awkwardness, she felt this was totally out of nowhere. “I-I’m not really political,” she said simply. </p><p>Zuko smiled. “I don’t want you to be,” he said. “Your answer about the world’s purpose… That’s what I want in that meeting.”</p><p>“Love?” Katara asked, still shocked, still not understanding.</p><p>“Yeah,” Zuko said, still smiling, his voice almost dreamy. “Er, compassion, I suppose.” It seemed like he was trying to correct his voice, but what that meant, Katara wasn’t sure. “I think we need a more personal approach.”</p><p>Katara gave a shrug. “I can try,” she said. “I don’t know how helpful I’ll be.” Zuko’s pleasant and encouraging expression made Katara feel almost uncomfortable. People’s expectations of her always made her uneasy. But then again, she was glad to be included, to feel useful. To be asked to help was something Katara couldn’t refuse. “You know what? I’m looking forward to it,” she added after a moment of thought.</p><p>“Thank you!” said Zuko cheerfully. “This means a lot to me.”</p><p>Katara felt herself blushing again.</p><p>The next morning, Katara got ready early, buzzing with nervousness. She tried to wear something more formal, but even her more traditional water tribe clothes seemed a little casual. While she felt inadequate in attire, her general mood could easily be described as confident. She was nervous, but in an excited way. She didn’t really know what she would say in the meeting, if anything, but the fact that Zuko had asked her to attend at all made her feel smart and capable. </p><p>Aza collected her from her room and took her to the meeting hall where Zuko was already waiting. “I’m glad you came,” he said.</p><p>“Did you doubt me?” Katara asked, putting a hand on her hip. </p><p>“No, not for a second,” Zuko replied, holding open the door for her to walk into the conference room. </p><p>It was a smaller office with a round table, fit to accommodate maybe six people. Since it was round, there was no head, so Zuko simply sat on the side opposite the door and gestured for Katara to sit beside him, to his right. Katara thought it didn’t seem appropriate for her to sit there, in what she thought may be a place of relative prominence, but then again, he had told her to sit there, and he makes the rules. Besides, it was a small meeting, it surely wouldn’t matter that much?</p><p>Still, when the other advisors started to arrive, they seemed startled to see her there, but they all recovered quickly and bowed deeply to their Fire Lord. The final person to enter was an emaciated-looking woman in worn out clothes. She seemed skittish, her eyes darting around the palace as if she were afraid it would attack her. </p><p>“We’re all here,” Zuko said. “Let’s get started. Ma’am, remind us all of your name?”</p><p>The woman introduced herself as the de-facto leader of her village. She described their location on a cliffside in a dryer part of the Fire Nation. As she described what had happened to their village during the war--a path to town having been destroyed by a ballistics test, their soil quality inexplicably declining, and their water supply being plugged up by shrapnel--Katara could feel her heart breaking. But at the same time, she was making a list in her mind of easy actions that could be taken to improve life for the town. When the woman finished explaining her situation in her shaky voice, Zuko immediately turned to Katara.</p><p>“What do you think?” he asked, before any of the other advisors had even a moment to think.</p><p>“I think I can take care of the water supply,” she said quickly. “It’s easy enough for a water bender to divert a river, even easier if there’s an earthbender to help dig trenches. We can rebuild their roads in a few days. The soil quality is another issue, but Sokka taught me a little bit about composting and I know that will help. I’m sure some of the gardeners who maintain the grounds here would have plenty of ideas for how to improve it too!” Katara was about to stand up and get started, all she needed was directions to the village and she would go. </p><p>Zuko gave her a nod then turned to address the men around them at the table. “See? There’s no need for a bunch of bureaucracy to get things done. We just need a good attitude for it. We can’t be afraid of a little hard work.”  </p><p>The woman’s eyes sparkled. “Oh thank you, your majesty!” She stood and began bowing at the waist. </p><p>“But sir--” one of the advisors began to protest. </p><p>“What is it?” Zuko spat.</p><p>“There is a process to these matters,” the man continued, seeming only slightly put down by Zuko’s quick rebuke. “We need to price contractors for the construction of the road, we need to chart out the labor force of our gardeners. It takes time.”</p><p>Katara folded her arms over her chest and huffed. She wouldn’t speak out of turn, but she wanted to yell. Everyday the people of that village suffered. Surely they had waited long enough for help. The war ended years ago, but yet its effects still poisoned the most vulnerable, despite Zuko’s many efforts. Katara could see why more clearly now. He faced opposition of many kinds, even well-meaning opposition from his most trusted staff.</p><p>Zuko mimicked Katara’s irritation with a groan. “We will start the work tomorrow. We will do the things we can do immediately, then we will work on the bigger projects, like figuring out the road.”</p><p>The woman raised her hand meekly and Zuko nodded to give her permission to speak. </p><p>“We have workers,” she said. “All the able-bodied men and women in the village can wield a shovel. We just need supplies and direction. We want to help ourselves, too.”</p><p>Zuko smiled. “Thank you,” he said to her, then turning to his advisors, “Are you convinced now? This doesn’t have to be some big undertaking.”</p><p>The advisors all looked to each other, seeming to know that any other protests would be easily shot down. They all turned to Zuko and nodded. </p><p>After the meeting concluded, Zuko directed one of the palace staff to take the village leader to the kitchen for a hot meal. Then he took Katara’s hand and pulled her into the throne room around the corner of the corridor. </p><p>Once inside, he dropped her hand. “Thank you,” he said.</p><p>“What for?” Katara said, truly baffled.</p><p>He balled his hands into eager and excited fists. “Your suggestions, your presence. Believe me when I say that went much better with you there.” </p><p>Katara felt embarrassed. She didn’t really do anything. “I don’t know about that…”</p><p>“It’s your spirit, Katara. No one can deny it, and no one can deny you!” He looked, for lack of a better term, in love. Katara could see a sort of puppy-ish admiration in his eyes, but she dismissed it as gratitude. </p><p>“So, tomorrow?” Katara said hopefully.</p><p>“Yes, tomorrow,” Zuko agreed.</p><p> </p><p>In the morning that followed, Katara pulled on some work-day appropriate attire and Aza took her down to the caravan of carriages and tanks, turned from war-making to peace-making, that were headed for the village. “The Fire Lord isn’t coming?” Katara asked when she noticed he wasn’t there. </p><p>Aza frowned for Katara’s benefit. “He couldn’t get away from the palace today. He said to tell you that he’s very sorry.” </p><p>Katara shrugged it off, not letting the somewhat unfavorable news deter her. </p><p>Aza then introduced her to a couple of earthbenders. They were young colonials whose parents met during the Fire Nation’s occupation of the Earth Kingdom. Some families had moved back to the Fire Nation after the war, some stayed. Katara had gotten to know many such blended families over the years, but it always made her feel a strange sense of hope whenever she met them. Earthbenders dressed in Fire Nation garb. She wondered in a hundred years, what would be of the four nations? Would they be combined as one? Would there ever be firebenders that adapted to the harsh cold of the poles? Would there be waterbenders adjusting to the climes of the deserts outside of Ba Sing Se? The thought thrilled her. </p><p>They departed for the village and, after a few hours of travel, came to an obvious block when the road to the cliffside ended, completely shattered. Katara looked out and the only way across to the outcropping on which the village sat was a rope that was attached to something like a harpoon, anchored into the cliffside. The village leader went first, demonstrating for the crowd of workers how she slid down the rope with a metal crowbar to hold herself up. It seemed incredibly dangerous, to say the least.</p><p>The earthbender kids all looked to each other, and in synchronization, lifted the remnants of the broken path from the water below. They widened their stances and pushed the dark coal-colored earth into place, meeting it up with the earth on either side. Now the natural bridge was back into place. They twisted their fists, compacting the looser bits of rock and dirt until the bridge was solid. Water dripped from the path into the sea below. It was incredible how quickly the team of Fire Nation earthbenders was able to reconstruct the road. It took no time at all. In an instant, Katara could hear the cheers erupting from the other side of the bridge. She ran across to join the villagers who were jumping, cheering, and pumping fiery fists into the air with enthusiasm. </p><p>The celebration didn’t last long as, like promised, all the capable villagers took up their shovels to pat down and even out the roughest parts of the road, which would be paved at a later date (after all the pricing of contractors took place). </p><p>The village leader took Katara to the stagnant pool of water which served as the town’s pitiful supply. She could see where a waterfall once flowed into the pond, then off into the sea on the other side of the cliff. With the earthbenders’ help, they cleared the obstruction and got the water flowing again. The stagnant pool was already crystal clear. They created channels of water all around the village to feed their crops. </p><p>The first day of work was finished, and Katara felt deeply satisfied when they returned to the palace for their rest. After she washed herself off and got into one of her plush robes, she was ready to settle in for a night of rest. Just as she was about to pull the covers over her head, she heard a knock on the door.</p><p>She rose to answer and saw it was the Fire Lord, rubbing his eyes. “Sleepy, Zuko?” Katara teased.</p><p>Zuko straightened his back slightly. “Yes, sorry. I’m sure I’m not as tired as you, though. I heard it went well today.”</p><p>“Yes, it did,” Katara said with her usual pride. </p><p>Zuko gave a half-smile. “I’m not surprised.” Then after a moment, he said, “It’s such a blessing that you came here. That village would still be in bad shape if it weren’t for your surprise visit.” He was blushing a little bit, Katara could tell. She felt her heart flutter at his compliments. </p><p>“I’m glad I came too,” Katara replied.</p><p>“So, uh, how long do you think you’ll stay?” Zuko asked. He was rubbing his neck awkwardly. He looked down the hallway, like there was something more interesting there. </p><p>Katara was stunned by the question, she hadn’t considered it. “Am I overstaying my welcome?” she asked, embarrassed. It had, in all, been a week and half, but she was enjoying herself and couldn’t bear to think of it all coming to an end. </p><p>“N-no!” Zuko said quickly. “No, that’s not what I meant. I just…” he trailed off. “Some of the palace seamstresses were asking.” It almost sounded like an excuse.</p><p>“The seamstresses want to know?” Katara asked skeptically. </p><p>Zuko bounced on his heals slightly. “Well, not exactly, but they wanted to sew some clothes for you to wear while you’re here.”</p><p>“My clothes are that bad, huh?” Katara said.</p><p>“Hey, I didn’t say that,” Zuko protested. “But the seamstresses are sort of fashion snobs.” His eyes twinkled with mischief and Katara rolled her eyes. “In all seriousness, they haven’t had a nice model to work with since…” he trailed off.</p><p>“Azula?” Katara said, just blurting the name out.</p><p>“I was actually going to say since my mom lived here, but yeah. They liked making clothes for Azula too.” He shrugged.</p><p>Katara stuck her nose up. “Well, if it will make them happy, they are free to make some clothes for me.”</p><p>“Just for their benefit?” Zuko teased, folding his arms over his chest. </p><p>Katara just laughed in response. </p><p>Zuko snorted a half-laugh too, then he turned serious again. “So you’re going to be here a while?” he asked.</p><p>“A while,” Katara agreed. “As long as it’s okay with his majesty.” She gave him a sarcastic bow.</p><p>Zuko rolled his eyes. “Stay as long as you want.” Before he left to go back to his room for the night, he added, “I like having you here.”</p><p>Katara gave him a sincere smile, though she was lost for words. As she stumbled into bed, the exhaustion of a hard day’s work washing over her, she felt the warmth of feeling wanted enveloping her again.</p><p> </p><p>In the following days, work continued in the village. The road was paved and the gardeners identified problems with the soil. Katara brought vegetable starts from the palace with Zuko’s permission and started several little farm plots. After only a week, the village looked and felt completely different. Katara, in her newly-made work overalls, even brought buckets of paint to spruce up the little cottages and homes of the villagers. It was no longer a run-down, abandoned-looking town. It was on its way to becoming a thriving community. Zuko came at last on the final day of work to appraise the progress. He shook hands with everyone in the village and called for a festival that night. It was a small party, but there was music and dancing and everything to make a festival great.  </p><p>At its end, Katara, wearing a burgundy semi-formal dress with blue trim, and Zuko sat side by side on the cliff overlooking the ocean as the sun slunk lower and lower into the sky. “I love my country,” Zuko sighed dreamily as he looked over the orange sunset. </p><p>“I do too,” Katara agreed. </p><p>“I’m glad you said that,” Zuko said. “I told you I like having you here. It’s largely for selfish reasons. But also, I want you to stay on as a sort of staff member for me.” He held out a finger in front of him and lit a flame from its tip. He bounced the little light back and forth between his fingers as he continued to speak. “You did a lot of good with this village. There are more like it in the Fire Nation. And many, many more around the globe.”</p><p>Katara swallowed. “Sounds like a big responsibility,” she murmured. </p><p>“It’s up to you,” Zuko said casually, “You can just do a few more projects like this and see how you like it. Then we can go from there.”</p><p>“Will you hold a feast like this every time we finish a project?” Katara teased, jostling the Fire Lord with her shoulder.</p><p>Zuko smirked. “For you, yes,” he said, barely above a whisper. </p><p>“O-okay,” Katara replied, feeling her stomach flip at Zuko’s words. “I’ll think about it.”</p><p>“Come on,” he said, standing again and extending his hand to Katara. “There are some fruit tarts that are calling my name.” </p><p>Katara took his hand and let him lead her back to the festival, where she spent the rest of the night becoming more and more sure of her place in the Fire Nation.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you all enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reading and commenting; you all are awesome and I love your feedback!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. a last dance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Katara spent the next several weeks working as Zuko had asked. He gave her the names and conditions of several small villages around the fire nation and nearby Earth Kingdom colonies, Katara prioritized them, then she went to each one by one and addressed every issue she could with the assistance of a small team of workers from the palace and the Kyoshi Warriors. It was good, honest work and Katara loved the satisfaction when the work was complete. And Zuko was good to his word. At the completion of each project, he would come to visit, assess the village, and throw a festival to celebrate. And the palace seamstresses would pull Katara into their sewing room almost daily to fit her for a new celebration dress. It seemed excessive, but they were having fun and Katara felt beautiful in the fine Fire Nation textiles. Katara was happier than she had been since before she had moved to Cranefish town. </p><p>But it all came to a screeching halt one day, when Zuko called her to his study on a day of rest. She was excited when she got the summons, and bounded down the hall in her new luxurious loungewear. She had never had clothes exclusively made for lounging before. She knocked twice on the door, and after a moment, she heard his raspy voice call from the other side for her to enter.</p><p>He was rubbing his good eye with the palm of his hand. He never got a rest day, it seemed. He was pouring over some document, but Katara tried to keep her eyes off of it and respect his privacy. When he removed his hand from his face, he could get a decent look at her. His eyes raked over her body and her cheeks were rushed with warmth. “You look comfortable,” he said with a smirk. </p><p>She wrapped her arms around herself. “I am,” she said, sticking her chin out proudly. </p><p>Zuko chuckled low and gestured for her to have a seat. “I know it’s your day to relax, but I have a favor to ask,” he said without any preamble. </p><p>“Yeah?” Katara said, leaning forward eagerly. She loved every assignment she had been given so far. </p><p>Zuko folded his hands thoughtfully and leaned forward too. “It’s time for me to dismiss the Kyoshi Warriors, like I said I would do a few weeks ago. Since they have been helping you in your work with the villages, it has just reinforced my belief that they are too cooped up here and should go back to exploring and helping the world.” </p><p>Katara at first nodded in agreement, but then was struck with a rather heavy realization. Suki would be leaving the palace. “Ah,” Katara said, almost involuntarily. </p><p>“So I was wondering if you would help me to throw a ball, a celebration. Something fancy,” Zuko sounded excited, but all Katara could think about was that ship that would be coming to haul Suki back to the South Pole, and all the expectations for Katara to join her that would no doubt come with it. What excuse could she make to stay at that point? She had been at the palace for almost two months, and in that time explored so much of the Fire Nation. She got her taste for adventure back. How could anyone else look at the situation and think Katara still needed to stay? </p><p>As Katara just sat there, staring blankly with the thoughts rushing through her mind, Zuko waited for her answer. </p><p>“I understand, you have had a lot of work to do lately, and if you find it too overwhelming, I can just hire a party planner,” he rambled, clearly taking her silence as a refusal.</p><p>Katara snapped out of her self-centered daze. She knew it was the right time and the right thing to do to honor the Kyoshi Warriors after all their years of service to the Firelord. “Yes, of course I will help you,” Katara said firmly. “It would be a great, personal pleasure.” She smiled, convincing herself that this was all for the best. </p><p>“Excellent,” Zuko chimed. “I’m thinking we can hold the celebration in two weeks? You and I will have to have several meetings to sort the details, but I think it will be fun.”</p><p>“Fun?” Katara teased. “That doesn’t sound like you.” </p><p>Zuko smiled. “Whatever,” he said, rolling his eyes. “We can get started with the planning tomorrow, after your rest.”</p><p>Katara gave him a half-bow before exiting the study. She was happy to have been asked to help with the planning. Such a formal event Katara hadn’t attended basically since she crashed the Earth King’s party back in Ba Sing Se. And now, she was not only invited, she was planning. But all the excitement was overshadowed by the dread of leaving her new life behind to go back to the South Pole, an unfamiliar home. </p><p> </p><p>The following two weeks were all but consumed by party planning. Katara and Zuko stayed up into the night to make preparations. Zuko planned a carefully balanced menu and handled all the invitations via one of his staff. He created the list and sent them to ensure all of those people got the message. Katara was impressed with how Zuko knew the names of so many dignitaries around the world. He didn’t just know the kings, but even local magistrates, mayors, and councilmen and women. How he knew them all, Katara couldn’t fathom. He described each of them to her, so when the party happened, she could introduce herself easily. They went over flash cards for her to study them one by one. She never did learn them all, but Zuko didn’t seem to mind. </p><p>Katara planned the entertainment. She had different bands from the Fire Nation audition for her. She heard music from every band, small and local to nearly world-famous. She and Zuko sat side by side and exchanged grins when a song was particularly folksy or outright bad. They exchanged looks with raised eyebrows when the best bands played. Katara opted for a lesser known group. She figured they could use the increased exposure. And they did seem grateful. Ty Lee, who Katara had never felt particularly close to, given their rather strained history, gave Katara a recommendation for some local circus performers. Of course, Katara didn’t tell her about the party. It was supposed to be a surprise. But Katara hired some contortionists and a sword swallower to work the room. </p><p>Zuko and Katara studied the banquet hall each night, late after most staff had gone to bed. Zuko didn’t bother to light the lamps, but rather held a small flame in his hand to cast a glow on the room. They planned decorations. Something subtle, as the Kyoshi warriors were practical. They spoke in whispers, standing shoulder to shoulder. Katara treasured the feeling of his warm, fire-bender breath on her ear when he spoke in those raspy, hushed tones. She would miss everything about him when she left. She felt a sting of regret whenever he smiled at her. Why didn’t she just tell him she loved him? It was too forward. Improper. But also, she was still a girl at heart, scared of what he would say. Dreading his rejection. After all, he hadn’t made a move. Not really. And she’d been in his palace for weeks.</p><p>One night, one of the last before the party was to take place, they were taking their usual stroll through the banquet hall. Now, there was nothing left to discuss really, but it had become a habit. Neither seemed to want to give up their nighttime walk. Zuko held his flame gently on his fingertips, almost balancing it, spreading a warm golden glow over his alabaster skin. Flawless, as far as Katara was concerned. The scar didn’t even register to her anymore. It was just Zuko. She watched the little fire dance, not saying a word. Enjoying the comfortable silence of the banquet hall at night. The room was almost cavernous, so huge and so empty. But yet with Zuko it felt cozy. </p><p>At last, he spoke. “I’m going to be sad when the party’s over.”</p><p>“You’re going to miss the Kyoshi Warriors?” Katara guessed.</p><p>“Well yes,” Zuko said. “But I was actually going to say that I am going to miss our planning sessions.” He lowered the flame, as if to conceal his facial expression. Katara imagined it, though. His cheeks were probably pink. He was pretty sentimental, but he didn’t seem to like that aspect of himself much. Zuko dropped his flame entirely now.</p><p>“I’ll miss it too,” Katara murmured in the dark. </p><p>She felt a hand wrap around her own, the fingers slotting in between hers. Her breath caught in her throat. She could feel the tension in his hand. The uncertainty. She didn’t dare to say a word. She just wondered what would happen next. </p><p>“Do you want to spar with me?” he asked out of nowhere, releasing her hand. Perhaps it was just a gesture of friendship after all.  </p><p>“Spar?” Katara asked confusedly. </p><p>“Yes. We’ve not sparred in years. I want to see you waterbend. For real.” He lit his flame again and this time shot little lights from his fingers onto the wick of each lantern sconce on the walls around them. </p><p>“Aren’t you worried we’ll get caught?” Katara asked, looking around the now-lit room. It was a good size for a fight. Plenty of room to move around. The furniture was all pushed to the walls, it could easily be a dance floor or an arena.</p><p>Zuko laughed. “I’m the Firelord. What can they do?”</p><p>Katara got a few cisterns of water from the kitchen as quietly as she could and lined them around their makeshift battleground. It felt like playing ball in the house. Forbidden, but so much fun. As she set down her last cistern, she said, “You know it’s nighttime, right? You’ll be at a serious disadvantage.”</p><p>“We’ll see,” Zuko said, leaned against the wall. He stood up straight now and shed his robes, leaving himself in just his pants. Katara hadn’t seen his bare chest in a long time. She noted the scar, front and center. It had only faded slightly over the years. It seemed that scars inflicted by firebenders were permanent. She also noted his taut muscles. She almost expected that he would have gotten soft over the years, but apparently, he made time for training in his busy schedule. Katara swallowed deeply, nervous that she wouldn’t be much of a match for him. “Whenever you’re ready, waterbender.” He took his stance, his arms held in front of him. </p><p>Katara exhaled. “Ready,” she said, immediately pulling water from the urns to encase her arms. </p><p>She lashed out at him, which he met with a fire blast of his own. It immediately created a puff of steam in the room, and Katara felt suddenly worried for the condition of the wall paper. But her concern was quickly replaced by determination as another fireball was headed her way. She created a shield of water from the floor, then pushed it out in an attempt to break his stance. </p><p>Zuko seemed to ground himself though, as the small wave of water swelled around his feet. He stood unmoved, so as he punched another flame at her, she froze the water around his feet. She dodged his flame, then pulled another stream of water from an urn to knock Zuko down. The water collided with his back and he wavered slightly, but he was able to heat his feet enough to melt the ice and he was back to fighting again without falling.</p><p>The two traded blow for blow for what seemed like hours, until they were too tired to go on. They exchanged a look that signified the battle would be a draw, then they collapsed on the wet floor of the banquet hall next to each other, panting from their efforts.</p><p>“I forgot how fun it was to fight you,” Katara remarked happily. </p><p>“Fun? You mean utterly challenging?” Zuko said with a laugh. “I haven’t had a sparring match that good in a long time.” </p><p>Katara’s cheeks were already red from the fight, but she still felt the stirring in her center at his earnest and innocent compliment. “We had better get this water off the floor, huh?” she said after a moment. </p><p>“Sounds like a job for you,” Zuko said, sitting up.</p><p>Katara rolled her eyes, but knew he was right. She wicked the water from the floor and shot it all back in streams to the urns surrounding the hall. The two of them carried the spent water to a street drain just out the front door of the palace as dawn began to break on the horizon. “Guess we pulled an all-nighter?” Katara said as she noted the sun creeping up in the sky.</p><p>“It happens,” Zuko said, as though this were a regular occurrence for him. “But it’s rarely so fun when it does happen.”</p><p>The two stood on the steps of the palace and watched the sun paint the sky in all kinds of orange and pink hues as it rose in the sky.</p><p>Katara wished then that she could just say it. Tell him then and there that she loved him. That she felt like they were perfectly matched and balanced. That she wished to spend all her life with him. In the palace, on the road, at sea--it didn’t matter as long as she was with him. But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She was too proud to admit it after he wouldn’t admit it himself. So instead, she yawned, stretched, and turned in to try and get a few hours of sleep before facing their final day of preparation for the party.</p><p> </p><p>The final day of preparations was mostly spent with Katara as a mannequin, getting fitted for her satin evening gown, while palace staff placed the final decorations per her instruction in the banquet hall. The palace’s seamstresses had outdone themselves in their excitement. While Zuko had been making efforts to restore the culture of the Fire Nation, his austerity prevented many of those celebrations from being too fancy and formal. Aside from that, they didn’t enjoy dressing him as much as they enjoyed dressing Katara. Part of it was that they said girl’s clothes were more fun, but the other part, Katara suspected, was that Katara was much more appreciative. Not that Zuko didn’t thank them when they outfitted him with a new robe or garment, but to him it was usual. For Katara, this was a luxury she would never be able to afford on her own. And that made the ladies pinning her sleeves all the more enthusiastic. </p><p>The next morning, Katara had seamstresses helping her dress and a stylist piling her hair up into some fancy arrangement, “befitting royalty.” The ladies giggled conspiratorially as they said this. Katara guessed the implication was something about her and Zuko’s relationship, but her attendants had no clue how far that was from the truth. Katara would never be royalty. She felt this bitterly. With Aang, she was to basically live the life of a monk. At home, she would be a teacher, the daughter of the chief. Nothing like a princess. But when she caught sight of herself in the mirror, she couldn’t deny that she looked the part. The final touch was a spritz of her Fire Nation fragrance, the one that reminded Zuko of his favorite tea. </p><p>“Oh, Katara!” Aza swooned when she arrived at Katara’s door to bring her to the banquet hall several hours later. “You look like the most beautiful woman I have ever seen!” </p><p>Aza didn’t look half bad either. It appeared as though the palace staff, though not guests of the party, still had their own formal versions of their uniforms. Aza had styled her hair in delicate braids, looping back into a tight bun. She had slender tendrils of hair framing either side of her face. Normally, she looked almost tomboyish, but given the special occasion, she had put on some rouge. “You look incredible yourself!” Katara said. “Come on, let’s go see how everything looks.”</p><p>Aza and Katara walked as quickly as they could given the decorum their attire demanded. At last, the doors of the banquet hall were flung open, and Katara could see the fruit of her two-weeks long labor. The hall looked beautiful. There was a mix of fire nation icons, such as fire lilies and tropical fruit arrangements, as well as touches of Kyoshi, such as gold fan decorations and green ribbons on the back of each chair. The center of the banquet hall was left open for dancing and the performers that Katara had hired. She felt a swell of pride. The party was no doubt going to be a successful reception to honor Suki and her comrades.</p><p>“It looks amazing, Katara,” a voice said from behind her left shoulder. She knew who it was, and she felt the skin on the back of her neck prickle.</p><p>Katara turned around to face Zuko, who himself was wearing an excessively festooned version of his Firelord robes. “Wow,” Katara remarked by way of greeting.</p><p>Zuko looked down at his outfit with a frown. “I told them it was too much, but they wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He held his arm out and a gold chain jingled cutely on his shoulder pad.</p><p>Katara snickered. “You look wonderful.”</p><p>“Guests are beginning to arrive,” Zuko said. “Why don’t you wait with me in the hallway? They’ll announce you as you come in.” </p><p>Katara cocked her head, unfamiliar with the tradition, but soon she understood. Zuko whispered something to one of the doormen as he took his place in the back of the line. </p><p>One by one, guests entered and Katara heard them being announced. The Earth King Kuei was attending, as well as King Bumi and Master Piandao. “Lesser” guests were announced, though without titles. Zuko ushered the Kyoshi warriors to the back of the line.</p><p>“Aren’t you supposed to go last?” Suki asked, not knowing the party was being thrown in their honor as Zuko half-shoved her back in line.</p><p>“No, please,” Zuko said, not elaborating. “I insist.”</p><p>Katara drew closer to the front of the line. The hall was probably mostly full with Zuko’s invited guests by now. Suddenly, a familiar form slid in front of her. “I hope you don’t mind if I cut,” Iroh said, with his deep, warm voice. </p><p>“Not at all, Iroh!” Katara said, leaping for a hug.</p><p>“Uncle,” Zuko said as he encircled the older man with his own arms. </p><p>“Katara, you look radiant as always,” Iroh said, patting her hand. She felt a slight blush settle on her cheeks. Then Iroh turned to his nephew. “Zuko, you look rather tasteless.”</p><p>Zuko grimaced. “I knew it was too much.”</p><p>Iroh and Katara dissolved into laughter as the line moved forward, and they only stopped when Katara heard her brother, Sokka, get introduced as an Ambassador of the Southern Watertribe. She thought the title was rather generous, but nevertheless she was excited to know that Sokka had gotten the invitation and was able to make the long trip to the Fire Nation to celebrate with his fiancée. </p><p>Right after Sokka, Katara heard Toph Beifong announced. She was announced as the honorable and prolific Toph Beifong, founder of Beifong Metalbending Academy. Katara laughed. She knew Toph had requested that distinction. </p><p>After a few moments, it was Katara’s turn. “Do you need me to tell you how to introduce me?” she whispered to the doorman. </p><p>The doorman shook his head as he bellowed. “Ms. Katara of the Southern Watertribe, invaluable in her council to Firelord Zuko and as a Royal Fire Nation Ambassador to the world.”</p><p>Katara was stunned by the rather long introduction and by the title given to her. She didn’t realize that helping a few villages made her a Royal Fire Nation Ambassador. She also didn’t realize that she was invaluable to Zuko. She tried to suppress her surprise as she gave a small courtesy and entered the party. </p><p>Zuko was introduced next and rather simply as “Firelord Zuko.” She supposed he didn’t need any extra pomp and circumstance. His outfit was over-the-top enough. </p><p>Then at last, the Kyoshi Warriors entered, surprise obvious on their faces when they realized that this party was in fact for them. Zuko had told Suki earlier that week that he had new plans for the Warriors outside the palace. She understood that she was being released from her duty to him, but clearly, she didn’t expect the honor of a banquet in recognition of their service. </p><p>Once the thunderous applause finally subsided, Sokka being the last to stop clapping, all the guests took their seats and Zuko stood to give a speech.</p><p>He looked like he was fighting embarrassment as he praised the Kyoshi Warriors for their service to him, for their loyalty, for their global-citizenry, for their poise, for their positive attitudes, for their friendship. His voice wavered slightly as he mentioned them each by name. He ended by saying, “I love each of you.” Then took his seat. </p><p>Katara thought the speech was lovely, but was confused by its ending. He just told all the Kyoshi Warriors that he loved them. </p><p>“How great is this!” Sokka shouted as the first of several courses was brought to him, jarring Katara out of her thoughts. She was seated next to Sokka and Toph on her other side, with an empty seat nearby. Sokka was next to Suki, and Suki next to the other Kyoshi Warriors, who were all seated at a slightly elevated table directly across the room from Zuko, who kept smiling in their general direction as Iroh yammered into his nephew’s ear.</p><p>Katara looked at the plate in front of her. “It does look great,” she agreed. </p><p>Toph already had her face stuffed with the traditionally spicy hors d'oeuvres.</p><p>Katara ate as they watched entertainers perform. The sword swallower was met with gasps and applause. The contortionist garnered polite interest. Ty Lee kept trying to wave at her, apparently an old friend. The band played soft, ambient music as they entertained the guests. They played a little louder as a troupe of Fire Nation dancers gave an interpretive performance of some traditional Kyoshi legend. It was beautiful and peaceful. </p><p>After many more delicious dishes, at last, dessert was served with a classy, after-dinner drink. </p><p>Now the band started playing in earnest and the guests began to dance and mingle. Katara stood and realized something. Aang wasn’t attending, though everyone they ever met seemed to be there.</p><p>Katara crossed the crowded dance floor until she arrived at Zuko’s table. “Hey!” she half-shouted over the music.</p><p>“Hey!” Zuko shouted back with a lopsided smile.</p><p>Katara gestured for him to walk with her. He followed her to the edge of the room. </p><p>“You did such a good job with everything,” Zuko praised her, before she couldn’t manage to speak. “I can’t wait until the next party we get to plan.”</p><p>Katara tried to ignore what he just said, knowing that tomorrow, she’d be with Suki and Sokka on that ship back to the South. Instead, she asked him, “Did you invite Aang?”</p><p>Zuko looked stunned by the question. “Of course I did. How could I throw a formal party and not invite your boyfriend?” </p><p>Katara felt her blood run cold. Boyfriend? How could Zuko think he was still her boyfriend? She thought back and realized that when she arrived in the Fire Nation, he never asked and she never told him. But it seemed so obvious. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. “I didn’t mean to ask because he’s my… whatever. I asked because he is the Avatar.”</p><p>Zuko shrugged. “There is that factor as well. I guess it doesn’t matter, though. He didn’t come. I wonder why…”</p><p>Katara sighed. “I know why.”</p><p>Zuko looked at her, asking with his eyes what she meant.</p><p>“He didn’t want to see me. I broke up with him.” She said it bluntly, no point in hiding it now. She never meant to hide it in the first place.</p><p>Zuko looked stunned again. “What? When?!”</p><p>“About a month or so before I came here,” Katara said.</p><p>Zuko’s eyes darted around like he was trying to do math in his head or something. “Wh-why didn’t you say anything?”</p><p>Katara didn’t know how to answer, so she just shrugged. “I guess I didn’t want to talk about it.” A pause. “I mean… Does it really change anything?” She looked to the Firelord hopefully. </p><p>Zuko’s brow furrowed. “No. I guess it doesn’t,” he answered coldly. “If you’ll excuse me.” He brushed past her and sat back with his Uncle. He acted like he had better things to do, but instead, he just sat and sulked at his table. </p><p><i>Just as well</i>, Katara thought, as she made her way back to her own seat. </p><p>Across the room from each other, it seemed like they were each doing anything they could not to look at each other. Katara wasn’t really sure why.</p><p>“What’s eating you?” Toph asked, plopping down in her seat after a dance with Sokka. </p><p>Katara glanced at her small friend and simply groaned. </p><p>“I meant to tell you, you look beautiful tonight!” Toph said.</p><p>Katara perked up. “Why thank y-- Wait a minute. Why do you do this to me?”</p><p>Toph laughed cruelly. “It never gets old.”</p><p>Katara couldn’t help but crack a smile now. She looked back over the dance floor to see her brother and her future sister-in-law dancing happily. She was jealous, but their joy was contagious. She felt stupid about whatever just happened with Zuko, so she stood and marched over to him. This was going to be their last night together, after all.</p><p>Zuko had his head resting miserably on the table and looked away as she stood in front of him. “Dance with me,” she commanded.</p><p>“Is that any way to talk to the Firelord?” Zuko grumbled.</p><p>“It’s the way I talk to my friends,” Katara said, extending her hand to him.</p><p>Zuko stared at her hand for a moment before reluctantly taking it, but when the heat of his hand reached hers, it seemed that he couldn’t help but cheer up. </p><p>Katara led him to the dance floor and began to sway with him to the beat of the music. It was a fast song, so she twirled and moved quickly. Zuko smiled at her, barely moving his own feet, seeming to be content with watching her. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he said. “I don’t know why it bothered me so much that you didn’t tell me. I mean, it’s really none of my business.”</p><p>Katara stopped for a second and looked into his golden eyes. “It’s okay. You were right to be upset. I should have told you. It is your business… Because we’re friends.” </p><p>“Right,” he said. “Friends.” His voice was so soft that Katara could barely hear him over the music. Then everything slowed down. It was a love song. A song for slow dances. Zuko began to walk away, back to his seat before Katara caught his hand again.</p><p>“Dance with me,” she said again. Her voice lowered too. “Please.”</p><p>Zuko looked pained. Sad, sentimental. But he nodded, took her waist as she leaned into him, and led them in slow swaying. Katara tucked her head onto his shoulder and breathed in his familiar scent, treasuring and savoring it for what she was confident would be the last time, for a long time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is a rather long chapter to make up for it being so long since I last updated. And it is now officially the second to last installment! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. the road to happiness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Katara will never forget how long and hard the road to happiness is.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the morning, Katara threw a few of her final things in her old duffle, while Aza helped pack all of her newly made garments into a newly made case. Katara felt embarrassed at first, since she was leaving with much more than she came with, and she tried to insist on leaving all her new clothes at the palace. But the seamstresses wouldn’t have it. The clothes were made for Katara, and she would have to keep them, even if she wouldn’t have much occasion to wear them at the South Pole. </p><p>Katara’s bedroom door was closed as she tucked away her last souvenir, her perfume bottle. She heard a soft knock. “Come in,” she called.</p><p>The door creaked behind her as she fastened her bag closed. “So. When were you planning to tell me that you’re leaving?” The raspy voice belonged to the Firelord, leaning in the door frame. </p><p>Katara straightened up and faced him as Aza quickly hauled the case out of her bedroom. Katara cleared her throat. “I was going to come tell you. I was going to say goodbye.”</p><p>Zuko grunted. “Thanks.” Katara and Zuko stayed locked in a staring match for a moment.</p><p>“How’d you know I was leaving?” Katara asked.</p><p>“This is my palace. I’m told things,” Zuko said, deadpan. Then he spoke again. “Why are you going?” His voice softened now.</p><p>Katara blinked and tried to think of a good answer. “Well, Suki and Sokka already have a ship to go back to the South Pole. It’s certainly convenient.”</p><p>Zuko sort of grunted again.</p><p>Katara continued, “Besides, I showed up here unannounced and uninvited in the first place. I think I’ve rather overstayed my welcome.”</p><p>Zuko finally heaved himself off the door frame and staggered into the room. “No, you’ve not,” he said. </p><p>Katara looked away from him and went back to her fastening. She slung the bag over her shoulder. “I better go. Sokka and Suki are probably already on their way to the docks.”</p><p>“Stop,” Zuko said, shuffling back to the door frame again to block her path. “Please.”</p><p>Katara stood with an eyebrow cocked, waiting to hear what he might have to say now.</p><p>“You don’t have to leave,” Zuko said quietly, privately. “You can stay as long as you want.”</p><p>“Well, I want to leave anyway, even if I don’t have to,” Katara lied, shifting her bag on her shoulder. </p><p>Zuko looked hurt. “I thought you liked it here?” he said, his voice small, childish, unsure, wavering. </p><p>Katara felt tears pricking in her eyes. This is not how she wanted the goodbye to go. “I do,” she said, not wanting to lie again and hurt him worse. “But I need to go home.”</p><p>“This could be your home,” Zuko said stubbornly, sticking his jaw out, balling his fists. </p><p>“How?” Katara said, getting irritated now. Zuko was her friend, not her family. This was not her home. Even if she wanted it to be.</p><p>“Y-you’re the best ambassador we have. You serve us and the world so well,” he said.</p><p>She felt her face getting hot, her blood practically boiling. All he could do was mention her work. Not her friendship, her companionship. He couldn’t mention how he loved her like he apparently loved all the Kyoshi warriors. “I can serve from the South Pole as well as anywhere,” Katara said. “Besides, I want to represent the Southern Water Tribe, not the Fire Nation.” Katara turned up her nose and began trying to push past Zuko.</p><p>Zuko trotted behind her, chasing her to her transport to the docks. “But you do represent the Southern Tribe. Just using Fire Nation resources. It’s a great example of collaboration to the world. A sign of growing peace!” Zuko sounded desperate, but Katara couldn’t figure why as she continued to stomp down the corridor to the front doors of the palace.</p><p>The doors opened and Katara could see Aza loading up her case into the back. Katara plodded down the front steps with Zuko close behind her. She didn’t want to say another word to him now. She was angry. Angry that she loved him so much, but he apparently didn’t love her. He wanted her around as a worker, not as what she wanted to be. It didn’t matter how much she loved the work and how fulfilling it was. It didn’t matter that all the things that Zuko said were true. That she could represent the Southern Tribe and show as an example of peace between nations. It didn’t matter as long as he didn’t love her.</p><p>She threw her bag into her seat and began climbing in. </p><p>“Wait!” Zuko said, catching her hand. </p><p>She let him hold it there. His face was contorted and sad. She recognized the expression. She imagined it’s what her face looked like when her father left for war. It was what Sokka’s face looked like whenever Suki would leave him. It’s what Aang’s face looked like when Katara left him. She felt a sharp and painful stab in her gut and she winced. She knew what the feeling was. It was the feeling of her heart breaking. </p><p>Zuko stared into her crystal blue eyes with a sort of panic now. “Katara, please,” he said. “You can have anything you want. Anything you need. If you stay at the palace as an ambassador, I’ll get you your own ship. You can sail the world whenever you want, help whoever you want, and use whatever resources you want. I can make that happen. As long as when you come home, you come home here.” </p><p>She withdrew her hand from him finally. “You don’t mean that,” Katara said softly, with a kindness. It wasn’t an accusation, it was an out. She wanted him to know that she wouldn’t hold him to those promises. </p><p>“But I do mean it,” he said, in the same tone. </p><p>Katara felt a tear finally spill over and down her cheek, but she wiped it away as quickly as it fell. “Goodbye, Zuko. I’ll see you again soon.” She said that to comfort herself as much as she said it to comfort him. She reached to close the door to the carriage, to close this chapter in her life. The ostrich horse began to move, and, as Katara watched from the window, Zuko hung his head, shrinking back into the distance.</p><p> </p><p>The ride across the sea to the Southern Watertribe was occupied with many games of I Spy with Sokka and fan lessons with Suki. It was incredibly boring, which provided no relief from Katara’s obsessive remembering of every interaction she had with Zuko in the palace. Much of it was confusing. So many mixed signals. At times, it seemed like he would do anything he could to touch her, to spend time with her. He threw so many festivals, just to drink and dance with her. Or so it seemed. But then, he would get cold, become reclusive and withdrawn. Katara rationalized that it must have been because he was under the assumption that she was “taken.” Maybe, he wanted her as badly as she wanted him, but he felt it was wrong to pursue her. But that didn’t explain his sour attitude when she finally told him that she and Aang had been broken up. He had said it didn’t change anything. </p><p>Katara practically beat her head to the wall, trying to understand what was going on in the Firelord’s head. She pondered diving into the ocean, to wash herself in the salty waters and maybe wash her memory clean too. She knew it didn’t work that way, but she fantasized what it might be like to live a contented life, not plagued by what-ifs. </p><p>After days of travel on the Southern Tribe’s vessel, Katara, Sokka, and Suki arrived at their glacial destination. Katara was shaken awake by Sokka who had a strange look on his face.</p><p>“What is it?” Katara asked, immediately registering her brother’s expression.</p><p>“You may want to see this,” Sokka replied, pulling her by the hand from her animal hide bunk below the ship’s deck. </p><p>When the two emerged to the surface, Sokka pointed a finger to the horizon where an airship with a Fire Nation insignia had landed. </p><p>Katara felt her stomach leap in her gut as she rushed back under deck to put on some decent clothes. The ship was about to dock and she was still in her night clothes, a set of custom pajamas made by Fire Nation seamstresses. She threw on an old piece of clothing, a parka that she had had since she left her home in the Southern Tribe all those years ago in the last year of the Hundred Year War. She quickly tamed her mane of hair and settled her nerves before going back up to the deck again.</p><p>Sokka didn’t seem to notice that his sister had even left. “Wonder what he’s doing here?” he said quietly.</p><p>“Who?” Katara asked.</p><p>“Zuko,” he replied. “That’s his airship.”</p><p>“His airship?” Katara asked, genuinely unsure. Of course, she suspected it was the Firelord, but it could be any ambassador or representative, really.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s his,” Sokka said. “His insignia is slightly different. It resembles his crown. But we were just in the Fire Nation and he didn’t say anything about any diplomatic trips here.” Sokka stood there stroking his chin while Katara had her own guesses as to the meaning of this unexpected visit.</p><p>Their ship came to a stop on the dock and Sokka lowered the bridge while Suki anchored them with a rope. Katara began walking down the ramp slowly, trying not to trip due to her anxiety. Sokka followed after her, wordlessly paying a dock worker to deliver Katara’s case to her father’s home. They strode off to the Southern Tribe’s chief’s house together, shoulder to shoulder, and all the way there, they walked in silence. Katara was obviously silently contemplating where Zuko was and why he was there. She assumed that Sokka and Suki were wondering the same thing. She stared at her feet as they crunched on the freshly fallen snow which blanketed the icy roads. </p><p>When they reached the house, Katara finally looked up, realizing that she had lost Sokka and Suki somehow along the way, but more importantly, she realized where Zuko was. He was right there. Standing in front of her father’s house in his crimson parka with his hands folded in front of him, as if he were waiting for her all this time. </p><p>She didn’t know what to do, so she brushed past him as she opened the door and strode to the room which she had claimed as her own when she last stayed in the village. She listened as she heard the sound of his footsteps scraping behind her. “Katara,” he half-whispered. “I need to tell you something.”</p><p>Katara shrugged her duffle off of her shoulder as she entered her bedroom and knelt on the floor. She reached into her duffle bag wordlessly and withdrew the letter that Zuko had written her early in her stay at her palace. He watched her with wide eyes as she lifted the floorboard and took a carved wooden box out from her hidden space. She opened the box in full view of the Firelord and dropped the note in with the others. She sealed the box back, but she didn’t hide it again. Instead, she held it in her hands as she stood and faced him. “What do you need to tell me?” she half-whispered back.</p><p>Zuko cleared his throat, glancing between the box of his old letters and Katara’s face. “I remember,” he said. “I remember what I told you the day of the Agni Kai. I told you that I love you.”</p><p>Katara felt her throat tighten. </p><p>Zuko continued, as he struggled to maintain eye contact. “I remembered when you asked me about it in the garden. I was just too proud to admit it." Katara waited for some kind of explanation as he continued speaking. "When I told you I loved you, I meant that I wanted to be with you. I was in love with you, Katara.”</p><p>“You were?” Katara asked, staring at the box in her hands. </p><p>“Yes. I was. But you told me that night on Ember Island that you wanted to be with Aang, even though you didn’t really feel that way about him. So I told you I loved you, just so I wouldn’t go insane for keeping it bottled up inside. But I tried my best to move on.”</p><p>Katara felt tears pricking her eyes. They were tears of regret. If she had not said that, then Zuko would not have let Mai kiss him the day of his coronation, maybe, and she wouldn’t have seen and given up on him. Who knows what the last several years would have held if she had just been honest with herself from the beginning. The tears began to spill over.</p><p>Zuko took the box from her hands and laid it on her dresser. He took her hands in his as he continued speaking. “But you kept coming back to my life, Katara, and I can say now that I never really moved on. I have always loved you. I love you. And I had to come here and let you know that.” </p><p>Katara laughed as the tears kept falling. “I can’t believe I wasted so many years of my life loving you and not having you,” she said.</p><p>“Y-you love me too?” Zuko said, his face displaying his obvious shock. He really came all the way across the world to tell Katara he loved her without believing she loved him too. He really looked into a box full of saved letters from him without knowing she felt the same way.</p><p>“Yes, I love you,” Katara said. “I’ve loved you all this time.”</p><p>Zuko’s eyes began twinkling with tears, but he blinked them back. “Then why did you leave?” he asked.</p><p>Katara chuckled. “Because, I couldn’t be sure you loved me back.”</p><p>Zuko laughed with her as a single tear fell down his cheek. “I feel like a fool,” he said. </p><p>“Me too,” Katara said. </p><p>After a moment, their laughter died, leaving them to stand hand in hand in her bedroom and staring into each other’s eyes. “Katara, I…” Zuko began before trailing off as he leaned forward, taking her soft tanned face in his hands. </p><p>Katara closed her eyes in anticipation, parting her lips. At last, his lips met hers, slowly, gently, cautiously. Katara felt her hands rise to Zuko’s neck and encircle him as she melted into the kiss. It felt like fire licking her lips, a sensation she had never felt before. Her first kiss with a firebender. The kiss electrified her lips, sending a tingle all the way down her spine, lingering in her center, then traveling to her toes. </p><p>Zuko pulled away too soon. “Is this okay?” he asked shyly as he stroked her cheek, still cradling her face in her hands.   </p><p>Katara nodded and pulled Zuko back to her lips hastily. </p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Katara boarded the Firelord’s airship and returned with him to the Fire Nation, bringing with her that case of custom clothes, her box of letters, and her fire nation perfume. She clung to Zuko’s side for the entire ride, which was much faster than travelling by ship. She learned that he had taken the airship because he was in such a rush, and she was glad, because she wanted to be back in the Fire Nation as soon as possible.</p><p>When they landed, Zuko took her hand and led her to their carriage to the palace. When they pulled to the front steps, Katara recognized a fuzzy creature waiting. “Appa!” she cried as she ran to her six-legged friend, not immediately registering that if Appa was there, Aang must not be far away. She collapsed into his fur as he bellowed at her with pleasure. Zuko received a sloppy kiss from the bison, then he stroked his head. </p><p>“The Avatar must be here,” he remarked. </p><p>“I suppose you’re right,” Katara agreed. </p><p>“Well, perhaps we should get this over with,” Zuko said. </p><p>Zuko pushed through the doors of his home to see Aang standing in the large entryway while Katara lingered out of sight behind him. </p><p>Aang rushed him with a hug. “Zuko! I’m so sorry that I missed the ball for the Kyoshi Warriors. I wanted to come, I just…” Aang stepped back. “I knew Katara would be there, and I was being selfish. Did you hear we broke up?”</p><p>“About that…” Zuko said, stepping aside to reveal Katara behind him.</p><p>Katara read a variety of expressions flash across Aang’s face. </p><p>“Katara, what are you doing here?” he asked.</p><p>“I live here now,” Katara said vaguely.</p><p>Zuko took her hand to punctuate her statement. </p><p>Aang’s eyes travelled to their intertwined fingers. “Ah. I see,” he said. His eyes became glossy as he gave the two of them a sad smile. “You’re happy?” he asked, looking at Katara. </p><p>Katara nodded. “I am.”</p><p>Aang looked like he was choking something back. But after a moment, he nodded too. “Then so am I.”</p><p>A moment of comfortable silence and smiles passed before Zuko resumed business as usual. “Was there another reason for your visit?”</p><p>“Yes, there was something I needed to discuss with you about Cranefish Town,” Aang said, and the two walked off together in the direction of Zuko’s study. </p><p>Katara felt a wave of relief and true happiness wash over her which nearly knocked her to the floor. She regained her composure after a moment, then walked the familiar way to her bedroom in the family wing of the palace. </p><p>Somehow, like magic, her items had already been delivered to her room. From the corner of her eye, she noticed something sitting on her dresser. A vase of fire lilies. She approached to inhale their sweet fragrance. Her fingers brushed the delicate petals and a note card attached to the stems. She pulled it away. It was signed in his hand writing, meaning he planned the note and vase before he ever left to chase her across the globe. He stomach flipped at the realization as she read the short message.</p><p>
  <i>Welcome home, Katara.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Yours, always,<br/>
Zuko. </i>
</p><p>Katara brought the note to her lips, then found her treasure box of letters and placed it with the others. She held the box to her chest, then settled it in a permanent place of honor on her dresser.</p><p>She heard a voice enter her room. “Katara,” the familiar, raspy voice called. “Do you really need to save the letters now?” </p><p>Katara turned around from her dresser to face her Zuko. “I suppose not, since I have the real thing.” She crossed the room as he strode forward to meet her. She fell into his arms and he caught her with enthusiasm. </p><p>Zuko stroked her hair, grazed his finger on her jawline and trailed it down to her exposed collarbone. “You’re so beautiful,” he said.</p><p>A chill ran down her spine at his gentle touch. “So are you” Katara replied, placing a hand on his scarred cheek. </p><p>“You can keep the letters,” Zuko said. “Keep them forever. I kept all of yours.”</p><p>“I’ll keep those letters as long as I live, just like I’ll be keeping you.” She kissed him quickly, still not quite used to the feeling of having what she really wanted. But she did want him, and she did have him. And she would get used to it, but never grow tired of it. Never take it for granted. Never forget the long, hard road to happiness. But here, in his arms, finally, she had arrived.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you to all who have read this until the end! ❤ Happy New Year 2021!</p><p>This story is supposed to slot into canon, taking place after the comics but before Legend of Korra. However, there may be some inconsistencies as I'm not a perfect expert on the comics. But anyway, we can all imagine here how Katara gets from this place in her life to what we know happens to her from LoK. OR we can ignore LoK and accept an alternate timeline wherein she gets to have the happy ending she deserves!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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